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Writer’s Mail

June 1, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for May 24, 2012
by Jen Wilcher

Five of us gathered at Barnes & Noble to discuss the three reading we had for the week. However, we forgot to take notes. Oops.

May 29: Fifth Tuesday!

June 5: Greg Spry (chapter 29-31, Beyond Cloud Nine 9). Judith McNeil (more of “The Waldorf Hysteria”), Amber Boudreau (chapter 6, Noble), Andy Brown (chapter 1, novel), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 4, Rage).

June 12: Holly Bonnicksen-Jones, (Coming Up For Air), Terry Hoffman, (The Great Tome), Jack Freiburger, (Jesus at the IHOP), Andrea Kirchman (???)

June 19: Greg Spry (chapter 32-45, Beyond Cloud Nine 9), Jaida Temperly (chapter 1, Final Portfolio), Millie Mader (chapter 36, Life on Hold), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 9, The Cheese Logue), Aaron Boehm (film script, part 2, “Stealing from Yourself”), Alicia Connolly-Lohr (chapter 2, Lincoln, Black Hawk and the Thirty-Eight Hanged), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 5-6, Rage).

Fifth Tuesday . . .
May 29, less than two weeks away. Will you be with us?

Second-and-fourth group are our hosts. We will be at Terry and Jan Hoffman’s home south of Madison that evening. Carol Hornung has asked that you make your reservations with her. Be sure to tell Carol what you are bringing for the feast table. Yes, this is a potluck dinner, so bring your lucky pot filled with good food to share.

The writing challenge, ahh yes. Write a 250-word story from an object’s point of view. Says Carol, “Have fun with it! Maybe you are an acorn about to fall into a stream. A golf ball about to be smacked across campus and through the Dean’s window. The last leaf falling from a tree in autumn.”

Not going to make it to Fifth Tuesday? Write for the writing challenge anyway. It’s a challenge, so do it.

When you have your piece done, email it to Carol.

2012 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Finalists
Meet the 2012 Finalists, read our experts’ reviews, and more.

Alan Averill, The Beautiful Land
• Alan Averill has been writing for as long as he can remember. In addition to numerous short stories and plays, he has helped localize and edit over 30 video games. He lives in the Pacific Northwest with his wife, his dog Miso, and a whole lot of rain.
• Read the experts’ reviews

Charles Kelly, Grace Humiston and the Vanishing
• Charles Kelly, formerly a reporter for The Arizona Republic, was co-winner of the Arizona Journalist of the Year Award in 1992. Kelly lives in Scottsdale, Arizona.
• Read the experts’ reviews

Brian Reeves, A Chant of Love and Lamentation
• Reeves is a creative writing teacher and a member of The Guttery, a professional writing group located in Portland. He lived in Hawaii for several years, where he developed a passion and respect for the culture and people of the islands.
• Read the experts’ reviews

Cassandra Griffin, Dreamcatchers
• This is Griffin’s second year entering the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. While she enjoys challenging herself by writing all kinds of genres, she loves to delve into new fantasy worlds, especially told through the eyes of young adults.
• Read the experts’ reviews

Rebecca Phillips, Out of Nowhere
• Rebecca Phillips lives in Nova Scotia, Canada with her husband, two children, and cat. She started writing young adult novels at the age of twelve and hasn’t stopped since.
• Read the experts’ reviews

Regina Sirois, On Little Wings
• Regina Sirois is 90% reader and 10% writer, and as such, her loyalty lies with readers. She graduated summa cum laude from Missouri State’s Department of History and English and settled in the golden wheat fields of Kansas with her high school love.
• Read the experts’ reviews

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Writer’s Mail

May 17, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for May 16, 2012
by Jen Wilcher

Notes 5-15-12
Greg shares Chapters twenty-six through twenty-eight of Beyond Cloud Nine. We start with the very beginning of chapter twenty-six. Spike wanted to know if the cab speeding away was necessary. Before that she slams the door – Jerry thought it indicated the character was angry when she just got done with a sweet ride. Pat and Jerry liked how the help-desk character saves the day. Pat wonders about the precedent for doing autopsies without cutting into the body. Jerry references CSI: New York. Millie and Pat thought the word posterior got a lot of use. Jerry had the same comment about the word fixated and the gesture of arm crossing.
Greg reads from toward the end of Chapter twenty-seven. There’s some discussion of the third dimension of the computer screen. Andy was bothered by one character’s acceptance of another’s presence on a restricted floor. Spike wondered if it should have been hard to get in? Greg explains that it was.
We finish up with the second scene of chapter twenty-eight. Rebecca pointed out that she thought Greg wrote sentences of all about the same length and it could have flowed better with a comma here or there. Pat has a question about a future chapter – the rest of us plug our ears and try not to listen. Spike, just listening, thought the verbs were too active.

Moving on…Millie shares Chapter thirty-five with the group, reading from near the end. Rebecca noted there was a lot more action in this chapter. She also didn’t think anyone would believe the driver who dumped the gravel. Greg wondered how the state trooper would get back in touch with them if he didn’t take any of her information. Jerry asks if there was nine-one-one at that time. Pat thought one character could slip and fall instead of having a load of gravel fall on him. Andy thought the main character could say things that show she’s excited versus talking about how excited about it. Pam really liked that Millie mentioned Glen Campbell.
Rebecca shares Chapter eight of the Cheese Logue. She admits to having issues with this chapter and plans to take it apart. She informs the group that she’s removing the last chapter and this chapter. Amber asks if this is really what happened. Greg thinks this book is not just about the cheese but about Rebecca’s life as well. Pam thought the raffle added tension because it kept Rebecca busy, but perhaps didn’t need to have so much focus put on it. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 17, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for May 14, 2012
by Jen Wilcher

Blending in with the students preparing for finals, five of us gathered at Barnes & Noble for critiquing and fun.

Up first, Terry Hoffman read from The Great Tome. Carol liked the improvements with the library scene, but would have liked some physical manifestations of the emotional pain Rachel surely must have suffered upon seeing the other children. Jen wanted to know why Rachel didn’t defend herself with the truth when Doug confronted her about not answering her phone – it was in the car. And Jack thought Doug made a bit of a leap in connecting Rachel’s disappearance to her messing with the book again. Andrea suggested letting the conversation move toward that – go from anger and worry about her being late to discovering she has the book again. Also felt that Rachel’s reactions were kind of child-like. These are both adults, here. Carol liked the hiding place for the book.

Jack Freiburger contemplated theology with Jesus and a cup of coffee in Jesus at the IHOP. There was some concern about being able to follow the time jumps which are both reflected by Johnny waking up. Terry said she had no trouble following it. Carol pointed out that the use of the month of “May” wouldn’t be likely, given the time period. Spring, perhaps. Terry and Andrea weren’t sure about the reasoning behind Jesus stealing Johnny’s coffee, but Carol liked the idea of him being a bit of a thief.

Carol Hornung read the next scene of Sapphire Lodge, which was a bit of an information dump. Jack said getting through the information would be more fun if it was funnier – give Finley a chance to play around with words and joke a bit. Terry felt that Finley is a little too eager to give up information. Make him a bit more coy, make Saffi work harder to get the information out of him. Andrea pointed out the too-frequent mentions of “sadness.” Need to cull that out a bit. Refocus on Finley – he’s lost part of his memory, and he has to be frustrated at that. That frustration would probably come through as snarkiness. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 8, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for May 7, 2012
by Jen Wilcher

Notes 05-01-12
Pam and Andy, friends of Aaron, joined us for the evening.
Alicia shares chapter one of her new Lincoln novel. Millie said it sounds like it’s going to be a good story. Pat thought the language, tone, and meter sound good. Alicia explains a bit more about the backstory. Pat was looking for a reason to turn the page at the end though. There’s some question of what the story is—this entry might turn into a flashback chapter. Jerry has a question about the tall grass and people losing sight of their leaders once they sit down. Pat wonders what happened to the food. Greg was a little disappointed there wasn’t an actual confrontation with Blackhawk—Alicia made it up. Millie thought some of the sentence got a little long, but that was how Lincoln talked.

Greg read from chapters twenty-three through twenty-five. Millie thought the main character would surely be dead after the last chapter. Rebecca wondered if all of the aliens have long faces or just the one the main character is talking to. Pat thought it read very fast again. She wondered if we could still be calling them aliens, but Greg answers that later in the Chapter. Pat will also be upset if there’s fluorescent lighting that far in the future. Rebecca thought the character would be more upset with the loss of life. Is there a way to remind the reader about the force field she’s under? Pat wonders what’s happened to her implants. Pat liked the scene with Kevin, but thought the romance could be played up a bit. Jerry didn’t think the second reference to their location was needed. Alicia had some suggestions when it came to the legal parts.

Amber shares chapter five and six from her YA novel. Can the wyvern look satisfied when he comes up with the right word. Pat likes the protagonist. Jerry thought it was nice to see they become friends. Jen thought there were some superficial details that could go. Pam suggests adding es’s to the Yes’s. Jerry wants there to be a reason to turn the page. Could we end with the request for more chips. How about the ‘Why me?’ question. Should Moira ask where his mother is? Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 3, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
April 19, 2012
By Pat Edwards

“If you write one story, it may be bad; if you write a hundred, you have the odds in your favor.” - Edgar Rice Burroughs

Notes from 4-17-12
Eight of us around the table tonight – 1 guest. Jaida, finishing her English degree, sits in with the group after having visited with 2nd and 4th.

Rebecca shares chapter 6 of The Cheese Logue. Lisa really enjoys the writing and admires her clarity. Pat wonders if there should be a break after a particular scene. Jen agrees it needs a better transition. Jerry didn’t follow the description of putting the money in the register. Greg thought this was the best integrated chapter so far. A couple of people were surprised at the age of one of the characters. Pat liked the juxtaposition of Rebecca not being afraid to wear a cheesehead in public, but terrified of reading in front of the group.

Lisa shares Chaper 2 of Follow the Yellow. Jerry had a question about the way something was written – it sounded as if one character placed a hat on her own head instead of another characters. Pat wondered why there was so much info about a new character. Rebecca thought it was strange someone bit their lip so hard it bled. Jen wonders how much ASL one character knows. Turns out, none, the character’s mother is translating. There’s some question and discussion about the level of mental ability of one character and all of the childlike characteristics she displays.

Pat shares her poem, Luna. First of all, I’m honored to have my name mentioned in a poem by Pat. Lisa admits the moon is her favorite heavenly body. Greg didn’t think it was Pat’s most poetic poem, but he likes the moon, too. There’s some question of measuring the moon with one’s thumb; Greg didn’t like it, Jaida liked the visual. Jen liked the last two lines, Lisa didn’t –that’s poetry folks. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 16, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
April 11, 2012
By Pat Edwards

“Write with the door closed, rewrite with the door open.” – Stephen King

2nd and 4th at the Barnes & Noble
Present: Jack, Terry, Jen, Holly, Katelin, Kat, Jaida (Jaida is new!)
Fifth Tuesday is coming up May 29! Terry will host. Please send ideas for a writing challenge to Katelin. More details to come!

Terry read pages 77-79 of chapter 6 from “The Great Tome.”
Holly thought that the earlier scene in the restaurant with the character Katie was good – lots of little details of action that made her feel like she was there. It didn’t make sense to toast to life though – what does that have to do with Katie meeting a guy? Kat also thought that the dialogue was good. She could tell that Katie was excited because of the self-interrupting. Jaida thought it feels choppy, though the short sentences do convey Katie’s excitement. Combine some sentences and it might flow better and still keep the drama.
On page 77, Jack thought that Rachel’s confrontation of Ace was not strong enough, and Ace’s sidestep not direct enough. Perhaps Rachel should repeat the question more. Rachel could use Ace looking for things to bring up the book again in different ways. Make the dialogue dance so that the characters and words flow in the same direction. Holly thought it might work better if Ace didn’t pick anything for the still life until Rachel starts asking about the book, and then suddenly Ace starts to pick and grab things in a hurry. Ace sets up the still life to dodge Rachel’s questions. Jen asked if Rachel is trying to validate herself or confront Grace? They are different things. Probably both. Jack suggested that Rachel could suggest a book to Ace for a still life subject to bring it up again. In the scene there are two people searching for different things. Weave those searches together. Holly thought Rachel seemed passive. She’s fragile, but has a strong personality – bring that out more. Kat suggested more frustration in the interior dialogue. Jack noticed a lot of observational strength from Rachel in the scene with Katie. Bring that to the scene with Ace. Kat suggested more observations of Ace’s gestures and facial clues to what she’s thinking or feeling. With Rachel observing Ace more, it can become more of a game to Rachel, which is when she can really use more of the hypothetical questions. Holly thought Ace could have more hippie language in her voice to make her character livelier. Jaida noticed that Terry uses a lot of hands in descriptions of actions. Mix it up some.

Jack read part III of “Jesus Walked into the IHOP.”
Terry liked the phrase “following like a long shadow.” Holly generally liked the section. She didn’t like the voice because it seemed to slip in and out of being Jesus’s voice. Since it’s an omniscient narrator through Jesus’ eyes, Jaida suggested more insight from the narrator. Jen was confused about who “he” was in the 2nd sentence of the 2nd paragraph. Kat was unsure what “HE WAS THE ONE” was supposed to mean without seeing the earlier mention of this. Kat pointed out a lack of consistency in capitalization of “God” in “God-fearers.” Jaida wondered if the second to last paragraph was meant to be funny. It could be very funny if cleaned up more. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 9, 2012 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail
April 4, 2012
By Pat Edwards

“I just write what I wanted to write. I write what amuses me. It’s totally for myself. I never in my wildest dreams expected this popularity.” – J. K. Rowling

At the B&N Tuesday Night
Greg shares Chapter 20 of Beyond Cloud Nine. Jerry wants to know why one character is checking for her pulse. Pat was wondering why she couldn’t find it. She also had to slow herself down so she could critique the chapter because it read very fast. Pat wants to know how one character is getting his input from the bugs planted on another character. Greg tells us he would not get the info in real time. How do we see something that’s colorless? Very tight writing.

Amber shares Chapter 4 of her Noble rewrite. Pat is disappointed the books don’t whisper to each other and wonders where Ivan is. Greg liked the descriptive chapter on a new character. John wanted more mystery associated with the young man in the library.

Lisa reads from the first chapter of her new story Follow the Yellow. Everyone liked the opening line, but there seems to some question of how mute one character seems to be. Is there actual voice box damage to cause the character to be mute or does she just choose not to speak? John wants to know why they explain this all to an almost stranger. Greg reminds us all not to get too attached to certain plot points. Pat thought the dialogue moved, but got lost in some of the exposition. Jen questions the grand mal seizure scenario also. John wanted to know who Javier was—he sort of pops up out of nowhere. A few of us weren’t sure about who the main male character was.

Jerry reads from Book 2—Rage of Thou Shalt not Murder. Pat did not like reading this because it made her that uncomfortable. Greg found the gun a little hard to follow—literally. John wonders why the character even needed the book for the gun, if he didn’t do anything with the book. Lisa didn’t think the character was a high school student. Rebecca liked the use of the term ‘art knife.’ John found the character a little nebulous and had a question about the evacuation that follows the gunshots. Continue Reading »

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