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Writer’s Mail

May 23, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 05/14/13

“A character is never the author who created him. It is quite likely, however, that an author may be all his characters simultaneously. “– Albert Camus

Tuesday at B&N . . .

Amber shared chapter thirteen of Noble with the group. Lisa took notes. Judith liked the chapter and was interested to see where it would lead concerning the main character’s training. Lisa thought the chapter ended on a good note. Pat had a couple of questions about entering the woods and things going quiet. She also has a question about bow anatomy. Andy didn’t think the chapter had a enough zing and suggested putting it on a shelf and coming back to it later.

Mike shared a poem with the group. He doesn’t have copies so we all listened. Betsy and Andy liked the last line. Pat liked the rhythm but one of the lines didn’t resonate with her. She says she needs to read a poem a couple of times before she gets it. Pat and Lisa found a lot of power in the words and expect that Mike would channel a Maori warrior when he reads it. Mike says he felt that way when he read it. The second poem Mike shares with the group is a letter to a person who had a lot of influence on him as he was growing up. Betsy and Pat think it could be turned into a prose poem format and suggest editing it down. Lisa knows the music Mike is referring to and is in favor of polishing it up and sending it to them.

Lisa shared part of chapter one of Tebow Family Secret. Andy thought it was an effective opening but that there was a lot of info dropped on the reader. Pat thought a lot of what she read could be cut and instead sprinkled in with her visit to the therapist. Pat thinks a therapist wouldn’t ask a lot of yes or no questions, but more leading, open-ended questions. Andy liked the ending but Pat thought she could have left it in a cliffhanger. The group looks up and briefly discusses what a chiasma is in literature.

Judith shared part of chapter one of My Mother, Savior of Men. Lisa says she knows she knows mothers like the one in the story. Pat liked the word choice. Andy didn’t believe a woman of ninety-five wouldn’t sleep that much. Also he thought there was an info dump at the end though Pat liked the narrative at the end because it made a good story. Lisa wanted more of one character and agreed with Andy about the end. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 16, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 05/14/13

“The Florida in my novels is not as seedy as the real Florida. It’s hard to stay ahead of the curve. Every time I write a scene that I think is the sickest thing I have ever dreamed up, it is surpassed by something that happens in real life.”   — Carl Hiaasen

 

Tuesday at B&N . . .

Ruth, who had popped in at First and Third meetings, visited today. The first 20 minutes were spent introducing her to particulars of the group.

After orientation was over, Bill presented his short story “Conflict.” During the feedback session, Bill stated that Mike was supposed to be a violent jerk, and everyone disagreed, and saw Maria as the villain. In addition to calling Maria a criminal and saying that Mike was always doing the right thing, Andy also stated that the story was too short for everything that happened in it; Jen echoed this, criticizing the overuse of passive telling as opposed to active showing. Terry and Holly offered similar criticisms. Holly said that although he needs to be painted as a jerk with severe anger management issues, he still needs to be likable. Everyone wanted to see more verbal threats and angry actions, like pounding on tables, accidentally knocking his coffee over his newspaper, and arguing with the mechanic and insurance agent about repainting his car. The group talked about various incidents of car damage. Before moving on, Terry mentioned the overuse of “was” and wanted to increase the strength of verbs, and Andy offered one last piece of feedback: That if Maria was taking care of her sick mother, she would not be so reckless and insensitive to someone else’s car. Bill disclosed that she’s from a rough neighborhood and had many things she was stressed out about, and it was suggested that Bill show that through actions.

Andy presented an outline and character notes for his novel People. He read from Brenna’s biography, and everyone did not think the brothel fit with her story and was too over-the-top. The thought process of the group was that she was abused by her uncle and she became a vigilante, killing him and destroying the house in the process. The consensus was to take the brothel out and replace it with her abusive uncle (Ruth said to keep the fire as an accident), then proceed with the story as planned. Jen said to get the bare bones down first, then flesh it out from then. Holly said that if she did it as a minor, she could get psychiatric evaluations and become stable by the time she was offered the SPIES job. The suggestion of her aversion to men was already in her story; it was suggested that she just punch Spalding when he molests her shoulder. Andy became really overwhelmed and shut up… but things are getting interesting.

Rebecca presented the final chapter of The Cheese Logue. Although everyone once again found it boring – except for comparing a cow to a roasted marshmallow – we enjoyed the way it ended. Terry suggested using Post-Its or spreadsheets to show character progression throughout the story, and building things up for the ending to be more complete. Andy once again suggested that there be more instances of personality. Holly wanted Rebecca to show more relationships building, and being friends with all the people around her. Andy said “You have to get other people to treasure what you treasure” – about working at the Cheese Shop, and again mentioned the comparison against Big Box Mart. This led into a discussion about the lighting of Big Box Mart vs the Cheese Shop. When Rebecca mentioned that it was a “home away from home,” everyone wanted her to paint that picture as strong as possible. Rebecca agreed. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 10, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 05/09/13

You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we’re doing it. –Neil Gaiman

Last Tuesday at B&N . . .

We have a couple visitors. Ruth and Betsy join us for the evening.
Lisa reads from the beginning of her novel (tentatively titled) Tebow’s Family Secret. Andy has a question about the date of the main character’s accident and whether it is significant to September 11, 2001. Pat remembers Lisa’s first version and thinks this is tighter but there’s still some editing that needs to be done. Andy wonders if Lisa can write a vision for us. Alicia thought the date of the accident seemed contrived. Jerry too thought the reader will want to know why the day of the accident is so important. What follows is a discussion of 9/11 and weather the day can be changed. Lisa tells us it cannot. Alicia, Amber, and Aaron (all the A’s) think she can keep 9/11 she just needs to not treat it so casually. Jerry wonders if someone with memory problems would be entrusted with a family recipe.
Alicia shares chapters five and six of Lincoln’s Other War. Pat likes her Lincoln parts a lot, but struggles with the other parts. She wonders if there are other ways to display those parts. Lisa agreed that it sounded disjointed to her also. Could those portions be made more conversational? Millie got the impression that the people out East didn’t know what was going on. Betsy easily picked out the other voice as well.
Pat reads her poem, 58! for the group. Half the group doesn’t get the very first joke of the poem. The title is a reference to her age, which the other half of the group didn’t believe. Millie liked it but she thought it should have been seventy-eight; Betsy, sixty-eight. Andy didn’t like the prose in the middle of it. Alicia didn’t agree with the first line. Bob wonders why we can’t just accept the paradox.
Amber shares Chapter Twelve of Noble. Lisa takes notes. Jerry corrected a part of the scene read aloud to the group. Pat liked that the main character had learned how to use her magic as well as the ending and the mention of fire. (Shout out to former TWS member Greg Spry). Lisa thought the main character learned magic too fast. Andy wanted to see a bigger reaction from the protagonist. Jerry thought her reaction fit with what we know of the character. Millie thought another character was jealous. Pat wanted to know who would play a certain character in the movie.
Jerry reads from the beginning of Chapter Ten of The Last Good Man. Alicia thinks Jerry should definitely do the audio book. Betsy liked the humor. Pat wondered if they got the dent out of the roof or not. Lisa asks if the main character leaves the truck with the others or what. She’ll have to read chapter eleven to find out. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 29, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 04-23-13

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as the wall.”–Mitch Hedberg

Last Tuesday at the B&N . . .

Last meeting before Fifth Tuesday! Write your challenge (translate a cliche and explain what happened) and bring a copy along to read to the group! Tuesday, April 30, Panera on University.

Tuesday night we had a big crowd – though a bigger crowd was using most of the chairs for a kids event… had some scrounging to do, but then we got to business.

Ray Woodruff presented his short story “Leave Them Be.” Terry summed up many of our thoughts when she said, “Creepy creepy creepy!” She did point out, though, that naming the main character 17-76 was a little distracting. Carol had some trouble picturing what the bunk room looked like. Bill was concerned about the use of UV lights – with the reveal at the end, UV might be harmful. Full spectrum, perhaps? Julie enjoyed the build-up and pay off, but wondered what They were doing with the blood. Do we need to know who They are? Katelin felt it worked well even without that information.

Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. A party scene. Discussion broke out about whether “joint” was the proper terminology, or if it was too dated. Other options were suggested (and with further research, I’ve discovered that “joint” is the correct terminology, but these days you’re more likely to use a water pipe anyway … rewrites now in progress). Andy liked the pacing. Holly wanted something earlier in the scene to hint at what would come later, like an appearance of the ghost. Jack pointed out continuity issues – large room, but crowded, and Bill liked the isolation of the small dorm on a bad weather weekend.

Bill Eisinger returned with a rewrite of “Jack ad Susan.” Holly loved the inner dialog. Andy noted that italics make it clear it is inner dialog, so quotations aren’t needed. Carol liked the way the characters are starting to emerge. Loves that Susan is a run-at-the-mouth chatterbox until she’s asked about herself. Could make her stop and stammer even more at that point. Julie wanted some clarification of Jack’s motivations. Why is the character here? What does he want? Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 19, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 04-16-13

“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.”– Mitch Hedberg

Last Tuesday at the B&N . . .

Two guests joined us – Julie and Mike.

Lisa started us off by sharing part of chapter twelve of Follow the Yellow; the last chapter of this work she plans to share with the group for a while. Andy likes it. He only found some small typos. Pat liked the whole thing except at the very beginning. She thinks there should be some blood stains on one character’s shirt instead of having the character still bleed several hours after an altercation took place. Andy lost track of who was who on the phone later in the chapter. Mike thought the part Lisa read flowed well.

Amber shared chapter eleven of her YA novel Noble. Andy liked it, but the looking for Zephyr went a little fast. The scene could be drawn out to create tension. Pat asked if the rules for magic in this work were following rules of any previous work. Amber admits she’s making it all up as she goes along.

Millie shared Chapter forty-three of Life on Hold. Lisa didn’t get the last line until Millie read it. Pat and Lisa think it would be a good time to kill off the mother, but Millie says she’s not going to do that. Lisa wonders if we will skip ahead in time soon. Andy thought the writing out of one character with a single line was a little abrupt and he thought she could expand that into a mini-scene instead of just a passing detail. Lisa didn’t enjoy the rehashing of a female relationship later in the chapter. Jen pointed out some problems with POV. Jerry wonders if the professor needs a name change.

Andy shared the first chapter from one of three different character’s point of view. Millie didn’t see what one character had done to set another off. Answer: nothing. Pat kind of liked her character, but there were a few too many adverbs. She hopes that Andy lets the character have a voice. Julie thinks the main character here would be more manipulative and cool given her background. Bob suggests a character inventory and knowing what’s going on in the character’s mind and heart. Julie suggests Andy also think about voice and making all three very different. Jerry mentions that if the character has killed someone they would not make it into the FBI. Pat suggests a shadow agency. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 7, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 04-02-13

Who said, “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative”?
Answer: Oscar Wilde , Author of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Tuesday at the B&N . . .
Fourteen of us gathered round three tables to share a number of critiques.

Amber started us off by reading from chapter ten of her YA novel, Noble. Jen had a question about POV. Pat questioned writing about a head being removed from its shoulders, as in where else would it be removed from? Rebecca was confused by how one character was on their hands and knees but also holding their head at the same time. Andy and Millie didn’t know where the sword came from and Andy didn’t think it unnerved the main character enough. Lisa questioned Zephyr’s vocabulary and whether he would know a lot of English. Alicia wondered if one character would actually have a heart attack and thinks the protagonist is too much of a girl scout; she wants more of a reaction. Clayton was okay with the protagonist’s reaction. (P.S. Lisa can take over this whole note taking business anytime.)

Pat shares the poem Just Words with the group. She starts off by telling us she knows it needs work. Lisa thinks she should add more sadness. Andy saw it as in-your-face. Lisa thought it was in-your-face depressing and she liked it that way. Alicia looks for some redemptive quality at the end. Clayton sees the name-calling as recognition; the author sees these things and wants to fix them. Michelle wonders if the author can open the front door and leave. Amber agrees with Clayton, maybe the recognition is the happy ending. Alicia thinks of the old movie Sybil and wonders if Pat could bring the poem full circle in a similar way. Lisa and Aaron like the title. Aaron suggests adding something about sticks and stones at the end.

Andy shares a couple of poems. Jen liked the first poem, Perfect, saying it had a nice rhythm in some parts but was lacking in others. To Amber it felt like a laundry list of items. Rebecca wondered what we learn from the poem. Lisa found an inappropriate line or two. Rhyming is hard, Pat tells us. Michelle had difficulty with the voice changing from the beginning to the end. Andy’s second poem, Forecast, is about the weather we had in Wisconsin last year. Some of us read it as a metaphor for a relationship thought the last two stanzas don’t fit with that idea; Andy was surprised by this and may consider revenging. Clayton expected the poem to take off but then it didn’t, leaving him disappointed. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 3, 2013 by poetiosity

Tuesdays With Story Newsletter
Fourth Week of March

Four of us gathered Tuesday night for a lively round of critiques.

We started with Rebecca Rettenmund’s The Cheese Logue, Chapter 22. Andy liked the piece but felt it ran a little long and could have been a little more playful, especially with the kid. He thought the interactions were a bit repetitive, but Jen thought they worked together well. Carol really liked the character development involving Isaiah and the Halloween party. There were also a few technical things, verb tenses that didn’t match, and some homonyms to be corrected. Rebecca asked if the idea of a one-year story structure worked, and we all said “yes.”

Andy Pfeiffer read a scene from People. The way he read the scene out loud was funny, but the wording of the scene itself didn’t come off as funny. Might need the main character to find the situation funny so the reader follows along. Jen was concerned about the character of Brenna. Hard to know what’s really going on with Liam, and the director needs some one-on-one time with her to develop the relationship. Watch out for the harassment, too – unless someone is particularly valuable a company won’t try to correct behavior, they’ll just cut him lose to protect themselves. Carol wanted to see Spaulding with some incredible talent that makes him valuable. Rebecca thought Brenna should be above all the foolishness.

Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. Andy suggested more physical descriptions of the characters. Rebecca really liked the idea that the ghost had some power over others – but don’t let Olivia slip back into bitchiness after the ghost influenced her behavior. Also, put the two comments of the different kinds of flooring together for contrast. Makes more sense. And the description of the name tags on the door read a bit awkward. Otherwise, the scene worked well.

Who’s Up Next:
April 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter, Noble), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter, The Cheese Logue), Michelle Nightoak (chapter, memoir), Andy Pfeiffer (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), and Alicia Connolly Lohr (chapters 3-4, Lincoln’s Other War). Continue Reading »

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