Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Critique’

Tuesdays with Story

from

January 4th, 2022

Geraldine Brooks
“Write what you know. Every guide for the aspiring author advises this. Because I live in a long-settled rural place, I know certain things. I know the feel of a newborn lamb’s damp, tight-curled fleece and the sharp sound a well-bucket chain makes as it scrapes on stone. But more than these material things, I know the feelings that flourish in small communities. And I know other kinds of emotional truths that I believe apply across the centuries.” (Writers on Writing, New York Times, July 2001)

Here’s who presented on Tuesday evening:

Kashmira Sheth (Nina Soni, Best Hostess) Kashmira submitted Chapters 7-9 of Nina Soni, Best Hostess. Overall comments were positive. Some felt that a little more clarification about the kid flying day and the Holi Festival would be good. There was also a comment about earlier interaction between Jay and Nina that I had not addressed. Thanks for all the feedback.

Mike Austin (Dumpster Fire, revision) I received a lot of great comments and conversation for DF. The picture of Dave is stronger, but still needs fleshing out, and read more like a novel, especially the beginning. There needs to be more reason for Grady to not like or trust Dave. And who the heck is Rachel? Why does Grady suddenly decide to side with her? Just because she’s angry at Dave? There needs to be more information about Dave’s father, and Grady’s relationship, or lack of one, with his own father. And do we know for certain that Dave is fired? Why is “Dumpster Fire” a relevant title? Is Grady’s life also a dumpster fire? Or everyone’s life? How? Everyone felt that the ending works but needs more of a change in Grady to back it up. Thanks so much!

Amber Boudreau (Dragoneer 2) Amber shared the next three chapters of her sequel to The Dragoneer. Kashmira thought she did a good job of describing the main character’s sense of grief upon waking but thought she could have let her stew a bit longer in her thoughts. Larry and John agreed on removing a few spots of too much telling. Jamie was confused by the handkerchief and hopes the character didn’t end up eating it. Mike thought the women in the story would have been more traumatized by their experiences and wanted to read more of that.

Next Meeting

On January 18th, Larry will be out of town, so TWS will gather on Google Meet instead of Zoom. The meeting link for the 18th is: meet.google.com/jjb-htiu-vnm

For January 18th, the presenters will be:

John Schneller (chapters, Blessed Daughter)

Kashmira Sheth (chapters, Nina Soni, Bestest Hostess)

Amber Boudreau (chapters, Dragoneer 2)

Bob Kralapp (short story)

Amit Trivedi (?)

Our editor

Bob Kralapp will edit the January issues of Writer’s Mail. If you have something good you’d like him to include, email it to Bob.

I keep coming across different opinions about this advice: write what you know. Some believe this is the worst possible instruction, and that the writer should write about what is not known. That is, I guess, what is not known but can be discovered by way of applying research to imagination (or the other way around). Or maybe just relying on flat-out imagination to render up a story into daylight. Many have had great success going this route. And I’m in favor of curiosity. And imagination. Especially imagination, because without that, what’ve you got? But on the other hand…

Read Full Post »

Tuesdays with Story

December 21st, 2021

Joan Didion, December 5, 1934-December 23, 2021

“You get the sense that it’s possible simply to go through life noticing things and writing them down and that this is OK, it’s worth doing. That the seemingly insignificant things that most of us spend our days noticing are really significant, have meaning, and tell us something.” – The Paris Review interview (2006).

Here’s who presented on Tuesday evening

Larry Sommers (Untitled Memoir, chapters 2-3)

Bob noted that I provided artists with all the records mentioned except “Yes! We Have No Bananas.” Amber questioned whether the narrative was well served by using bullet points in a couple of places to list particular memories. Kashmira thought the chapters following Chapter 1 could proceed in a time frame more appropriate to the Air Force narrative of Chapter 1, weaving in flashbacks to earlier times later on. All good thoughts. Thanks, everyone.

John Schneller (Precious Daughter, chapter 27)

Most readers wanted a bit more out of the scene at the mountain precipice. Kotel’s emotional response to his near death moment could match up with a the tempestuous weather. I recognize it is a common weakness in my writing to leave emotions untouched. Kashmira enjoyed the introduction to snow. The grizzlies were popular with all but Jack wanted more taunting. 

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays With Story

November 16, 2021

A mistake for authors is defining their author platform as a list of people to market their next book on social media.

If you view your author platform as nothing more than transactional relationships, it will fail. If you view it primarily as sharing your heart and caring for a group of people, it will have far more value and possibly be responsive when you have a book. 

Dan Balow, Steve Laube Literary Agency

Here’s who presented Tuesday evening

Kashmira Sheth (chapters 1-2 rewrite, Nina Soni, Best Hostess) – Kashmira submitted two chapters of Nina Soni, Best Hostess. Most of the comments were positive. There were some questions about how to make the flow of a story better. This was a revised submission and overall the revision worked well. Everyone preferred the title Nina Soni, Best Hostess over Nina Soni, Perfect Hostess. 

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays with Story
November 2nd 2021

The first word . . .

Be polite. The editor you email today may be the CEO of  your publisher next year.

Here’s who presented this week

Larry Sommers (MemoirDebriefing) . . . My introductory chapter to a projected memoir, titled “Debriefing,” was generally well-received as a tentative start of something as yet indefinite. John felt the material between the initial aerial reconnaissance scenes and the final paragraph, looping back to the concept of debriefing, could be omitted. Jack felt the passage from Yeats’ “The Second Coming” may have been misplaced. Jack and Jerry suggested that the idea of having been born in a golden age could be expanded. Thanks everybody. Onward and upward.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Tuesdays With Story

August 3, 2021

The first word:

When I sit down in order to write, sometimes it’s there; sometimes it’s not. But that doesn’t bother me anymore. I tell my students there is such a thing as “writers block,” and they should respect it. You shouldn’t write through it. It’s blocked because it ought to be blocked, because you haven’t got it right now.

– Toni Morrison

Here’s who presented Tuesday evening:

Jaime Nelson Noven (Part 1, New York, After All)… Jamie presented a chapter from a novel in progress (a book within a book). It seemed most everyone liked the voice of the narrator and the humor. We looked at some troublesome scene transitions and the narrator’s casual reaction to a coworker going missing. Definitely will have to change the supermarket simile. Thanks, all!

Bob Kralapp (short story, “Don’t Take It Personally”)… The story was well received. Jack felt that having the basketball coach bet two grand on the upcoming game was excessive and that two hundred was more in line with the situation. Jamie was confused about having the story end where it did without resolving whether Coach was betting for or against his team. Most readers felt the story was incomplete and needed a second act to bring it around.

Amber Boudreau (chapters 24-26, The Dragoneer 2)… Amber read from chapter 24 of her sequel to The Dragoneer. Jerry had a question about the characters sitting around digesting. Jamie needed a little more information in one part concerning a character’s luck. John thought the description of Moira’s drowning was well done. As far as  chapter 26 goes, it may need some retooling or could be left as is to let the audience take from it what they will. In this chapter, Moira has a conversation with her father who’s dead but only because the Librarian is there as well and that may need to be made clearer.

John Schneller (chapter 4, Precious Daughter)… Kotel’s more light-hearted days will be a contrast to Nia’s troubles. The two stories will need to be interspersed earlier. Jack noticed the hints that Kotel was ascending into a new realm as he ascended the mountain. Hints of the change need to be delayed for a scene to coincide with his entry into the hidden village. The skunk scene was overworked. Jamie pointed out that Kotel’s half-truths will not be obvious to a new reader who has not read the first book. Thanks for all the helpful comments.

Jerry Peterson (chapters 22-24, Night Flight)… Jerry used the wrong church to integrate. The Baptists would not have permitted a black person in their church at this time (1927, the heart of the Jim Crow era). The Methodists might, several said. Jack found the shovel cake incident disconcerting. Rachel and Abraham Isaac work hard at doing everything properly, so they wouldn’t make shovel cake in the fireplace. That’s primitive. Rooster would, though. He can teach Rachel how this is done. Kashmira suggested Rachel has to have things to do that continually puts Rooster off from asking her to marry him.

Here’s who’s up on August 17

Amit Trivedi (chapter12, River Drops – working title)

Paul Wagner (Night of the Red Eyed Mad Man)

Kashmira Sheth (untitled)

Larry Sommers (short story, An Episode)

Jerry Peterson (chapter 25, Night Flight)

And riding back-up, John Schneller (chapter 5, Precious Daughter).

Our editor

Bob Kralapp returns to edit the August issues for Writer’s Mail. You have something you’d like him to include in our next issue? Email it to Bob.

Fifth Tuesday

It’s coming, the end of the month, August 31. Jack will host the group at his farm.

We do have a writing challenge. Here it is: Create a 30-second radio or television commercial for your new invention. Yes, we need a script.

Ron Popeil was a master of this. He invented or acquired and starred in his own commercials for the first Karaoke machine called Mr. Microphone, the Popeil Pocket Fisherman, the Veg-o-Matic, the Buttoneer, the Smokeless Ashtray, Popeil’s Electric Food Dehydrator, the Inside-the-Egg Scrambler, GLH-9 (Great Looking Hair Formula #9) Hair in a Can Spray, Rhinestone stud setter (later called the Bedazzler), and the Cap Snaffler. Look up his commercials on You Tube for inspiration.

A book for writers

New York Times reviewer Pat O’Connor said of comma queen Mary Norris’s memoir that it was a great read. “Hilarious…This book charmed my socks off.”

So why should we read it?

Norris has spent more than three decades in The New Yorker’s copy department where her job was to make sure every column and story maintained the magazine’s high standards for punctuation, spelling, grammar, structure, and the craft of writing.

Says the blurb, “In Between You & Me: Confessions of a Comma Queen, she brings her vast experience with grammar and usage, her good cheer and irreverence, and her finely sharpened pencils to help the rest of us in a boisterous language book as full of life as it is of practical advice.”

So check it out.

Confessions came out in 2016. NPR, Amazon, Wall Street Journal, Publishers Weekly, Kirkus, and Library Journal all named it a Best Book of the Year.

There’s more. Three years later. Norris brought out It’s Greek to Me: Adventures of the Comma Queen.

Says the blurb for this book, “Greek to Me is a charming account of Norris’s lifelong love affair with words and her solo adventures in the land of olive trees and ouzo. Along the way, Norris explains how the alphabet originated in Greece, makes the case for Athena as a feminist icon, goes searching for the fabled Baths of Aphrodite, and reveals the surprising ways Greek helped form English. Filled with Norris’s memorable encounters with Greek words, Greek gods, Greek wine―and more than a few Greek men―Greek to Me is the Comma Queen’s fresh take on Greece and the exotic yet strangely familiar language that so deeply influences our own.”

The last word:

Stories are for those late hours of the night when you can’t remember how you got from where you were to where you are. Stories are for eternity, when memory is erased, when there is nothing to remember but the story. – Tim O’Brien, from The Things They Carried

Read Full Post »

Tuesdays With Story Newsletter

July 6. 2021

The First Word

“. . . the correct intention, which is to provide the reader with an experience that is superior to the experiences the reader encounters in daily life.” From Stein on Writing

Here’s who presented Tuesday evening

Kashmira Sheth (chapter 9, Nina Soni, Snow Spy) – Kashmira submitted chapter 9 of Nina Soni, Snow Spy. Most of the comments were positive. One thing that several people pointed out that the ending was ho-hum. There were some suggestions to change the chapter ending to make it more exciting. 

Larry Sommers (three poems) – My three poems were met with genial puzzlement. The most puzzling was “I came to a corner that did not bend,” based on the central metaphor of a long-obsolete cash transfer mechanism in old department stores. Jack suggested a lot of words could be cut in all three poems. Jerry disputed the final assertion from ” In the land of my boyhood” that I never became one of the giants (adults). I thought it was a matter of viewpoint. Maybe objectively I joined the adult world but inwardly remained a kid. Thanks for all your comments and suggestions.

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Tuesdays with Story

June 15, 2021

The first word…

“Character is the very life of fiction. Setting exists so that the character has someplace to stand. Plot exists so that the character can discover what he is really like, forcing the character to choice and action. And theme exists only to make the character stand up and be somebody.”

-John Gardner

Tuesday evening at Larry Sommers’s place…

Ten writers attended, six by way of Zoom link. Five writers presented work.

Mike Austin

Dumpster Fire (Work in progress)

“Dumpster Fire,” the first part of a short story work in progress, met with somewhat mixed but mostly favorable reviews. Jerry needed more of a reason to care about either character, while Amber thought that there’s room for redemption with one or both of them. And sowing that seed of doubt about who actually started the dumpster fire is a distraction, unless that’s part of the story. Which it ain’t. Also, the opening sentence has to go somewhere else. Or just go. I did lapse into first person narrative at least once. Whoops. I also need to use the “find” tool to avoid the repetition with some words. Thanks for all of the tips and encouragement!

Larry Sommers

One More Outlaw, an Izzy Mahler short story

Jerry and others pointed out many missed opportunities for plot excitement foregone in my quest to be faithful to true life experience. Jamie suggested Donny Bill might attempt to inveigle Izzy into a life of crime. Jack thought I could maintain the integrity of my “affective” approach (i.e., vignette style) but add meaning by explaining more of the social and economic context. Thanks, everybody. Points to ponder.

Amber Boudreau

The Dragoneer 2, Chapters 18-20

Amber read from the beginning of chapter 18 of her sequel to The Dragoneer. Jamie and others enjoyed the sequence with the goblins. Larry had a suggestion about the former occupants of their armor being ‘wearers’ instead of ‘owners’. Mike enjoyed the mentorship aspect of the later chapters while John suggested there might be a few places to reduce the amount of dialogue.

John Schneller

Precious Daughter, Chapter 14

Jerry found better wording for clarity in the opening of the chapter. Jamie asked if DinShaw is a redeemable character. He will eventually show his love as a father, but not for a while. Work is needed to show him as an honorable soldier, stressed and failing by present circumstances. Thanks for the suggestions.

Jerry Peterson

Escape to the Conch Republic, Chapter 9

The chapter stirred a world of conversation on how to improve it, ranging from Paf probing Thompson for a better explanation for how he chose to get involved in treasure hunting, to Paf accepting Thompson’s offer of a half share in the venture, to Thompson paying Gunn $500 for an introduction to the man who really has the treasure map—$500 for a treasure map is just too cheap, Jack and Larry said—to better lines about Shelby being drunk.

Fifth Tuesday

Yes, June 29. Larry and Jo Sommers will host us at their home in Madison. PLEASE LET US KNOW IF YOU ARE COMING. Larry and Jo will provide plates, cups, plastic utensils, and napkins. Pulled pork sandwiches will be served. Drinks will include iced tea, red and white wine, and two kinds of beer. Please bring a salad, dessert, or other dish to pass. Feel free to bring your own preferred beverage.

Per the usual, we do have a writing challenge. The prompt: Cemetery rules! Keep your mini-masterpiece to 500 or fewer words and email it to Jerry Peterson, with a copy to Larry, by Monday evening, June 28. Two stories are already in.

On the schedule for July 6…

Amit Trivedi (???)

Jaime Nelson Noven (Outsleep, chapter 14, part 2)

Paul Wagner (???)

Amber Boudreau (Dragoneer 2, chapter 21-23)

Mike Austin (short story, “Dumpster Fire”, part 2)

John Schneller (Precious Daughter, chapter 15)

Our July 6 meeting will be at Jack’s house in Fitchburg. Those who can’t make it can join via Zoom link, as usual.

Our editors…

Bob Kralapp edited this issue of Writer’s Mail. Next month—July—John Schneller takes on the assignment.

From Jerry…

Words in our state

That thing where we get a drink of water, in southern and eastern Wisconsin we call it a bubbler, not a drinking fountain. The State Historical Society teed off on this bit of language trivia with the t-shirt here that it sells. The back of the shirt reads ‘Fountains are where you throw coins.’

If you want to order an ‘It’s a Bubbler’ t-shirt, here’s the link: https://shop.wisconsinhistory.org/bubbler-tshirt

The last word…

“Be daring, take on anything. Don’t labor over little cameo works in which every word is to be perfect. Technique holds a reader from sentence to sentence, but only content will stay in his mind.” – Joyce Carol Oates

Read Full Post »

Tuesdays with Story

May 18, 2021

The first word…

“Begin to think of settings as characters in your story. A character plays against other characters, increasing tension, creating drama, and advancing the plot. A story about a man in a hurricane is about two characters. A story about a stepfather and a boy and a toy store is about three characters.”—Jerome Stern, Making Shapely Fiction.

Tuesday evening on Zoom

Seven writers attended, four writers presented work, three writers, myself included, were occupied with hosting guests, which is a thing again.

Jaime Nelson Noven

Outsleep, Ch. 13 & Ch. 2 insert

We talked mostly about setting the scene in the outsleep unit by moving some of the description earlier, looking at what the objective description’s tone should be, and amping up the contrast between the plastic nature of the room and the freshly cut flowers. There was also a good suggestion of the patients (or their locations) having numbers in such a vast space. Thanks, all!

Jaime

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays with Story

May 4, 2021

The first word…

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”—Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt.

Tuesday evening on Zoom

Eight writers gathered around the glow of their screens this past Tuesday evening to share their work and thoughts.

Jerry Peterson

Escape to the Conch, chapters 7-8

Shorten things and punch up the copy with jokes, particularly chapter 7, Jack said. Both John and Jack wanted the scene leading up to Paf taking after the seller of the fake chart to have a better build—Shelby giving a longer speech about the fake chart—so Ange charging after the seller becomes more believable. Kashmira asked for some chemistry between Shelby and Paf. Jack suggested a way to do that, by having Paf “get in touch” with Shelby by putting his arm around her shoulders during the ferry trips to and from the surfside restaurant.

Larry Summers

Freedom’s Purchace, chapters 9-10

The story of Daniel’s travails with the maroons is well told, but several people desired more depth in the characters, especially Daniel and Luc, and more feeling of background as exemplified by sounds, etc. Betsey’s instant willingness to go with Daniel needs a bit more context, and the vegetative screening of the new maroon camp ought to be mentioned. Thanks, everybody.

Amber Boudreau

(more…)

Read Full Post »

Tuesdays with Story
April 26, 2021

The first word . . .

“Imagine a reader you can trust.” –Verlyn Klinkenborg

Tuesday evening on Zoom . . .

Eight TWS writers came together this week. Here’s what was said.

John Schneller (chapter 8, Precious Daughter) . . . Kashmira suggested ending the second scene earlier. Larry pointed out the 1st and 3rd scenes could be combined. Jaime initiated the thought of paying attention to the gender of the reader. Would a young male reader need a little less fashion discussion? I promise that fashion will be intertwined with blood and bruises and dark escapades very soon. Thanks for all the comments!

Mike Austin (“Dog People,” short story) . . . I received some excellent feedback and suggestions for “Dog People.” There were suggestions that there would not be the hiss of tires on wet pavement so soon after the melon was run over. There could be more indication of the narrator having an interest in being a mechanic, or at least a history of it somewhere. And perhaps the story could come full circle, with Darlene looking past Ralph to Charley. Jerry, had some; input for me. Regarding proper punctuation. Also!!!! I use too many exclamation points. What?!?!? I have to admit, it’s true. Thanks everyone! 

(more…)

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »