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Writer’s Mail

May 8, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for May 7, 2012
by Jen Wilcher

Notes 05-01-12
Pam and Andy, friends of Aaron, joined us for the evening.
Alicia shares chapter one of her new Lincoln novel. Millie said it sounds like it’s going to be a good story. Pat thought the language, tone, and meter sound good. Alicia explains a bit more about the backstory. Pat was looking for a reason to turn the page at the end though. There’s some question of what the story is—this entry might turn into a flashback chapter. Jerry has a question about the tall grass and people losing sight of their leaders once they sit down. Pat wonders what happened to the food. Greg was a little disappointed there wasn’t an actual confrontation with Blackhawk—Alicia made it up. Millie thought some of the sentence got a little long, but that was how Lincoln talked.

Greg read from chapters twenty-three through twenty-five. Millie thought the main character would surely be dead after the last chapter. Rebecca wondered if all of the aliens have long faces or just the one the main character is talking to. Pat thought it read very fast again. She wondered if we could still be calling them aliens, but Greg answers that later in the Chapter. Pat will also be upset if there’s fluorescent lighting that far in the future. Rebecca thought the character would be more upset with the loss of life. Is there a way to remind the reader about the force field she’s under? Pat wonders what’s happened to her implants. Pat liked the scene with Kevin, but thought the romance could be played up a bit. Jerry didn’t think the second reference to their location was needed. Alicia had some suggestions when it came to the legal parts.

Amber shares chapter five and six from her YA novel. Can the wyvern look satisfied when he comes up with the right word. Pat likes the protagonist. Jerry thought it was nice to see they become friends. Jen thought there were some superficial details that could go. Pam suggests adding es’s to the Yes’s. Jerry wants there to be a reason to turn the page. Could we end with the request for more chips. How about the ‘Why me?’ question. Should Moira ask where his mother is? Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 3, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
April 19, 2012
By Pat Edwards

“If you write one story, it may be bad; if you write a hundred, you have the odds in your favor.” - Edgar Rice Burroughs

Notes from 4-17-12
Eight of us around the table tonight – 1 guest. Jaida, finishing her English degree, sits in with the group after having visited with 2nd and 4th.

Rebecca shares chapter 6 of The Cheese Logue. Lisa really enjoys the writing and admires her clarity. Pat wonders if there should be a break after a particular scene. Jen agrees it needs a better transition. Jerry didn’t follow the description of putting the money in the register. Greg thought this was the best integrated chapter so far. A couple of people were surprised at the age of one of the characters. Pat liked the juxtaposition of Rebecca not being afraid to wear a cheesehead in public, but terrified of reading in front of the group.

Lisa shares Chaper 2 of Follow the Yellow. Jerry had a question about the way something was written – it sounded as if one character placed a hat on her own head instead of another characters. Pat wondered why there was so much info about a new character. Rebecca thought it was strange someone bit their lip so hard it bled. Jen wonders how much ASL one character knows. Turns out, none, the character’s mother is translating. There’s some question and discussion about the level of mental ability of one character and all of the childlike characteristics she displays.

Pat shares her poem, Luna. First of all, I’m honored to have my name mentioned in a poem by Pat. Lisa admits the moon is her favorite heavenly body. Greg didn’t think it was Pat’s most poetic poem, but he likes the moon, too. There’s some question of measuring the moon with one’s thumb; Greg didn’t like it, Jaida liked the visual. Jen liked the last two lines, Lisa didn’t –that’s poetry folks. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 16, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
April 11, 2012
By Pat Edwards

“Write with the door closed, rewrite with the door open.” – Stephen King

2nd and 4th at the Barnes & Noble
Present: Jack, Terry, Jen, Holly, Katelin, Kat, Jaida (Jaida is new!)
Fifth Tuesday is coming up May 29! Terry will host. Please send ideas for a writing challenge to Katelin. More details to come!

Terry read pages 77-79 of chapter 6 from “The Great Tome.”
Holly thought that the earlier scene in the restaurant with the character Katie was good – lots of little details of action that made her feel like she was there. It didn’t make sense to toast to life though – what does that have to do with Katie meeting a guy? Kat also thought that the dialogue was good. She could tell that Katie was excited because of the self-interrupting. Jaida thought it feels choppy, though the short sentences do convey Katie’s excitement. Combine some sentences and it might flow better and still keep the drama.
On page 77, Jack thought that Rachel’s confrontation of Ace was not strong enough, and Ace’s sidestep not direct enough. Perhaps Rachel should repeat the question more. Rachel could use Ace looking for things to bring up the book again in different ways. Make the dialogue dance so that the characters and words flow in the same direction. Holly thought it might work better if Ace didn’t pick anything for the still life until Rachel starts asking about the book, and then suddenly Ace starts to pick and grab things in a hurry. Ace sets up the still life to dodge Rachel’s questions. Jen asked if Rachel is trying to validate herself or confront Grace? They are different things. Probably both. Jack suggested that Rachel could suggest a book to Ace for a still life subject to bring it up again. In the scene there are two people searching for different things. Weave those searches together. Holly thought Rachel seemed passive. She’s fragile, but has a strong personality – bring that out more. Kat suggested more frustration in the interior dialogue. Jack noticed a lot of observational strength from Rachel in the scene with Katie. Bring that to the scene with Ace. Kat suggested more observations of Ace’s gestures and facial clues to what she’s thinking or feeling. With Rachel observing Ace more, it can become more of a game to Rachel, which is when she can really use more of the hypothetical questions. Holly thought Ace could have more hippie language in her voice to make her character livelier. Jaida noticed that Terry uses a lot of hands in descriptions of actions. Mix it up some.

Jack read part III of “Jesus Walked into the IHOP.”
Terry liked the phrase “following like a long shadow.” Holly generally liked the section. She didn’t like the voice because it seemed to slip in and out of being Jesus’s voice. Since it’s an omniscient narrator through Jesus’ eyes, Jaida suggested more insight from the narrator. Jen was confused about who “he” was in the 2nd sentence of the 2nd paragraph. Kat was unsure what “HE WAS THE ONE” was supposed to mean without seeing the earlier mention of this. Kat pointed out a lack of consistency in capitalization of “God” in “God-fearers.” Jaida wondered if the second to last paragraph was meant to be funny. It could be very funny if cleaned up more. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 9, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
April 4, 2012
By Pat Edwards

“I just write what I wanted to write. I write what amuses me. It’s totally for myself. I never in my wildest dreams expected this popularity.” – J. K. Rowling

At the B&N Tuesday Night
Greg shares Chapter 20 of Beyond Cloud Nine. Jerry wants to know why one character is checking for her pulse. Pat was wondering why she couldn’t find it. She also had to slow herself down so she could critique the chapter because it read very fast. Pat wants to know how one character is getting his input from the bugs planted on another character. Greg tells us he would not get the info in real time. How do we see something that’s colorless? Very tight writing.

Amber shares Chapter 4 of her Noble rewrite. Pat is disappointed the books don’t whisper to each other and wonders where Ivan is. Greg liked the descriptive chapter on a new character. John wanted more mystery associated with the young man in the library.

Lisa reads from the first chapter of her new story Follow the Yellow. Everyone liked the opening line, but there seems to some question of how mute one character seems to be. Is there actual voice box damage to cause the character to be mute or does she just choose not to speak? John wants to know why they explain this all to an almost stranger. Greg reminds us all not to get too attached to certain plot points. Pat thought the dialogue moved, but got lost in some of the exposition. Jen questions the grand mal seizure scenario also. John wanted to know who Javier was—he sort of pops up out of nowhere. A few of us weren’t sure about who the main male character was.

Jerry reads from Book 2—Rage of Thou Shalt not Murder. Pat did not like reading this because it made her that uncomfortable. Greg found the gun a little hard to follow—literally. John wonders why the character even needed the book for the gun, if he didn’t do anything with the book. Lisa didn’t think the character was a high school student. Rebecca liked the use of the term ‘art knife.’ John found the character a little nebulous and had a question about the evacuation that follows the gunshots. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

March 27, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
March 26, 2012

“I’m the hero of this story, I don’t need to be saved…” -Regina Specktor, “Hero”

First and Second Recap
Rebecca, The Cheese Logue.
• Jen suggested she change ballpark to stadium because we’re talking about football.
• Pat wonders if the part with Sophie should be in another chapter.
• Greg didn’t think it moved the story forward either.
• Millie liked the poem.
• Greg asks about who the target audience is; Rebecca imagines it for women between the ages of 18 and dead.
• Alicia thought the character, Rebecca, didn’t really react to being in the bar, though she didn’t enjoy it.
• Pat points out that if it’s an honest reaction, even if it’s bad, people will empathize with it.
• Amber wanted more trivia about how many Superbowl games the Packers have one.

Millie, Life On Hold.
• Just a note: in dialogue we speak the numbers, but in narrative we can leave the number as a number, like 1957. The key is to be consistent. (Ah-ha)
• Pat points out a section that could be cut because nothing really happens and we get to the debate faster. She also doesn’t think a serious debater would lose her cool.
• Alicia thought the argument was way too short and doesn’t think it got to the core issues; perhaps she could insert some additional points so you get the feeling that the debate went on the appropriate length of time.

Pat, Poems Hey You! & Open House
• Jen accidentally deleted the poem because she thought it was some kind of advertisement. (ROTFL)
• Rebecca wondered if there was any real driving. Pat was just trying to follow the format of the daytime commercial.
• Alicia thought the different types of poems got a little elevated and suggested getting rid of the asterisk but Jen liked it.
• Rebecca begs for a series of funny poems.
• Everybody enjoyed it though.
• Next Pat shares Open House. Jerry liked the last three lines.
• Alicia brought up the sad element of the poem, because it made their lives feel simply too routine.

Greg, Beyond Cloud Nine.
• Pat was really zipping along, turning pages, having to slow down and remember to review, but she had a problem with the twelve minute reboot.
• Pat wonders why the main character doesn’t say anything about the sabotage to her sister.
• Amber had a question about a couple of characters reaction. What happens to tears in zero gravity.
• Jerry wonders if someone pops up and spins in zero gravity, they keep going—she has to reach out a hand to stop herself.
• Alicia thought it moved really well and the dialogue was so good, some details could be peppered in, perhaps even some humor added.
• Jerry wants to know if Brooke’s going to survive the end of the chapter. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

March 21, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
March 20, 2012

“A white blank page…and a swelling rage…”-Mumford and Sons, “White Blank Page”

Second and Forth Recap
Terry Hoffman, The Great Tome
• Jen suggested that there needed to be a better transition from the present section to the flashback section.
• Kristin liked the inner dialogue especially the part where things seem normal
• Rachel doesn’t want to mess things up.
• Carol liked the dialogue. She noted a place that needed more physical gestures when the mother was talking about Doug.

Carol Hornung, Sapphire Lodge
• Holly asked what was the purpose of the scene. Carol replied that the scene brings up suspicion on a few characters.
• Jen felt that the scene was short and could be expanded upon. Carol said another scene afterwards brings everything into more context.
• Holly asked Carol to expand the two small scenes in this segment and expand Rita’s character. The reader needs to understand why Saffi is worried for Rita.

Liam Wilbur, The Payment
• Kateline suggested that Liam show the bad guys removing shards of glass from the window before entering the house.
• Holly suggested that Nick try to hid, but didn’t have time to hide properly.
• Carol asked if one of the bad guys was searching the house, why he didn’t find the other kids. She suggested that Liam explore that idea.
• Terry suggested Nick shows some regret for throwing the brick.
• Jen suggested that Liam provide more description of the place.
• Carol said that the dialogue seems modern. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

March 11, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
March 10, 2012

“I write what I think you should know; not what you think you know.” -Unknown speaker regarding her writing style

First and Third recap- 3/6/2012
Greg: Beyond Cloud Nine- Chapter 18
• Pat notes the small quote at the beginning of the chapter. To her it moved really fast – she had to slow herself down to critique the piece. What does it look like to move from the third to the fourth dimension? The only part Pat didn’t like concerned X-ray vision. She thought there would be more of energy and waves experience.
• Jerry wants to know how a pilot would handle flying through the shift. Also, Jerry wants to know why one character plays the ditz after showing a real depth of knowledge.
• Rebecca had an aesthetic issue – she wanted to see something unique on the ship in every room.
• Jerry didn’t think the character would be instantly calm at the end after she’s shrieking.
• Greg would like to thank everyone for their critiques in the past, as they helped him make it to the second round of Amazon’s Breakout Novel Contest.
• Greg got a bit of feedback for Goodbye Mars. Pat points out that insect only have 6 legs – not 8. If it had 8, it would be an arachnid. Also Pat wonders if blue eyes would still be around that far in the future.

Liam
• Liam shares some sad news with the group; her grandfather passed away recently. She shares the eulogy she wrote with the group. Pat suggests she reuse some of the imagery as several of us laugh out loud at different parts.
• She also shared photos

Aaron: What Hath God Wrought?-Screenplay
• Rebecca and Lisa found it a little sappy when one character started crying in front of his coworker.
• Pat had a question about electricity and wires.
• Jerry thought it was interesting that the jar tipped over and the fluid ran out, but we never saw the brain.
• Aaron thinks that would make a good visual.
• Amber had a question about the ending.
• It wasn’t clear to Lisa if the one character died or not.
• Jerry suggests that a look is enough to telegraph the question (get it? telegraph?) in film. Continue Reading »

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