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Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays With Story

May 16, 2023

First Word…

“Create dangerously, for people who read dangerously. This is what I’ve always thought it meant to be a writer. Writing, knowing in part that no matter how trivial your words may seem, someday, somewhere, someone may risk his or her life to read them.”

— Edwige Dandicat, Create Dangerously

Tuesday evening…

Eight TWS writer attended the meeting via Google Meet, six of which read from their works in progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

Judy CummingsA Real Hero, Chs. 18-20. Larry noted that the wording of the Bible verse referenced in Chapter 18 did not exist in 1944. Amber suggested that Steve might reveal some jealousy of Gordy’s ability to keep his innocent fantasies about superheroes. There was discussion of the likelihood of a deep foxhole near the river caving in and a recommendation to move it to higher ground. Thanks for the feedback.

Jack Freiburger – Jesus at the Ihop, Ch. VII. The written comments I received were very helpful and had some questions.  Made a few edits as a result.

The discussion mostly had to do with adding a foil for Jesus.  I read ahead and we have two more chapters without a interlocutory in the chapters, until we get to the Jew in the Basket. Chapter VIII for next time is again in the mind of Jesus and the next is a travelog.  I’ll consider once we get to Chapter XI and we see how things are going.  J

Kashmira Sheth & Amit Trivedi If Not For the Partition, Chs. 18, 19. The chapters worked well. Larry pointed out the tense shift in Kedar’s chapter. Jack wanted to tweak a few sentences in Uma’s chapter and mention the food from the previous chapter. Judy wrote in her note that she wanted to see Uma thinking more about the resistance against the government rather than her personal loss. She also thought that the flashback was too long and Virabha’s chapter should be told from Kedar’s POV. Overall, everyone liked the new part.

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Writer’s Mail

“When I used to teach creative writing, I would tell the students to make their characters want something right away—even if it’s only a glass of water. Characters paralyzed by the meaningless of modern life still have to drink water from time to time.”

Kurt Vonnegut

Six writers—Amber, Bob, Amit, Suzanne, Larry, and Mike–gathered together Tuesday evening. Mike dawdled in late, having lost track of time at some frivolous thing, I’m sure.

Submission Comment Summaries

Amber Boudreau, Second Act, Chapters 36-37 – Amber read from the beginning of chapter 36 of Second Act. Larry suggested she revisit the end of the chapter and the action happening in one location versus what’s being overheard from elsewhere. Amit was left wondering who’s the leader amongst a group of characters but didn’t let it distract him from the story. Bob liked the dialogue and thought it did a good job of blending humor with heavier stuff, like blood and gore.

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Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays with Story Newsletter

April 4th Meeting

The First Word

“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing.

—Alan Wilson Watts

Nine writers met via Zoom to offer input for the submitted stories and to watch Larry spill his wine. In truth, it was more heard than seen, and free of profanity. Wonderful restraint on Larry’s part.

Submission Summaries

Bob Kralapp, “Delay”

The areas of the story that need work include the ending, which reads as inconclusive. As it stands, there is little evidence to judge how Kathe’s folks will react to the gas station incident Baker must reveal. Likewise, it isn’t clear whether Baker and Kathe are suited for each other, and there needs to be some narrative backfill in order to bring it all together. The nature of the drinking game around the kitchen table should be clarified. Thanks, all, for the helpful comments.

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Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays with Story
March 21, 2023

The first word . . .

“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” – Terry Pratchett

Tuesday evening on Zoom . . . seven TWS writers gathered together to critique the chapters and children’s book story of 5 of their colleagues with the group. Here is some of what was said:

Kashmira Sheth & Amit Trivedi (chapters 11-12, If Not For the Partition) . . . 1 Kedar’s chapter is well done and moves fast. In one place the POV needs tweaking. 2 Uma’s chapter needs more action and intrigue. 3 Also her reflection could use a little relevance to her present situation. 

Suzanne Gillingham (chapters 3&4 rewrite, Kaleidoscope) . . . There was agreement that Brandon mentioning a gay bar was still too much and that there were way too many eye rolls. I agree. I’m rolling my eyes at myself. LOL. Judy thought my writing was more fluid, Larry agreed. Mike asked about the characters’ ages. Amber thought Carey seemed very self-aware and asked why he hadn’t seeked out professional help. Various editing and stylistic suggestions were made.

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Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays with Story
March 7, 2023

The first word . . .

“Each writer is born with a repertory company in his head. Shakespeare has perhaps 20 players. … I have 10 or so, and that’s a lot. As you get older, you become more skillful at casting them.”
—Gore Vidal

Tuesday evening on Zoom . . . and in person at Larry’s place, eight TWS writers gathered together to critique the chapters and a short story 6 of their colleagues shared with the group. Here is some of what was said:

Kashmira Sheth & Amit Trivedi (chapters 8-10, If Not For the Partition) . . . 1. Tense is not right in some places. 2. Uma’s letter to Rukhi seems more distance and detached. & 3. The cricket scene was very effective.

Suzanne Gillingham (chapters 1&2 rewrite, Kaleidoscope) . . . There was universal agreement that Chapters 1 and Chapter 2 should be expanded to include more information on why Brandon, as a child, thought he was seeing souls, on the loneliness of the two men, and on their attraction to each other. Jack suggested expanding “routes” to include Brandon’s lack of routes in his life. Larry gave some suggestions on making my writing more personal.  Amit would like to see some difference in how the two characters react. Right now their reactions seem too similar. Thanks everyone! I appreciate the input.

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Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays With Story

February 21, 2023

First Word…

Writing is not an exercise in excision, it’s a journey into sound.

—E. B. White, author, essayist

Tuesday evening…

Eight TWS writers met via Google Meet to discuss works-in-progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

—Kashmira Sheth (Raj’s Coat Story)… Kashmira submitted a picture book manuscript. Most of the comments were positive. Jack and Larry suggested some tweaking about the food and also the ending. Bob liked the part with pockets and said it was magical! Amit suggested changing, “buttons running up and down,” to “buttons flying up and down.” Judy suggested adding smell, texture etc. in certain parts of the story.  Amber enjoyed the story. Thank you!

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Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays With Story

February 7,, 2023

First Word…

“Be a good steward of your gifts. Protect your time. Feed your inner life. Avoid too much noise. Read good books, have good sentences in your ears. Be by yourself as often as you can. Walk. Take the phone off the hook. Work regular hours.

—Jane Kenyon, from A Hundred White Daffodils

Tuesday evening…

Eight TWS writer attended the meeting via Google Meet, five of which read from their works in progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

—Amber Boudreau…Amber read from chapter 25 of her urban fantasy Second Act. Most seemed to agree both chapters moved the story along well, but the beginning of chapter 25 could use some work in grounding the reader in the main character’s point of view. Unbeknownst to Amber, some people didn’t receive the chapters, so there weren’t a ton of comments. Therefore, it was amazing and people can’t wait to read more.

John Freiburger…Started the revised, amended continued etc. Jesus Walked into the Ihop.

The brief email sent to explain the concept was recommended as a forward to separate a consideration of the Christian message from Iconoclasm. It seems the work is now willingly accepted as speculative Christology.

The voice is light, colloquial, and at times humorous in the first two chapters, which will require effort to continue. If you too found yourself to be 2000 years old, resurrected from the dead and somewhat lost in ever-changing cultures and “Christian” religions that are wildly at odds with each other, you might also have a skeptical voice and a somewhat perplexed and humorous approach to the world.

—Judy Cummings A Real Hero, Chapters 12-13

There was some discussion over whether the plot was developing too quickly. A suggestion was made to lengthen the timeline in order for Steve’s dad to develop more trust in Blue-Eyes. The group highlighted some places where readers’ believability was stretched. Thanks for the feedback. 

Amit TrivediIf Not For The Partition, Chapters 4, 5

Write in depth the  ‘monkey’ and ‘train’  scenes. Cut the too childish love scenes. The flashback was too long. Also, it was hard to figure out when it was over. Since the book is in present tense, it was suggested to consider using past tense for flashbacks. Thanks, Amit.

Bob KralappPaper Wasps, a short story.

Reaction to the story was mixed. Some wanted more from the ending, while others felt that it was satisfying. Scenes presented in the first part were somewhat muddy and needed to be crisper. Many good buildups were created (the bully girl, the drugstore conversation, the damp garbage bag that didn’t rip open, etc.), but were left undeveloped. Thanks to all for the excellent comments.

Larry F. SommersUntitled WWII novel, first two chapters.

In this version the older brother, Jag, is more relatable as a brother. He still needs more interiority, more sense of his remorse over Hal’s injury. The early morning scene placed in front of the coal mine scene helps fill out the context, but the opening dream sequence either needs to be cut entirely (John) or greatly enhanced (Jack). Thanks, everybody. Your feedback has been very helpful.

February 21, here’s who’s on deck…

John Schneller – Precious Daughter

Paul Wagner – ?

Judy Cummings – A Real Hero

Amit Trivedi – If Not For the Partition

Jack Freiburger – ?

Amber Boudreau – Second Act

Bob Kralapp takes on Writer’s Mail for the month of February.

Cliches…

The standard opinion is to steer clear of cliches. (Avoid them like the …) Which is

reasonably good advice on its face. And then there is the advice to approach them with caution. Know what you’re dealing with. Also good advice. Being informed. First, there is the cliched phrase. And then there is the cliched situation. Beginning a story with a dream being one of the latter. Reasons for avoiding it come down to it being a ‘bait and switch’ tactic. That is: the reader is presented with a situation that has little or nothing to do with the story that follows. The one novel I know of that starts with a dream is Ursula Le Guin’s The Lathe of Heaven. And that opening isn’t even a dream, but a description of the dreamer awakening. Which is to say, a reclaiming of the cliche, a reimagining of what was an exhausted convention. Whether that sort of opening can ever be used again is open to debate. Probably not. But it goes to the point that an informed writer can breathe life into the deadest of dead clichés.

Last Word…

“I approach the work as though, in truth, I’m nothing and the words are everything. Then I write to save my life. If you are a writer, that will be true. Writing has saved my life.”

—Louise Erdrich

Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays with Story
January 17, 2023

The first word . . .

“The pipeline between ‘Oh, my god, I wrote this!’ and ‘Oh, my god, I wrote this?’ is a short one.” AD Wills

Tuesday Evening . . .

Judy Cummings (A Real Hero, Chapter 10-11)

Amit and Kashmira suggested I tighten the internal monologue in Chapter 11 and focus on Steve’s action and physical responses. Jack suggested layering more period details, i.e. radio programs, to make the story more cinematic. For the most part, group members are entertained by the story and find Steve’s clumsy patriotism compelling. Thanks for the feedback, everyone. 

Amber Boudreau (Second Act, Chapter 24)

Amber read from the beginning of Chapter 24 of Second Act her urban fantasy centered around a werewolf stage actor in Los Angeles. Amit thought the chapters did a good job of solving one mystery before introducing another. Judy liked the romantic interlude but had questions about the significance of the scarf in Helen’s dressing room. Kashmira wondered if the main character would worry about his shifter friend being able to smell what had been going on behind closed doors or show relief when they couldn’t.

Kashmira Sheth (I am From Here Too)

Kashmira submitted the next set of pages of I am From Here, Too. Overall, everyone thought these poems had more details that brought the characters alive. Jack suggested using some things to extend the metaphor. In certain scenes. Judy wanted more action and less internal thought from Anoop. Amit wondered if the story should open with Jacob and Anoop. Thank you all for your feedback. 

Amit Trivedi (If Not for the Partition, Chapter 3) Need to pay attention to tense as past and present tense were mixed up. More interaction with Kedar and the little boy (Mimic the kindness shown by the elder couple to Kedar.) Significance of the policeman noticing the moccasin on Kedar’s feet is not very clear-Need to rework that. Short sentences for the tragic scene will be more effective. Look at starting chapter 3 at the break of page 3 or close to that point.

Suzanne Gillingham (Kaleidoscope, Chapter 5)

Kashmira thought I should focus more on the immediate surroundings, especially the smells and sounds of Lake Monona rather than the ocean in San Francisco. Amber thought I should add Brandon’s synesthesia into his thought process over leaving Madison and Carey. Jack and Judy both thought the description of the porch was out of place or should at least be short, chopped sentences given how upset Brandon was. Almost everyone thought the resolution at the end of the chapter came too soon—to be realistic, a longer build up is needed. Thanks for the input. I appreciate it.

Who’s up next . . . 

Jack Freiburger

Amber Boudreau

Amit Trivedi

Judy Cummings

Kashmira Sheth

Bob Kralopp

For the good of the order . . .

Our Fifth Tuesday gathering will be held Jan. 31 at Jack’s place, Hickory Knoll Farm in Fitchburg. It will be a potluck. Jack will inform us what he’s providing and what we need to bring ourselves. 

The writing prompt is “The best prank ever.” Any form or format, 500 words max. Send to Larry by the end of Monday, January 30. 

First Tuesday will be on Feb. 7th.

The last word . . .

“If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.” Anais Nin

Writer’s Mail

Tuesdays with Story
January 3, 2023

The first word . . .

“The profession of book-writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.”

John Steinbeck

Tuesday Evening . . .

Mike Austin (The Reed Gang, Chapter 1)

Chapter 1 of The Reed Gang (working title) was well received. I need to change some names. Red and Ned just doesn’t work. And I need to introduce the characters more, with descriptions. We had some discussion about the drunk girl, and whether she should be older. But having her younger has more of an impact. Nick’s involvement with the other four needs to be explained, and I’m thinking that I’ll move that introduction so it’s before this chapter. Thanks!

Kashmira Sheth (I Am From Here Too, first 15 pages)

Kashmira submitted the first fifteen pages of her novel in verse, I am From Here Too. The main thing discussed was how to weave a conflict or a hint of it earlier. The writing worked well for the most part. There was also a discussion about writing about Sikh faith and what kind of research was needed. 

Larry F. Sommers (Untitled, Chapters 1 and 2)

Larry F. Sommers, Untitled WWII novel, Chs. 1 and 2:  The main point all agreed on was that Jag, and to some extent, Hal as well, are not likable characters. Too cold and self-involved. More human facets of their inner lives need to be disclosed. It was suggested that the first paragraph, introducing Hal, be omitted to begin with the second graf on the coal-scooping action. John pointed out that tidying up the coal dust partway through the job didn’t make sense, and he suggested that Hal and Jag hold an active productivity competition. Great feedback, everybody, thanks.

Amit Trivedi (If Not for the Partition, Chapters 1 and 2)

Overall the revised chapters were received very well. A few changes were suggested regarding reducing the number of characters in the first chapter, changing the order of paragraphs and giving more details about the bazaar (scent and sounds) and a bit more explanation of the geo-political background.

Thanks all!

Judy Cummings (A Real Hero, Chapters 8 and 9)

The group gave overall positive feedback on these chapters, specifically the protagonist’s struggle between duty and young romance, the voice, and the emotional pull whenever the protagonist’s missing brother is mentioned. Larry suggested changing the German so it’s clear to the reader that the protagonist isn’t fluent in the language. Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

Who’s up next . . . 

Jack Freiburger

Amber Boudreau

Amit Trivedi

Judy Cummings

Kashmira Sheth

Suzanne Gillingham

For the good of the order . . .

Our Fifth Tuesday gathering will be held Jan. 31 at Jack’s place, Hickory Knoll Farm. It will be potluck. Jack will inform us what he’s providing and what we need to bring ourselves. 

The writing prompt is “The best prank ever.” Any form or format, 500 words max. Send to Larry by the end of Monday, January 30. 

The last word . . .

“Literature abhors the typical. Literature flows to the particular, the mundane, the greasiness of paper, the taste of warm beer, the smell of onion or quince.” 

Richard Rodriguez

Writer’s Mail

November 15, 2022

The first word . . .

Trigger the imagination. A story never belongs solely to you the author

Tuesday evening with Zoomers and Sitters:

TWS writers offered their input on four submissions from their colleagues.

—Kashmira Sheth Kashmira submitted two chapters of Nina Soni, Miserable Traveler. The biggest takeaway was to have a positive title and show more excitement about going to India. Also need some more tension in the story.  

— Larry Sommers “Smile”- Although the factory setting, the violent action, and the tension between the two main characters are interesting, most readers felt that Johnny’s detached state of mind in the immediate aftermath of the slashing was unrealistic and that there needs to be a deeper and more meaningful resolution of the clash.  Thanks, everybody!

— John Schneller A series of scenes were submitted. Most felt the redirection of Nia into an active role offers better potential for her storyline. (You can only do so much when locked up.) Dialogue needs were identified.

— Amber Boudreau

Amber read from the beginning of Chapter 20 of Second Act. Amit didn’t understand the humor at the end of chapter 19 and thought there was a bit too much introspection on the part of the main character. Meanwhile, Kashmira wanted to know about what the main character was thinking at the end of chapter 20. Kashmira and a few others also had to ask if a certain character had died because the way one particular line was written made it sound like they were still alive. 

Who’s up next . . . 

Those wishing to present material on December 6 are:

Judy Cummings
Suzanne Gillingham
Jaime Nelson Noven
Mike Austin
Amit Trivedi
Kashmira Sheth
Amber Boudreau

Every scene in your novel should advance your story or reveal character. Avoid:

  • Throat-clearing—a literary term for a page or two of scene-setting and background before a story or chapter finally really begins. Get on with it.
  • Too much stage direction. Don’t spoon feed the reader every action of every character in every scene. Stick with the heart of the scene and let the reader enjoy deducing the rest.
  • Cliches—this doesn’t apply to just words and phrases but also to clichéd situations: starting your story with the main character waking to an alarm clock; having a character describe herself while looking in a full-length mirror; having future love interests literally bump into each other upon first meeting, etc.
  • Telling what’s not happening—like “He didn’t respond,” “She didn’t say anything,” or “The crowded room never got quiet.” If you don’t say these things happened, the reader will assume they didn’t.

The last word . . .

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.