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June 17, 2013 by poetiosity

Tuesdays with Story
Newsletter 6/11/13

Creepy, mystery, and action defined the night at the bookstore on Tuesday. We were joined by newcomer Erin Syth.

Unfortunately, Jen and Rebecca were unable to present their notes from the workshop they attended, as Rebecca had a work commitment. Oh well, there’s always next time!

Ray Woodruff brought in the short story “Locked Inside.” Andy thought it was a little difficult to get into at first, but he liked it. Jen had some trouble with the point of view changing – Dustin seemed to be the main character, but not always. Holly noted an abuse of the word “just,” being used just 27 times over six pages. Katelin liked the age-specific details. We all thought it was delightfully creepy and Carol found the ending to work well. She was a little confused about the time period, feeling as though she’d fallen into a Stephen King story with his kids in the 1950s, but other details suggested a more modern time.

Ruth Imhoff read Chapter 2 of Motto of the Hound. Andy wondered why the morgue was in the police station, and Carol agreed that it was unusual, but that Ruth needed to create a reason WHY the morgue is in the police station. Holly pointed out the danger of cliche involving cops and donuts. Ray liked the line about looking “at him as if he’d grown two heads.” He also sensed we had been close to an important reveal, but dodged it, and thought the autopsy should be longer and more detailed. Jen suggested showing more body language and Carol wanted more character specific details – what did their desks look like? Who drank what kind of coffee? Erin said that the names in the dialog tags appeared an awful lot. Giving them details/things to do would lessen that a bit. Holly wanted more interrupting and realism in the conversations, because she felt it was too polite. Jen reminded Ruth that the road to Hell is paved with adverbs. Carol said Ruth overused the word “well.” Overall, people liked this more than Ruth’s Chapter 1. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

June 17, 2013 by poetiosity

Tuesdays with Story

Newsletter for 6/4/2013

Firstly, Millie read her poem, “Apocalypse to Armageddon” to the group. Lisa noted that four, not six, people died in the Benghazi attack. Alicia said that “apocalypse” and “Armageddon” were very similar words. Pat asked Millie if she really believed her stance – Millie said she did, and Andy agreed. Alicia mentioned the Biblical undertones. Betsy mentioned the ending mentions that people should work on this problem, which was meaningful. Pat praised Millie’s imagery. Ruth said the line “Masses are maimed…” was clunky comparatively to the others; Andy questioned the rhythm of “Voices plead for…” as well. The rhyme of the poem was discussed, and it was agreed that the split rhyme was a good idea, and that rhyme is not passé.

Lisa presented Chapter 2 from The Tebow Family Secret. Betsy felt the story was compelling. Lisa thanked Alicia for mentioning that it felt like Adam was inside the building, and how London versus New York was confusing. Betsy mentioned a few rhythmic issues. Pat enjoyed Lisa’s dialogue and characters, but criticized the use of “concrete jungle” in a dream state. The obviousness of Izzy and Ana being the same person was discussed, and Alicia pointed out that the only reason why another story about 9/11 would come up was because they were related. Jerry mentioned that ten years was a long time for someone to still worry about their missing loved one; Andy mentioned the missing girls found in Ohio was a similar case. Everyone echoed that it was a strong piece, and a question arose: Who was first, Ana or Izzy?

Next was Betsy‘s conceptualization of “Alice’s Book,” which she said was a fictionalization of her mother’s life. She mentioned that she is using her mother’s diary as notes. She asked about the title; “The Locust’s Song” and “Cicada’s Song” were liked, and Andy suggested “The Autobiography of Alice Burke.” The preface was considered strong. The discussion shifted to fact versus fiction – what in this book will be based upon Betsy’s mother, and what will she make up? Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 30, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 05/29/13

“The Muse visits during the act of creation, not before. Don’t wait for her. Start alone.” ― Roger Ebert

Tuesday at B&N . . .

Ruth Imhoff started the night with Chapter 1, The Motto of the Hound. Ray suggested using the coroner’s name once we learn it. Nice set-up, good intrigue. Daniel as a detective, though, should be cataloging the crime scene. Throw in some clues, more details. Jen thought the voice was a little passive. Need more action, too much being told what’s going on. Rebecca lost track of the relationship of the characters at points. Wasn’t sure who the nemesis was… could be point of view issues. Carol thought it was a good set-up, especially the line about Daniel being back from personal leave – what happened?

Mike R. shared a couple of poems with us. Holly thought the line about “love for all” could be clarified a bit, and Carol spotted the use of the word “lost” in quick succession. Rebecca thought the line about spontaneity was a bit convoluted, but enjoyed the details in the resot of the poem. Katelin liked the first poem better, as the imagery stood out for her more. Ray liked the line about ambivalence relating to the strength to do right.

Ray Woodruff read Chapter 1 from his novel. Carol found it very creepy, felt the kid was behaving so well because he was absolutely terrified. Andy thought the narrative put downs of the kid were excessive. Holly said the kid didn’t really relate to the mom as a mom, and appears more scared than trusting. Katelin followed up on that, saying the narrator’s perspective is overriding that of the child and is creating the difference between scared and trusting. Andy thought it was well written, but perhaps a little too dark, which distracted from what was going on in the scene. Carol liked the line “He’s pretty sure bad things happen in the dark.”

Katelin Cummins offered scenes from her new idea, Viera. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 23, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 05/14/13

“A character is never the author who created him. It is quite likely, however, that an author may be all his characters simultaneously. “– Albert Camus

Tuesday at B&N . . .

Amber shared chapter thirteen of Noble with the group. Lisa took notes. Judith liked the chapter and was interested to see where it would lead concerning the main character’s training. Lisa thought the chapter ended on a good note. Pat had a couple of questions about entering the woods and things going quiet. She also has a question about bow anatomy. Andy didn’t think the chapter had a enough zing and suggested putting it on a shelf and coming back to it later.

Mike shared a poem with the group. He doesn’t have copies so we all listened. Betsy and Andy liked the last line. Pat liked the rhythm but one of the lines didn’t resonate with her. She says she needs to read a poem a couple of times before she gets it. Pat and Lisa found a lot of power in the words and expect that Mike would channel a Maori warrior when he reads it. Mike says he felt that way when he read it. The second poem Mike shares with the group is a letter to a person who had a lot of influence on him as he was growing up. Betsy and Pat think it could be turned into a prose poem format and suggest editing it down. Lisa knows the music Mike is referring to and is in favor of polishing it up and sending it to them.

Lisa shared part of chapter one of Tebow Family Secret. Andy thought it was an effective opening but that there was a lot of info dropped on the reader. Pat thought a lot of what she read could be cut and instead sprinkled in with her visit to the therapist. Pat thinks a therapist wouldn’t ask a lot of yes or no questions, but more leading, open-ended questions. Andy liked the ending but Pat thought she could have left it in a cliffhanger. The group looks up and briefly discusses what a chiasma is in literature.

Judith shared part of chapter one of My Mother, Savior of Men. Lisa says she knows she knows mothers like the one in the story. Pat liked the word choice. Andy didn’t believe a woman of ninety-five wouldn’t sleep that much. Also he thought there was an info dump at the end though Pat liked the narrative at the end because it made a good story. Lisa wanted more of one character and agreed with Andy about the end. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 16, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 05/14/13

“The Florida in my novels is not as seedy as the real Florida. It’s hard to stay ahead of the curve. Every time I write a scene that I think is the sickest thing I have ever dreamed up, it is surpassed by something that happens in real life.”   — Carl Hiaasen

 

Tuesday at B&N . . .

Ruth, who had popped in at First and Third meetings, visited today. The first 20 minutes were spent introducing her to particulars of the group.

After orientation was over, Bill presented his short story “Conflict.” During the feedback session, Bill stated that Mike was supposed to be a violent jerk, and everyone disagreed, and saw Maria as the villain. In addition to calling Maria a criminal and saying that Mike was always doing the right thing, Andy also stated that the story was too short for everything that happened in it; Jen echoed this, criticizing the overuse of passive telling as opposed to active showing. Terry and Holly offered similar criticisms. Holly said that although he needs to be painted as a jerk with severe anger management issues, he still needs to be likable. Everyone wanted to see more verbal threats and angry actions, like pounding on tables, accidentally knocking his coffee over his newspaper, and arguing with the mechanic and insurance agent about repainting his car. The group talked about various incidents of car damage. Before moving on, Terry mentioned the overuse of “was” and wanted to increase the strength of verbs, and Andy offered one last piece of feedback: That if Maria was taking care of her sick mother, she would not be so reckless and insensitive to someone else’s car. Bill disclosed that she’s from a rough neighborhood and had many things she was stressed out about, and it was suggested that Bill show that through actions.

Andy presented an outline and character notes for his novel People. He read from Brenna’s biography, and everyone did not think the brothel fit with her story and was too over-the-top. The thought process of the group was that she was abused by her uncle and she became a vigilante, killing him and destroying the house in the process. The consensus was to take the brothel out and replace it with her abusive uncle (Ruth said to keep the fire as an accident), then proceed with the story as planned. Jen said to get the bare bones down first, then flesh it out from then. Holly said that if she did it as a minor, she could get psychiatric evaluations and become stable by the time she was offered the SPIES job. The suggestion of her aversion to men was already in her story; it was suggested that she just punch Spalding when he molests her shoulder. Andy became really overwhelmed and shut up… but things are getting interesting.

Rebecca presented the final chapter of The Cheese Logue. Although everyone once again found it boring – except for comparing a cow to a roasted marshmallow – we enjoyed the way it ended. Terry suggested using Post-Its or spreadsheets to show character progression throughout the story, and building things up for the ending to be more complete. Andy once again suggested that there be more instances of personality. Holly wanted Rebecca to show more relationships building, and being friends with all the people around her. Andy said “You have to get other people to treasure what you treasure” – about working at the Cheese Shop, and again mentioned the comparison against Big Box Mart. This led into a discussion about the lighting of Big Box Mart vs the Cheese Shop. When Rebecca mentioned that it was a “home away from home,” everyone wanted her to paint that picture as strong as possible. Rebecca agreed. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

May 10, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 05/09/13

You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we’re doing it. –Neil Gaiman

Last Tuesday at B&N . . .

We have a couple visitors. Ruth and Betsy join us for the evening.
Lisa reads from the beginning of her novel (tentatively titled) Tebow’s Family Secret. Andy has a question about the date of the main character’s accident and whether it is significant to September 11, 2001. Pat remembers Lisa’s first version and thinks this is tighter but there’s still some editing that needs to be done. Andy wonders if Lisa can write a vision for us. Alicia thought the date of the accident seemed contrived. Jerry too thought the reader will want to know why the day of the accident is so important. What follows is a discussion of 9/11 and weather the day can be changed. Lisa tells us it cannot. Alicia, Amber, and Aaron (all the A’s) think she can keep 9/11 she just needs to not treat it so casually. Jerry wonders if someone with memory problems would be entrusted with a family recipe.
Alicia shares chapters five and six of Lincoln’s Other War. Pat likes her Lincoln parts a lot, but struggles with the other parts. She wonders if there are other ways to display those parts. Lisa agreed that it sounded disjointed to her also. Could those portions be made more conversational? Millie got the impression that the people out East didn’t know what was going on. Betsy easily picked out the other voice as well.
Pat reads her poem, 58! for the group. Half the group doesn’t get the very first joke of the poem. The title is a reference to her age, which the other half of the group didn’t believe. Millie liked it but she thought it should have been seventy-eight; Betsy, sixty-eight. Andy didn’t like the prose in the middle of it. Alicia didn’t agree with the first line. Bob wonders why we can’t just accept the paradox.
Amber shares Chapter Twelve of Noble. Lisa takes notes. Jerry corrected a part of the scene read aloud to the group. Pat liked that the main character had learned how to use her magic as well as the ending and the mention of fire. (Shout out to former TWS member Greg Spry). Lisa thought the main character learned magic too fast. Andy wanted to see a bigger reaction from the protagonist. Jerry thought her reaction fit with what we know of the character. Millie thought another character was jealous. Pat wanted to know who would play a certain character in the movie.
Jerry reads from the beginning of Chapter Ten of The Last Good Man. Alicia thinks Jerry should definitely do the audio book. Betsy liked the humor. Pat wondered if they got the dent out of the roof or not. Lisa asks if the main character leaves the truck with the others or what. She’ll have to read chapter eleven to find out. Continue Reading »

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Writer’s Mail

April 29, 2013 by poetiosity

Writer’s Mail for 04-23-13

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as the wall.”–Mitch Hedberg

Last Tuesday at the B&N . . .

Last meeting before Fifth Tuesday! Write your challenge (translate a cliche and explain what happened) and bring a copy along to read to the group! Tuesday, April 30, Panera on University.

Tuesday night we had a big crowd – though a bigger crowd was using most of the chairs for a kids event… had some scrounging to do, but then we got to business.

Ray Woodruff presented his short story “Leave Them Be.” Terry summed up many of our thoughts when she said, “Creepy creepy creepy!” She did point out, though, that naming the main character 17-76 was a little distracting. Carol had some trouble picturing what the bunk room looked like. Bill was concerned about the use of UV lights – with the reveal at the end, UV might be harmful. Full spectrum, perhaps? Julie enjoyed the build-up and pay off, but wondered what They were doing with the blood. Do we need to know who They are? Katelin felt it worked well even without that information.

Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. A party scene. Discussion broke out about whether “joint” was the proper terminology, or if it was too dated. Other options were suggested (and with further research, I’ve discovered that “joint” is the correct terminology, but these days you’re more likely to use a water pipe anyway … rewrites now in progress). Andy liked the pacing. Holly wanted something earlier in the scene to hint at what would come later, like an appearance of the ghost. Jack pointed out continuity issues – large room, but crowded, and Bill liked the isolation of the small dorm on a bad weather weekend.

Bill Eisinger returned with a rewrite of “Jack ad Susan.” Holly loved the inner dialog. Andy noted that italics make it clear it is inner dialog, so quotations aren’t needed. Carol liked the way the characters are starting to emerge. Loves that Susan is a run-at-the-mouth chatterbox until she’s asked about herself. Could make her stop and stammer even more at that point. Julie wanted some clarification of Jack’s motivations. Why is the character here? What does he want? Continue Reading »

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