Tuesdays with Story

(Apologies for the delay in posting. Times being what they are, I appreciate your patience.)

Tuesdays with Story
May 8, 2020

The first word . . .

I write for myself and strangers. The strangers, dear Readers, are an afterthought.

Gertrude Stein

They met on Zoom . . .

Huckle joined eight of our regulars Tuesday evening gathered in front of their computers to critique the stories and chapters of five of our writers. Here are summaries of the critiques they received:

— Bob Kralapp (chapter 15, Capacity) . . .  There were a few mentions of the chapter’s eerie otherworldly feeling and of Melissa’s POV. This was, mainly, the point of the chapter. That, and giving her character a bit more visibility in the proceedings. The light at the end was meant as an antidote to the alienating (to her) carnival scene. Amber pointed out that the tense in this paragraph is inconsistent and needs attention.

— Kashmira Sheth (chapter 3-5, Journey to Swaraj) . . .In Journey to Swaraj many of you pointed out having too many Indian words and cutting down on them. Jack also mentioned referencing some of the Indian classics as they appear. The water buffalo needed to have more reaction after all the buildup and some of the metaphors could be tweaked to make them more relevant. Thank you all.

— Larry Sommers (short story, “Brothers”) . . .  In my story, “Brothers,” several people noticed a contradiction in Mama’s philosophical statement in the penultimate paragraph, indicating how she felt about the men who had killed her first son, Abel. Both Jerry and Jack cautioned about aspects of the two boys, Jack and Cisco, falling into the river from the railroad bridge. More than one person expressed a desire to see Jack’s journey in his brother’s footsteps consummated more fully. All agreed that the addition of the biracial family angle and the murder of Abel gave the story more bite and resonance. Thanks, all.

— Mike Austin (short story, “Winter Wonderland”) . . . “Winter Wonderland” received many helpful comments. One, of course, is that snow blower is two words, not one. And that snow blowers plug up easier than one might think. So I need to find a workaround for that, like maybe sharper blades, or maybe a turbo diesel engine custom-fitted to the chassis. But then, as we discussed, that would be some premeditation on Ray’s part, and I want this to be the spontaneous eruption following years of grievances against Orv. I also want to flesh that out, just to give Ray more motivation.

Larry had trouble with the visual geometry, of the narrator being able to see all of the action from his kitchen. The reader needs to be able to see it. So I’ll work on that, the lay of the land.

I need to avoid using the passive voice.

Other words used toward “Winter Wonderland” were, “horrific,” “shocking,” “creepy,” and “stunned.” Also “Thanks.” I hear that from some dates. Except for the thanks. Thanks everyone for the helpful comments! Mike

— Jerry Peterson (short story, “The Bus Jockey and the Posey”) . . . The question most had was how is it that the bus driver and the several passengers know each other so well? The answer is this is a commuter bus daily taking people to work and back home. That’s never stated in the story, so Jerry has to fix that. Jack and Larry also suggested that the bus driver use an old Leica camera and a light meter for his hobby of taking pictures of flowers rather than a cellphone’s camera. “He’s serious about this stuff,” Jack said.

Who’s up next . . .

May 19

Amit Trivedi (???)

John Schneller (chapter 18, Broken rewrite)

Larry Sommers (chapters 1-2, Izzy) . . .

Amber Boudreau (chapter, Second Nature)

Jerry Peterson (chapters 3-4, For Want of a Hand)

Amber, Larry, and Jerry have already posted their chapters.

Where are Tracey and Scott? . . .

Tracey Gemmell and her husband Scott are not in England. In a couple days they won’t be in New Glarus, either. Said Tracey in an email note, “We have to be out of our house next week [Tracey and Scott have sold their New Glarus house.] but we’re not able to fly to England yet, though we are already paying rent on a house there! We are moving into a tiny apartment in Madison on Monday. I hope to leave May 29th. Scott will be following when the visa offices open again so he can be legal.

“Quite the mess but great writing fodder. My last two blogs got me back on BBC radio again under the heading, ‘You Can’t Make This Stuff up!’

“How’s TWS? I miss you all.”

Tracey, we all miss you too! I hope things work out for you and Scott.

Our editor . . .

It’s Kashmira Sheth for this and our next issue. If you have something you’d like her to put in our next issue, send it on.

We do need an editor for June. Are you ready to volunteer?

Kashmira Sheth:

Third chapter book in my Nina Soni series will be published next spring:

As we endure COVID-19 many of us have turned to gardening. I hope our mosquito season is delayed so we can garden in peace for a long time. I don’t know about you, but I am a mosquito magnet.

My next book in Nina Soni series is inspired by my not-so-successful gardening attempts. The title is, Nina Soni, Master of the Garden. Writing this story I have drawn upon my gardening hobby along with my two daughters’ childhood experiences of growing up in Madison.

The last word . . .

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Aristotle