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Posts Tagged ‘Jerry Peterson’

Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays with Story
October 21, 2016

Who’s up next . . .

November 1: Pat Edwards (???), Hannah Marshall (poems, Earthy Things” and “Foster Child”), Kashmira Sheth (???), John Schneller (chapter 6, Final Stronghold), Eva Mays (chapter 6, Dhuoda), Bob Kralapp (???), and Amber Boudreau (chapter 9, The Dragoneer).

November 15:   Millie Mader (poem), Jen Wilcher (chapter, fictional autobiography), Nora O’Reilly (chapter, Bill McCormick’s Bliss), Judith McNeil (???), Cindi Dyke (chapter, North Road), and Meg Goss (chapter, novel).

Tuesday eve at the B&N . . .

New member Meg Goss joined the circle of first-and-thirders as did Jen Wilcher, formerly of our sister group. Here’s some of what was shared during the critique session:

Millie Mader (poem, “Loss of Innocense”) . . . Generally, I think my poem was pretty well received. A few word changes were suggested.

Nora O’Reilly (chapter 5, Bill McCormick’s Bliss) . . . Jerry corrected me: the commander in chief  is the abbot, where his prior would be chief of staff. I can easily cut down on my use of ‘really’ or ‘very.’ Most importantly I need to find a more compelling reason as to why Joel is returning to Madison. Perhaps trying to let Bill and Evelyn reunite so she can tell him about their son is enough. I do need to consider Bill’s reaction to the impending danger of Joel returning to the city of his crime. I have to investigate the statute of limitations on murder and what consequences Joel would face if he were caught in the present times. A few wording changes were also suggested.

Tracey Gemmell (chapter 1-2, novel) . . . Group felt it was generally well written and humorous. Jerry noted some hyphenation issues and suggested some segmentation of longer paragraphs into short, punchy ones to add emphasis.Group pointed out that some British terms may require further explanation for an American audience, and that Taylor’s age required clarification, as they initially thought she was younger than she was. Pat noted she didn’t feel chapter two was as believable as chapter one, and she requested more explanation as to whether Taylor had quit her job or was fired. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail
February 6, 2013

Notes from 2/5/2013
A new person, Andy, joined us for the evening!

Lisa starts us off with a rewrite of a chapter nine from Follow the Yellow. Pat thought the dialogue was more realistic and the blocking better during the fight that takes place. Pat wonders if another character would be as flirtatious if she had been raped. Jen thinks Lisa is adding the rape to help explain another characters’ over protectiveness. Around the table, we decide the rape doesn’t really add anything to the character. Jerry has a question about a couple of terms the cop and the construction worker use with one another. Jen had some issues with page three and four and POV.

Clayton shares Chapter eighteen of Fishing Derby. Clayton wonders if Miker does a little too much star-gazing—the group thinks so. Pat suggests putting a lot of the exposition into dialogue amongst the group at the table; if they’re kids then there should be more monkeyshines going on. We discuss the age of the kids and what kind of things might be happening around those times in school. Pat wonders if Clayton should establish a little more backstory on how his main character knows what he does. Jerry wants to see an aloof clocktower.

Amber shares Chapter seven of Noble. Pat likes the eating of the rocks. Lisa wondered how big a one-ton dragon would be. And other great comments I’m not fast enough to type. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail
February 16, 2010 by Pat E.

“First, try to be something, anything, else. A movie star/astronaut. A movie star/ missionary. A movie star/kindergarten teacher. President of the World. Fail miserably. It is best if you fail at an early age – say, 14. Early, critical disillusionment is necessary so that at 15 you can write long haiku sequences about thwarted desire.” – Lorrie Moore

Writing Friends…

Contests!
The Grandmaster Challenge
You could win a COOL-ER™ ereader!
Do you have what it takes to write your own Five Ancestors adventure? Jeff Stone has started a brand new story from Grandmaster’s point of view but he wants you to finish it! http://www.randomhouse.com/kids/fiveancestors/

Scholarship to Writers Conference

The Swivet is maintained by Colleen Lindsay, publishing consultant, professional nerd and a literary agent at FinePrint Literary Management. Win a scholarship to the Backspace Writers Conference & Agent-Author Seminar in NYC! http://theswivet.blogspot.com/

This same blogs yields a very funny YouTube video Cathy found for us.  It takes the point-of-view of the agent, but I feel like this often during critiques…. http://theswivet.blogspot.com/search/label/hilarity%20ensues

Tuesday at the Barnes & Noble

Clayton – Chapter 10 – Challenges for this chapter included introducing more details about Miker’s Grandmother and the Hotel. Jerry thinks Grandma should run the car off the road. Pat wonders, ‘Where’s the fish?’ Jerry wonders where the challenge is for Miker – he’s the lead. Alicia didn’t buy the scene with the cop. Give the cop something to react too. Why didn’t he use the taser first? That wasn’t clear to Kane. Pat wanted to know why the cop was there in the first place. Amber didn’t think Miker would be singing a nursery rhyme in the shower. Jerry thinks Miker would be in and out of the shower in a hurry, and maybe go exploring after. Are the parents out there somewhere? Millie took it that they were deceased. Jerry suggested the seed of the parents be planted early. Judith thought the cop could have some kind of a flashback. Kane wants to know what could happen if Rick gets tasered? (more…)

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