Critique | Tuesdays with Story

Posts Tagged ‘Critique’

Writer’s Mail

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Critique, Fifth Tuesday, Writing, Writing Critique on May 26, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays With Story

May 16, 2023

First Word…

“Create dangerously, for people who read dangerously. This is what I’ve always thought it meant to be a writer. Writing, knowing in part that no matter how trivial your words may seem, someday, somewhere, someone may risk his or her life to read them.”

— Edwige Dandicat, Create Dangerously

Tuesday evening…

Eight TWS writer attended the meeting via Google Meet, six of which read from their works in progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

Judy Cummings – A Real Hero, Chs. 18-20. Larry noted that the wording of the Bible verse referenced in Chapter 18 did not exist in 1944. Amber suggested that Steve might reveal some jealousy of Gordy’s ability to keep his innocent fantasies about superheroes. There was discussion of the likelihood of a deep foxhole near the river caving in and a recommendation to move it to higher ground. Thanks for the feedback.

Jack Freiburger – Jesus at the Ihop, Ch. VII. The written comments I received were very helpful and had some questions. Made a few edits as a result.

The discussion mostly had to do with adding a foil for Jesus. I read ahead and we have two more chapters without a interlocutory in the chapters, until we get to the Jew in the Basket. Chapter VIII for next time is again in the mind of Jesus and the next is a travelog. I’ll consider once we get to Chapter XI and we see how things are going. J

Kashmira Sheth & Amit Trivedi – If Not For the Partition, Chs. 18, 19. The chapters worked well. Larry pointed out the tense shift in Kedar’s chapter. Jack wanted to tweak a few sentences in Uma’s chapter and mention the food from the previous chapter. Judy wrote in her note that she wanted to see Uma thinking more about the resistance against the government rather than her personal loss. She also thought that the flashback was too long and Virabha’s chapter should be told from Kedar’s POV. Overall, everyone liked the new part.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged Critique, Writing, Writing Critique on March 22, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays with Story
March 7, 2023

The first word . . .

“Each writer is born with a repertory company in his head. Shakespeare has perhaps 20 players. … I have 10 or so, and that’s a lot. As you get older, you become more skillful at casting them.”
—Gore Vidal

Tuesday evening on Zoom . . . and in person at Larry’s place, eight TWS writers gathered together to critique the chapters and a short story 6 of their colleagues shared with the group. Here is some of what was said:

— Kashmira Sheth & Amit Trivedi (chapters 8-10, If Not For the Partition) . . . 1. Tense is not right in some places. 2. Uma’s letter to Rukhi seems more distance and detached. & 3. The cricket scene was very effective.

— Suzanne Gillingham (chapters 1&2 rewrite, Kaleidoscope) . . . There was universal agreement that Chapters 1 and Chapter 2 should be expanded to include more information on why Brandon, as a child, thought he was seeing souls, on the loneliness of the two men, and on their attraction to each other. Jack suggested expanding “routes” to include Brandon’s lack of routes in his life. Larry gave some suggestions on making my writing more personal. Amit would like to see some difference in how the two characters react. Right now their reactions seem too similar. Thanks everyone! I appreciate the input.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged Critique, Critique group, Fifth Tuesday, Writing, Writing Challenge on February 7, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays with Story
January 17, 2023

The first word . . .

“The pipeline between ‘Oh, my god, I wrote this!’ and ‘Oh, my god, I wrote this?’ is a short one.” AD Wills

Tuesday Evening . . .

Judy Cummings (A Real Hero, Chapter 10-11)

Amit and Kashmira suggested I tighten the internal monologue in Chapter 11 and focus on Steve’s action and physical responses. Jack suggested layering more period details, i.e. radio programs, to make the story more cinematic. For the most part, group members are entertained by the story and find Steve’s clumsy patriotism compelling. Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

Amber Boudreau (Second Act, Chapter 24)

Amber read from the beginning of Chapter 24 of Second Act her urban fantasy centered around a werewolf stage actor in Los Angeles. Amit thought the chapters did a good job of solving one mystery before introducing another. Judy liked the romantic interlude but had questions about the significance of the scarf in Helen’s dressing room. Kashmira wondered if the main character would worry about his shifter friend being able to smell what had been going on behind closed doors or show relief when they couldn’t.

Kashmira Sheth (I am From Here Too)

Kashmira submitted the next set of pages of I am From Here, Too. Overall, everyone thought these poems had more details that brought the characters alive. Jack suggested using some things to extend the metaphor. In certain scenes. Judy wanted more action and less internal thought from Anoop. Amit wondered if the story should open with Jacob and Anoop. Thank you all for your feedback.

Amit Trivedi (If Not for the Partition, Chapter 3) Need to pay attention to tense as past and present tense were mixed up. More interaction with Kedar and the little boy (Mimic the kindness shown by the elder couple to Kedar.) Significance of the policeman noticing the moccasin on Kedar’s feet is not very clear-Need to rework that. Short sentences for the tragic scene will be more effective. Look at starting chapter 3 at the break of page 3 or close to that point.

Suzanne Gillingham (Kaleidoscope, Chapter 5)

Kashmira thought I should focus more on the immediate surroundings, especially the smells and sounds of Lake Monona rather than the ocean in San Francisco. Amber thought I should add Brandon’s synesthesia into his thought process over leaving Madison and Carey. Jack and Judy both thought the description of the porch was out of place or should at least be short, chopped sentences given how upset Brandon was. Almost everyone thought the resolution at the end of the chapter came too soon—to be realistic, a longer build up is needed. Thanks for the input. I appreciate it.

Who’s up next . . .

Jack Freiburger

Amber Boudreau

Amit Trivedi

Judy Cummings

Kashmira Sheth

Bob Kralopp

For the good of the order . . .

Our Fifth Tuesday gathering will be held Jan. 31 at Jack’s place, Hickory Knoll Farm in Fitchburg. It will be a potluck. Jack will inform us what he’s providing and what we need to bring ourselves.

The writing prompt is “The best prank ever.” Any form or format, 500 words max. Send to Larry by the end of Monday, January 30.

First Tuesday will be on Feb. 7^th.

The last word . . .

“If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.” Anais Nin

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged Critique, Critique group, Fifth Tuesday, Writing, Writing Critique on January 15, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays with Story
January 3, 2023

The first word . . .

“The profession of book-writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.”

John Steinbeck

Tuesday Evening . . .

Mike Austin (The Reed Gang, Chapter 1)

Chapter 1 of The Reed Gang (working title) was well received. I need to change some names. Red and Ned just doesn’t work. And I need to introduce the characters more, with descriptions. We had some discussion about the drunk girl, and whether she should be older. But having her younger has more of an impact. Nick’s involvement with the other four needs to be explained, and I’m thinking that I’ll move that introduction so it’s before this chapter. Thanks!

Kashmira Sheth (I Am From Here Too, first 15 pages)

Kashmira submitted the first fifteen pages of her novel in verse, I am From Here Too. The main thing discussed was how to weave a conflict or a hint of it earlier. The writing worked well for the most part. There was also a discussion about writing about Sikh faith and what kind of research was needed.

Larry F. Sommers (Untitled, Chapters 1 and 2)

Larry F. Sommers, Untitled WWII novel, Chs. 1 and 2: The main point all agreed on was that Jag, and to some extent, Hal as well, are not likable characters. Too cold and self-involved. More human facets of their inner lives need to be disclosed. It was suggested that the first paragraph, introducing Hal, be omitted to begin with the second graf on the coal-scooping action. John pointed out that tidying up the coal dust partway through the job didn’t make sense, and he suggested that Hal and Jag hold an active productivity competition. Great feedback, everybody, thanks.

Amit Trivedi (If Not for the Partition, Chapters 1 and 2)

Overall the revised chapters were received very well. A few changes were suggested regarding reducing the number of characters in the first chapter, changing the order of paragraphs and giving more details about the bazaar (scent and sounds) and a bit more explanation of the geo-political background.

Thanks all!

Judy Cummings (A Real Hero, Chapters 8 and 9)

The group gave overall positive feedback on these chapters, specifically the protagonist’s struggle between duty and young romance, the voice, and the emotional pull whenever the protagonist’s missing brother is mentioned. Larry suggested changing the German so it’s clear to the reader that the protagonist isn’t fluent in the language. Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

Who’s up next . . .

Jack Freiburger

Amber Boudreau

Amit Trivedi

Judy Cummings

Kashmira Sheth

Suzanne Gillingham

For the good of the order . . .

Our Fifth Tuesday gathering will be held Jan. 31 at Jack’s place, Hickory Knoll Farm. It will be potluck. Jack will inform us what he’s providing and what we need to bring ourselves.

The writing prompt is “The best prank ever.” Any form or format, 500 words max. Send to Larry by the end of Monday, January 30.

The last word . . .

“Literature abhors the typical. Literature flows to the particular, the mundane, the greasiness of paper, the taste of warm beer, the smell of onion or quince.”

Richard Rodriguez

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged Critique, Hemingway, King, On Writing, World Building, Writing on July 21, 2022| Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays with Story
7/10/22

The first word . . .

“At the most basic we are only discussing a learned skill, but do we not agree that sometimes the most basic skills can create things far beyond our expectations? We are talking about tools and carpentry, about words and style…but as we move along, you’ll do well to remember that we are also talking about magic.”

–Stephan King, On Writing

Tuesday evening. . .

Six TWS writers came together on Tuesday to share their works. Here’s the conversation:

— Bob Kralapp Jaime liked the sequence where Katherine is almost clipped by the Mercedes, then thinks through the incident later at the grocery store. Mike felt the story is only partially resolved since the pistol is still in the bedpost. There were several comments that some of the longer sentences later on in the story could be broken up into shorter ones. Thanks all for the excellent comments.

— Kashmira Sheth Kashmira submitted two chapters of Journey to Swaraj.

Larry had a couple of comments regarding certain metaphors and phrases. Overall, he thought it flowed nicely. Jaime wanted a little more time to go by in the cart before Veena reached home from helping her brother. Bob wanted a little more information about the salt marsh, the leaders’ involvement, and its significance. Mike wrote that he enjoyed the chapters. He did find Mrs. Bibra too kind.

Thank you all.

— Jaime Nelson Noven Chapter 1… Kashmira enjoyed the world-building but could use some clarity on the sequence of actions happening. Larry enjoyed the tension caused by the character’s lack of sleep. Jack made suggestions for cutting long sentences into smaller ones, as well as adding some more scene-building sentences. Bob also thought the chapter could go a little longer. We all wondered whether the alcohol business would have gotten better as things got worse or whether the vodka would really be made out of fermented squash from a rotting Jersey. Amit noted that the somewhat disembodied voice of Alexei speaking to Nathan from below reminded him of Alexa, which made for an amusing image. Thanks, everyone!

— Amit Trivedi (If Not For The Partition, chapter 1) The group felt it was an improvement from the previous version. Babubhai illness has to be developed more. The importance of books and Kedar leaving needs to be explained. Slowing down pacing will also help. Explain Rangoli. Otherwise it seems it’s a police officer!

— Larry F. Sommers Early passages from memoir Good Enough–There were various suggestions for word order and flow in the opening section (1948). Kashmira and others felt I, the narrator, could have been more active in seeking to play with the electric train. The final scene, being evicted from my second-grade teacher’s house, needs a bit more specification of the circumstances and elaboration of the impact. Thanks, all.

July 19, here’s who’s on deck

So far, we have only three. There is room for more. If interested, please let Larry know. Thanks.

Kashmira Sheth

Amit Trivedi

Larry F. Sommers

???

Our editor

Amit will edit the July issues of Writer’s Mail. If you have something, do email it to Amit.

The last word . . .

“The first draft of everything is shit.”

—Ernest Hemingway

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged Critique, Critique group, Interview, Writing, Writing Group on June 17, 2022| Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays With Story

June 7^th Meeting

First Word…

“I write to discover what I know.”
― Flannery O’Connor

Tuesday evening…

Larry, Jack, Kashmira, Jaime, Daniel and Bob met via Zoom to discuss the works submitted. Here is a summary of what was said:

—Dan Culhain (A Grand Thing, chapters 3 and 4) … Dan submitted two chapters from his work-in-progress. In general, he received more feedback on the Aikken chapter than the Nellie chapter. Kashmira thought there were some opportunities to better show Aikken’s mental state vs. telling. John offered a couple of wording suggestions related to how Aikken would perceive the sudden presence of the strangers. Jack wanted to see more of Aikken up front to invest the reader more in the character. Also, the Aikken chapter seemed to jump around a bit and could use some arrangement.

—Larry F. Sommers (“Sketches,” experimental early chapters of memoir) … Discussion centered around the contrasting and complementary roles of juvenile vs. adult narrator voice in different sections. It was illuminating and informative. I will go and try to make it better. Thanks, all.

—Kashmira Sheth (Journey to Swaraj, chapters 14-16) … Kashmira submitted three chapters of Journey to Swaraj. Jack wanted sentences to be shortened in the part when Veena confronts the police officer. Jamie asked about the turban and how it came undone. John wanted to know how quickly the brother disappeared and reappeared. Overall the comments were positive. Thank you all.

—Jaime Nelson Noven (New York, After All, chapter 3)… We talked this week about world-building, and Dan brought into question if the population is dwindling, why does she pay for rent, and why would the city build a new train? Larry would almost like to see this as chapter 1. Kashmira enjoyed the slow build and the character relationships. Bob enjoyed the tone, texture, and imagery of the chapter. John brought into question the connotation of a toucan’s beak (as being long more so than curved). Jack was concerned the narrative voice may be dulling the scene, and that the narrator should notice more than the characters do. Dan pointed out that Charlie needs to think about her missing book in this chapter since it’s so important to her and the plot. Thanks, everyone!

Who’s up Next?

The only definite presenters so far for June 21^st are:

Kashmira Sheth Journey to Swaraj

Bob Kralapp Storm, revised ending

That leaves several slots open if anyone has something to submit for the next meeting.

Interview…

On June 1^st, Amber Boudreau appeared as a guest on The Author Blurb Podcast, hosted by E. A. Maynard. Some of the talking points include finding a supportive writer’s group, the slippery conventions of the genre, and the sometimes disconnect between the writer’s intentions and the reader’s expectations. This interview can be seen here

Last Word…

“That’s my only defense against this world: to build a sentence out of it.”— Jim Harrison

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Tuesdays with Story

Madison Writers' Group

Posts Tagged ‘Critique’

Writer’s Mail

“Create dangerously, for people who read dangerously. This is what I’ve always thought it meant to be a writer. Writing, knowing in part that no matter how trivial your words may seem, someday, somewhere, someone may risk his or her life to read them.”

— Edwige Dandicat, Create Dangerously

Writer’s Mail

Blogroll

Writer's Groups

Writer's Tools