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Writer’s Mail

Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays with Story
September 7, 2018

 

Our Tuesday evening collect

Ten of your colleagues gathered around the tables – yes, we had tables! – on B&N’s bargain floor Tuesday evening. Here’s some of what was said in the critiques:

Paul Wagner (part 1 rewrite, “Mad Jack”) . . .

John Schneller (chapter 29, Final Stronghold) . . . A great deal of discussion was generated over a dirty rock. While the author limped away from the stoning, he did resolve to make things more clear to the reader instead of explaining himself to the critiquers. Thanks for the input. I think I figured out a way to develop the scene which will make the rock more useful when it shows up again later. The other concerns about the cashbox dynamics also need clarity, but doggone it, the description of the jail cell will  …..o heck, that will probably go also.  Thanks for the comments!  (more…)

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Writer’s Mail for May 14, 2012
by Jen Wilcher

Blending in with the students preparing for finals, five of us gathered at Barnes & Noble for critiquing and fun.

Up first, Terry Hoffman read from The Great Tome. Carol liked the improvements with the library scene, but would have liked some physical manifestations of the emotional pain Rachel surely must have suffered upon seeing the other children. Jen wanted to know why Rachel didn’t defend herself with the truth when Doug confronted her about not answering her phone – it was in the car. And Jack thought Doug made a bit of a leap in connecting Rachel’s disappearance to her messing with the book again. Andrea suggested letting the conversation move toward that – go from anger and worry about her being late to discovering she has the book again. Also felt that Rachel’s reactions were kind of child-like. These are both adults, here. Carol liked the hiding place for the book.

Jack Freiburger contemplated theology with Jesus and a cup of coffee in Jesus at the IHOP. There was some concern about being able to follow the time jumps which are both reflected by Johnny waking up. Terry said she had no trouble following it. Carol pointed out that the use of the month of “May” wouldn’t be likely, given the time period. Spring, perhaps. Terry and Andrea weren’t sure about the reasoning behind Jesus stealing Johnny’s coffee, but Carol liked the idea of him being a bit of a thief.

Carol Hornung read the next scene of Sapphire Lodge, which was a bit of an information dump. Jack said getting through the information would be more fun if it was funnier – give Finley a chance to play around with words and joke a bit. Terry felt that Finley is a little too eager to give up information. Make him a bit more coy, make Saffi work harder to get the information out of him. Andrea pointed out the too-frequent mentions of “sadness.” Need to cull that out a bit. Refocus on Finley – he’s lost part of his memory, and he has to be frustrated at that. That frustration would probably come through as snarkiness. (more…)

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