Tuesdays with Story
December 19, 2016
It happened Tuesday evening . . .
A dozen TWS writers gathered at the Alicia Ashman Branch Library two weeks ago for cookies and critiques. Here’s who was up:
Pat Edwards (rough draft, chapter, What to Pack for a Hero’s Journey) – Pat submitted a very rough, transcription based chapter for her non-fiction book. Most of the feedback was that it was too hard to read in the transcription format. Once the purpose was explained, though, many people had good ideas for the book, including using more “real people” stories, references to myths, and deeper explanation of the monomyth (The Hero’s Journey).
Amber Boudreau (chapter 11, The Dragoneer) – John thought the beginning of the chapter (Chapter 11) needed a better hook. Kashmira thought the start of the second paragraph was a better hook. Cindy too felt the beginning was a bit out of order. John thought some stronger word choices would help one character’s dialogue and would like to see Moira pick up a bit more of her training instead of just be told about it. Tracey liked the humanizing elements used to describe the dragon.
John Schneller (chapter 7, Final Stronghold) – The increased action as compared to previous chapters was appreciated. A request for better descriptions of the dragon, especially the unique characteristics, was requested. Using chapters to separate scene changes instead of asterick denoted scene changes was discussed. My desire was to infer concurrent timelines, but I will consider this. A couple snaffoos were noted. A bear should never roar like a lion, and the colloquialism ‘pan out’ was identified. (more…)