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Writer’s Mail

May 6, 2024 by amberboudreau

Tuesdays With Story

April 16, 2024

Please see note below from Larry regarding Fifth Tuesday (April 30, 2024)

First Word…

 “The lyf so short, the craft so long to lerne” – Chaucer, Geoffrey

Tuesday evening…

Seven TWS writer attended the meeting via Google Meet, five of which read from their works in progress.  Larry mentioned Jack’s surgery went well and he is recovering.  We had Johanna N. participate from Michigan but will not be joining the group.

Here is a summary of what was said:

Jaime N. – The group took up a couple chapters of New York, After All. It was suggested to describe the setting of the comedy club a little more. Suzanne asked if Lindyhop could have more of a reaction to the surprising joke that was told. Kashmira suggested that not all the planes would be gone if there are private planes, which fits with a theme of the book. Bob pointed out the club chapter is disorienting in a good way but lacks the energy of the previous version. Larry likes Alexei’s character. He suggested re-looking at the past and past perfect tenses. Thanks, all!

Mike A. – “Waiting for Coffee as a Measurement of Time.” This short piece got some great reviews and encouraging comments. Some of you liked the title, others did not. Some liked the thoughts on the eyes being the window to the soul, others did not. Everyone liked the monolog and reading about the subject’s pain, and all of the comments were helpful. Thanks everyone for your comments and encouragement!

Kashmira S. & Amit T. – If Not For the Partition, Chs. 43-45)

—Kedar’s response (after the rewrite) to his situation is now much stronger.

—Descriptive writing about Mumbai is very well done.

—A bit of confusion regarding time of the day was felt. Need to revise that.

Larry F. S. –  Brother’s Blood, Ch.11–In Commander Barr’s geostrategic musing, he should mention Hirohito by name, as he does with Hitler and Mussolini. Why is Jag staying in Washington all summer after the cruise? Is he trying to avoid his family? Does he feel guilty about Harold’s injury? Maybe a letter from home, perhaps from Dorie, would precipitate some good internalities.  Thanks all.

Kashmira S. –  Kashmira submitted three picture books.

The response was positive for all three of the books. There was a question about how some things will be illustrated for Walls. Maybe it was better suited for adult flash fiction. Jungle Meeting was more refined. Imagination has shifts in the text that is jarring. Jaime suggested that maybe it needs some kind of palate cleanser. 🙂

Thank you all. 

Here’s who’s up on May 8…

Mike A.

Amit T. and Kashmira S.

Jaime N. N.

Suzanne G.

Our Editor for May…

Suzanne Gillingham will serve as editor of Writer’s Newsletter. You have her email – use it.

News…

From Larry…

On April 30 at 7:00 pm we will hold OUR TRADITIONAL FIFTH TUESDAY GATHERING at my place. I know that Suzanne, Mike, and I will be here, with good food. We three will enjoy ourselves regardless, but it sure would be nice if we had a bigger turnout, so please come. Send me an email and let me know you are planning to attend. 

For this fifth Tuesday, our first in some time, there is no writing prompt. Just bring yourself, a guest of your choosing, if you choose, and a dish to pass. We here will provide paper plates, cups, napkins, and utensils, plus one or two main dishes. So bring a main dish, a dessert, a salad or appetizer. We’ll have iced tea, raspberry-lemon Crystal Light, some kind of wine and some kind of beer–but if you have exquisite tastes for something exotic like soda pop or Château Lafitte-Rothschild, feel free to bring your own.

Please respond fairly soon, because it’s less than two weeks away, and I relish the pleasure of anticipating your company.

We will not be Zooming this get-together, but you are welcome to attend in person from New York or Virginia if it suits you.

Cheers,

Lar

(Update: Seven total gathered at Larry’s place for a wonderful meal and fellowship.)

Last Word…

“Writing a book is an adventure. To begin with it is a toy and an amusement. Then it becomes a mistress, then it becomes a master, then it becomes a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster and fling him to the public.”

-Winston Churchill

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Writer’s Mail

April 18, 2024 by amberboudreau

April 2, 2024

First Word…

The only end of writing is to enable the readers better to enjoy life or better to endure it.

—B. Johnson, A free enquiry (1857)

Tuesday evening…

Seven TWS writer attended the meeting via Google Meet, five of which read from their works in progress. Mike Austin joined us after undergoing a successful hip surgery. Welcome back Mike!

Here is a summary of what was said:

Bob K. – Say What You Want, Ch. 4.  The good news is that the humor and general sense of paranoia is enough to maintain interest in what is going on. But then, what is going on? Lennie’s reason for writing a column about Phil Duffy is opaque. As is Edgar Paris’s motivation for agreeing to an interview with Lennie. At this point in the revision, only Edgar knows. Thanks for all the excellent suggestions.

Wendy B. – What Blood Runs Through Me: Chapters 17-18,  which focus on June’s summer stay at the Missouri farm, were well received. Some excellent issues were pointed out, including confusion on Tag’s age and the time line. The logistics of the conversation between Aunt Laura and Uncle Frank regarding the telegram, were off kilter, as was the conversation between Aunt Laura and June regarding the contents of the telegram. Equally important, was the misrepresentation of the number of times one could be baptized. An excellent suggestion was made by Bob to show the location of Spake’s Diner in relationship to other Chicago landmarks. All great recommendations that will enhance the chapters. Thanks so much!

Kashmira S. & Amit T. – If Not For the Partition, Chs. 41-42)

—Rewrite the first paragraph. It is confusing.

—Kedar’s is very passive. Need to show him taking charge.

—Kedar thinks he has seen some on akin to the flower women before. Mention if for the readers.

Larry F. S. –  Brother’s Blood Ch. 10:  More of Jag’s personal reaction to events is needed. Some people felt the violence of the hazing was excessive, while others felt it needed to be sharpened. The near-drowning of the pilot while his plane was being recovered was exciting, but not easy to visualize. And the attitude of the captain and others toward the search seemed unprofessional and unrealistic. Thanks all.

Kashmira S. –  Agaria Story. Kashmira submitted chapters from her Agaria story. They were well-received. The magical realism seems to work for most of you. There was a question about what age range this book is for. (It is a middle grade novel for ages 8-12.). Wendy wondered if the writing style is appropriate. Thank you. 

Here’s who’s up on April  18…

Kashmira S.

Mike A.

Amit T. and Kashmira S.

Larry F.S.

Jaime N. N.

Our Editor for April…

Amit Trivedi will serve as editor of Writer’s Newsletter. Email:Runik2@yahoo.com

News…

From Larry…

H, all. I just viewed this half-hour talk by Skip Press at Pepperdine University. He has a lot to say, and I found my thinking stimulated. You might enjoy it: 

Cheers,

Lar

Last Word…

“Poetry turns all things to loveliness.” — Percy Bysshe Shelly, A Defense of Poetry.

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Writer’s Mail

March 25, 2024 by amberboudreau

March 19, 2024

March is Women’s History Month—a celebration of women’s contributions to history, culture, and society.  There are so many amazing women writers!

First Word: “Writing is a process, a journey into memory and the soul. Write what should not be forgotten.” Isabel Allende

Announcements:  There will be five Tuesdays in April. An in-person gathering in the works?

Manuscript Discussion: Six member writers gathered in person or by Zoom to discuss six submissions.

Kashmira S. submitted chapters 4-5 of the Agaria story.

The group as a whole enjoyed it. There were some questions about logistics. For example, how Chitrak ended up sleeping there and needed clarification. There was also a comment about how mother’s skin may have suffered under the harsh sun and if Karna should mention that. Please remember that Karna is a boy and it is important to the story later on. Thank you for all your feedback. 

Jack F.  submitted chapter 12 of Jesus Walked into the IHOP

I was pleasantly surprised by the positive comments on the Imagine chapter.  I do need a bright chapter on this part of the book because the next set of His adventures is still rather heavy.  Jesus, like Christianity, has his ups and downs.

Taking April off for hip replacement will allow some writing time as well as research time.  Who knows, maybe he goes to India next instead of Africa? Thanks for all the comments.

Amit T. and Kashmira S. INFTP, chapters 39 and 40

  1. Kedar’s reaction is very passive when he sees Uma with Hari.  A more spirited reaction on his part is necessary than to just give in. 

2.  Kedar’s reaction to when Hari mentions Uma’s family is also very mild. 

3.  Should Uma take the lead in finding Kedar?

4. Show more of Kedar’s reflection on immediate past in his current thinking.

Suzanne G. submitted Chapter 21 of Kaleidoscope

Wendy thought the first two paragraphs could be stronger with some rewriting. She didn’t like the reference to the movie. It took her out of the scene. She wanted more detail in the sex scene. Larry thought the scenes were going the way they should and is hoping for a story climax soon. Several people don’t like the character of Emily (she seems unreal) nor Carey and Brandon’s fear of her. Kashmira wants more of a growth arc for Brandon. He’s too unsure of himself and their relationship. Amit thought the descriptions often slowed the story down. As always, thanks to everyone for your comments. They are helpful and much appreciated.

Wendy B. What Blood Runs Through Me, Chapters 15-16

               Excellent feedback on fine-tuning the chapters. Flush out Clarksville with descriptions other than the church scene. Some solid word choices suggested. Changing whistle pigs to ground hogs—but don’t you just love the word(s) whistle pigs? Good chapter ending.

               The short story, Jingle Bell Ginny, was also well received by the group. Interesting to know that It’s a Wonderful Life, did not become the Christmas classic it is today until almost thirty years after its 1946 release!

Next Up on April 3rd:  Bob K, Suzanne G, Larry S, Wendy B, and Kashmira S and Amit T. One open slot.

Thank you all for forwarding your summaries in a timely fashion. Good luck to Jack on his hip replacement. Happy Easter!

Last Word: “The beginning is always today.” Mary Shelley

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Writer’s Mail

March 15, 2024 by amberboudreau

March 5, 2024

First Word… “If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.” —Stephen King

Which begs the question, what are you reading? I am spellbound with Attica Locke’s novel, Bluebird, Bluebird.

Announcements:  Larry reported recent contacts with currently inactive members Mike A, Judy C, John S, and Paul W. All are doing well and send along their best regards to the group. Look for Mike, Judy, and maybe Paul to return to active participation soon. John is still extremely busy in the cow business.

Manuscript Discussion: Eight member writers and one guest gathered in person or by Zoom to discuss six submissions.

Larry F. S. Brother’s Blood, Ch. 9: Jack suggested the search plane’s recovery by crane ought to be mentioned as well as its launch by catapult and also gave some help on sharpening the tension between ROTC boys and regular Navy crew members. Suzanne pointed out that Peggy could easily be confused with Margaret, since Peggy is a short form or nickname for Margaret. There was general agreement that more conflict is needed. Thanks, everyone.

Jack F. Jesus  Walked Into the IHOP. It is very helpful for me to get Amit and Kashima’s assessment of my work, unclouded by theological presumptions all Christians have. They seem to be enjoying the story as story, which is necessary for anyone to read the eventual full piece. They asked if Jesus visited India, as some Hindu tests make that suggestions.  Very briefly I found the following.

A seminar was also organized under the aegis of Jagannath Gabeshana Parishad where eminent scholars like Dr Harekrushna Satapathy, Dr Siddheswer Mohapatra, Jagabandhu Padhi, Dr Debendra Dash and others deliberated over the Hindu religious texts which mentioned the activities of Jesus. Dr Trebst said 2,000 years ago Puri was a famous seat of learning and history has revealed that over the centuries religious leaders of various sects and cults had visited this holy shrine. It was most likely that Jesus had also visited this holy seat of learning, he said, though adding that it was a very difficult task to trace the history of his visit to Puri.

It appears I must do more research. Wendy and I have exchanged emails regarding her corrections and questions, all very helpful.

Amit T. INFTP

1.  Weave in the theme of abandonment and chaos (British leaving) in Kedar’s chapter. 2.  Tighten-up the paragraph pertaining to Mohan Kaka. 3.  Use holy man instead of Sadhu 4.  Kedar’s poem should also emphasize abandonment and sense of loss.

Thanks all for reading. Amit and Kashmira 

Kashmira S. Kashmira submitted the first three chapters of her MG novel about agarias. Overall, it was well received. The name of the protagonist made people think it was a girl. There was a discussion about what a flock of flamingos are called. Also, many felt that more details about the setting, salt pan etc. would be nice to have. Thank you all for your comments and feedback.

Editor’s Note: According to Wikipedia, Agariya or Agarias translates as Salt Farmers. Kashmira, please correct if not correct.

Jaimie N.  We took up a rewrite of chapter 7 of New York, After All. The group asked for a sense of how Lindyhop feels about her family’s living conditions when she is living in Carnegie Hall. It also needs to be clearer that she had been told by her family that her father died when she was five. The “four men” who are missing from the table should also probably be named. Thanks, all!

Wendy B. What Blood Runs Through Me, Chapters 13-14. Thoroughly enjoyed the well-deserved evisceration of June’s tracking of her father. Having fun writing something doesn’t count for much! The group is correct; it’s out of character for June, reads rather cutesy and contrived, and totally lacks tension. It’s great to get such invaluable feedback! That’s the big picture, too many smaller suggestions to mention. Thank you all:)

Next Up on March 19:  Bob K, Suzanne G, Kashmira S and Amit T, Wendy B, and Jack F.

Last word… “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.” —Anais Nin

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Writer’s Mail

March 5, 2024 by amberboudreau

Tuesdays With Story

February 20, 2024

First Word…

 

To choose to write is to reject silence.

—Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Tuesday evening…

Six TWS writer attended the meeting via Google Meet, five of which read from their works in progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

Bob K. – Say What You Want, Ch. 3, A minor character, Mead, was introduced in this chapter. Several comment came in about the office situation at the Department of Free Speech and the air of mystery and dread surrounding Mead’s job. Suzanne felt the conversation between Mead and Colvin (another minor character) accurately reflected office talk. The rubberized helmet thing connected to the machine on Mead’s desk was unclear to several readers. Great comments, all.

Wendy B. – What Blood Runs Through Me, Chs. 10-12,   The Sommer family saga continues with the funeral for Tommy. Earl (father) returns home after missing the funeral and becomes a person of interest with Homicide Detective Taggert. It just goes to show you, you can never proofread a chapter too many times. Big picture comments include the need to flush out Liz and Earl’s characters/presence/dialogue more. Several people zoomed in on the misplaced apostrophe on pluralizing Mallory as Mallory’s. It should be Mallorys. A lesson to be learned–shy away from tricky names like Jones, which becomes Joneses or if referring to their house becomes Joneses’ house. Noting several other grammatical errors was greatly appreciated. Obviously not my strong point…Thank you! 

Kashmira S. & Amit T. – If Not For the Partition, Chs. 35-37,

—The writing is good. There was confusion about Dr. Masa/Dr. Kaka.

—Need some ideas as to how long Uma and Kedar have been separated.

—Kedar needs to have some growth and emotional maturity. Show how he has changed after going through such violent experiences. 

Larry F. S. – Brother’s Blood, Ch. 9, start: Jack thought there were a couple of nautical things Jag would already know, about squads and airplanes. Wendy wanted to know what a bosun was. Everyone felt the four-paragraph section at the end was too much telling and not enough showing. Kashmira wanted Jag to have some correspondence with, or thoughts of, his family.  Good comments all. Thanks.

Suzanne G. – Charles, There was a general consensus that my piece read more like a first chapter than a short story. It needed some change to happen in Charles, as well as more information on Justin and their relationship. One person suggested a creepier beginning would increase the creepiness of the story.  Thanks everyone for the comments. I greatly appreciate them.

Here’s who’s up on March 5…

Kashmira S.

Wendy B.

Suzanne G.

Jack F.

Larry F.S.

Jaime N. N.

Our Editor for March…

Wendy Bialek will serve as editor of Writer’s Newsletter. She is always on the lookout for good things to include, and so if you have something you want her to include, do email it to her.

WISCONSIN ACADEMY OF SCIENCES, ARTS AND LETTERS

Our 2024 writing contests are open for submissions. Sean Enfield will judge the fiction contest. Dorothy Chan will judge the poetry contest.

Contest Deadline: MARCH 15, 2024

Entry fee: $10 Academy members / $15 non-members

Judges: Sean Enfield for fiction and Dorothy Chan for poetry

Prizes: 

  • 1st-place winners receive a one-week artist residency at Shake Rag Alley Center for the Arts in Mineral Point.
  • Win cash prizes: $500 for 1st place, $250 for 2nd place, and $100  for 3rd place.
  • Read at the 2024 Wisconsin Book Festival.
  • 1st-3rd-place winners are published in print and online issues of Wisconsin People & Ideas magazine. 

Last Word…

“There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal.”

— Toni Morrison

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Writer’s Mail

February 18, 2024 by amberboudreau

Tuesdays With Story

February 6, 2024

First Word…

“I want my stories to move people — I don’t care if they’re men or women or children. I want my stories to be something about life that causes people not to say, “Oh, isn’t that the truth,” but to feel some kind of reward from the writing. And that doesn’t mean that it was to have a happy ending or anything — but just that everything the story tells moves [you] in such a way that you feel you’re a different person when you finish.”

—Alice Munro

Tuesday evening…

Eight TWS writers attended the meeting via Google Meet, six of whom read from their works in progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

—Jaime N. N. (New York After All, Chapters 4-5 rewrite)

In Nathan’s chapter, the group requested some additions: add a little more of Nathan’s flashback, more about Nathan’s painful hand, a better sense of the passage of time. Wendy pointed out Nathan probably would be able to speak even in his condition. In Lindyhop’s chapter, the group was intrigued about the horse buses but unsure why there would be a lack of parking in this era. It was suggested to see the solar panels on the truck’s roof and to see more vividly the shattered column and other broken pieces of the downtown landscape. A teaser about what Lindyhop hopes to discover in the next chapter of her mother’s book would also be beneficial. Thank you!

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Writer’s Mail

January 7, 2024 by Nelson Noven

Tuesdays with Story
1/7/24

The first word . . .

“Strange as it may seem, memoir isn’t about you. It’s not even the story of your life. It’s a story carved from your life, a particular series of events chosen because they have the greatest resonance for the widest range of people.” –Prince Harry’s ghostwriter J. R. Moehringer to Prince Harry (The New Yorker, “Notes from Prince Harry’s Ghostwriter”)

Tuesday evening. . .

Five TWS writers came together on Zoom this week to discuss chapters from three novels-in-progress. Here is some of what was said:

— Suzanne G. (Kaleidoscope, chapter 19) . . . Everyone thought the chapter was sensitively done and kept them reading. There were some suggestions as to changes for point of view and places where more description was needed. Of course there were also places where less description was needed. Thanks everyone for the comments. I appreciate your hard work.

— Wendy B. (What Blood Runs Through Me, chapters 6-7) . . . Chapters 6 and 7 introduce two detectives, Boyle and Taggert, who will be investigating Tommy’s abduction. While the small but mighty group agreed that the story is unfolding at a good pace, some excellent suggestions were made, such as crediting the reader with half a brain and thus eliminating the need to overexplain things. Making sure the dialogue fits the character was another helpful thought. My personal favorite, however, was Larry’s logistical observation on how Mrs. Jackson could somersault into her tub. The discussion also helped generate new ideas for possible scenes. Thank you all! Every suggestion is greatly appreciated.

— Larry S. (Brother’s Blood, chapter 5) . . . Everybody thought the description of Harold’s mental condition of left neglect was interesting. Wendy wanted to see more physical manifestations of Pop’s pugnacious personality, also Mom more involved and a sense of the source of Harold’s excitement about going back to school. Thanks, everybody.

January 16th meeting cancelled

Due to no one being available to host on January 16th and skipping the usual Fifth Tuesday gathering, our next meeting will be February 6.

Who’s up next . . . 

On February 6, here’s who will be presenting:

Jaime N.
Bob K.
Wendy B.
Suzanne G.
Larry S.

Our editor . . .

January’s editor is Jaime N., anglonerd@gmail.com. February’s editor will be Bob K., novelbob@gmail.com. March’s editor will be Wendy B., wbialek@live.com.

10 Writing Podcasts for the New Year . . .

  • Fiction Writing Made Easy with Savannah Gilbo
  • Essential Guide to Writing a Novel with James Thayer
  • #AmWriting
  • Ink in Your Veins with Rachael Herron
  • I Should Be Writing with Mur Lafferty
  • Master Fiction Writing with Stuart Wakefield
  • The Shit No One Tells You About Writing
  • So You Want to Be a Writer with Valerie Khoo
  • Write-Minded: Weekly Inspiration for Writers (NaNoWriMo)
  • Writing Excuses

The last word . . .

“One of the things that both writers and actors do that fascinates me is that if you catch either a writer or an actor in, perhaps, a coffee shop where one is learning lines or going through lines and the other is writing a play, you’ll see the most amazing facial expressions. I do the facial expressions of everybody I’m writing.” –Neil Gaiman (Chinwag Podcast, episode 38)

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Writer’s Mail

December 30, 2023 by Nelson Noven

Tuesdays with Story
December 19, 2023

The first word . . .

“The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday Evening . . .

Wendy B. (What Blood Runs Through Me)

The three chapters from What Blood Runs Through Me were well received by the group. Some excellent suggestions included defining the Chicago neighborhood more and slowing down June’s reaction to the taking of Tommy-ah, yes, that old art of unease… And then there’s that perpetual question: why doesn’t June mention the man to the police/her mother if she suspects he might have taken her brother? I’m hoping naysayers will buy into my premise that June is a 14-year-old girl who makes a bad decision because she is in denial. If she tells, it makes it real, and that makes her responsible. I will reinforce that in upcoming chapters. Thanks so much for the feedback! 

Amber B. (Star-Crossed)

Amber B. read from the end of her tentatively tilted timey-wimey romance Star-Crossed. Overall, the group seemed to think these were solid chapters enough to want to continue. However, Judy thought there was a bit too much introspection and would like to see some more action. Wendy didn’t think the main protagonist’s ex sounded like a jerk, though another character called him a bad name. (Amber agreed. The ex isn’t a bad person. He deserved better than the protagonist at present (but he’s still an ex.)) Wendy didn’t get the Elsa reference. The same reference took Jamie a couple of pages, and Judy got it right away. Jamie thought the phone call to the editor could be streamlined. Larry pointed to two paragraphs that seemed to point to the main thrust of the work and wanted some expansion on those ideas. 

Kashmira S. (Poets’ Daughter)

Kashmira submitted the first 14 pages of her MG novel Poets’ Daughter. There were too many “ing” words and also “would” used instead of “will’. A suggestion to compress some poems to make it more evocative. Overall, everyone enjoyed the story and thought it moved along well.

Jamie N. (New York, After All)

Jaime N: We took up chapter two of New York, After All, which introduces the protagonist Lindyhop. There was a consensus that the chapter needed more tension or thoughts from Lindyhop about her missing brother. Readers wanted more of the setting and for there to be fewer things the reader needs to figure out before the scene is set. Kashmira wondered if there could be another character for Lindyhop to play off of in the opening. Larry had some suggestions for the newspaper headlines. I will also look at tightening some of these long, cumbersome sentences. Thanks, all!

Larry S. (Brother’s Blood, Chapter 5)

Larry, Brother’s Blood, Ch. 5 partial: Kashmira and Judy both wanted more of Hal’s internal reaction to his new state. Wendy wanted to see more of his interactions with family members–more irritation, frustration, impatience, etc. Judy asked whether Hal’s problems were typical of head injuries. I need to do more research on that. Thanks, everybody.

Who’s up next . . . 

Suzanne R.

Paul W.

Larry S.

Wendy B.

The last word . . .

“The worse enemy to creativity is self-doubt,” Sylvia Plath

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Writer’s Mail

December 14, 2023 by amberboudreau

Tuesdays with Story
December 5, 2023

The first word . . .

“Truth is stranger than fiction but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.” Mark Twain

Tuesday Evening . . .

Wendy B. (What Blood Runs Through Me)

Some excellent suggestions were made for the three chapters reviewed. First and foremost was the need to identify that June is the narrator and not a reference to the month of June. Needless to say, this caused some confusion. Also pointed out was the need for reorganizing some of the sentences and paragraphs, as well as trimming certain descriptions. The suggestion for increased internal thought was spot-on and greatly appreciated. Thank you all for taking the time to review!

Mike A. (Backroads, Chapters 21-22)

Mike A., Backroads Chapters 21-22, received favorable reviews all around. There was some confusion about Red being the bank robber and whether Stevens had hired him, or he was robbing it on his own (which he was).  I also need to use more active verbs instead of passive. And I just looked up “past simple vs past progressive” in reference to “He wore” (for instance) versus “He was wearing.” I hadn’t thought about there being words to define those forms, but see that those are forms I need to keep in mind. I’m learning grammar! Thanks everyone. 

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Writer’s Mail

December 2, 2023 by amberboudreau

Tuesdays With Story

November 21, 2023

First Word…

“Stories have to be told or they die, and when they die, we can’t remember who we are or why we’re here.”

— Sue Monk Kidd, author

Tuesday evening…

Five TWS writers attended the meeting via Google Meet, two of which read from their works in progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

—Suzanne Gillingham, Kaleidoscope, Ch. 15,16. Jack had some structural comments. Wendy thought there should be a better description of the room Brandon’s Mom’s things were stored in, as well as more of a reaction from Brandon on the discovery of the package. She commented there should be a better transition to the bar in San Francisco and a better description of the place. Mike likes where the story is going and enjoyed Brandon’s interactions with his family. He also thought the story needed a better transition to the bar in SF. Larry thought it was a good idea to take Brandon to SF–more interactions with someone other than Carey. He liked the complexity of the Grandmother but said adding in interactions with Brandon’s Dad was too much family too soon. He noted there was more explaining and internal dialog than needed. And there should be a better transition to the bar in SF. (I see a pattern here. Lol) Judy also commented on the excessive internal dialog. Jamie wanted more of a reaction from Carey to Brandon’s synesthesia. Thanks everyone for their comments. I appreciate them all!

—Jaime Nelson Noven, New York, After All, Ch. 1. The group took up a rewrite of New York, After All chapter one. The group generally thought the scene was believable and worked well in present tense. It was suggested that the orange could be replaced by something that set the dystopian scene better. Jack suggested giving Shabbos another line of context. Wendy liked the last sentence of the first paragraph and recommended it as the opening sentence of the novel. She also suggested adding more tension to the missing boy, especially since this is the central conflict of the book. Thanks, all!

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