Posts Tagged ‘BookBaby’

Tuesdays with Story
September 20, 2015


“Half my life is an act of revision.”– John Irving


Notes from September 2015, Week 3

Lisa MP, Tebow Family Secret, chapter 38-39: Mo thought chapter 38 should stay. POV of Geoff confusing. More discussion about what Tebows are doing while Ahna is missing. Judith says condense chp 38. Liked 39, Good sense of Izzy’s family. Pat agrees 38 should stay, but thinks Geoff comes off as a prick. Assistant should whisper information about Ahna. Thought chapter moved along well. Kashmira believes chapter 38 reinforces the Tebows motive and is intriguing. Thinks chapter 39 needs to have Izzy interact with kids more. Jerry can tell a clear distinction between Ahna and Izzy.

Millie, Epilogue for Life On Hold:  Lisa corrected CNN info because that network was not in existence during the time of the epilogue. She also believes this should be further along in their lives. Pat think maybe have others describe what’s happening. Comes across as a list of things instead of a story. Pat and Jerry don’t believe an epilogue is needed. Group agrees this doesn’t add much to her story and that her last chapter was a better ending. (more…)


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Tuesdays with Story
October 10, 2013

“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.” – Richard Bach

Notes from 10/8/2013
We welcomed back a few members who had been absent for several meetings – Rebecca, Karen and Jack, welcome back!

Deb Kellerman’s “The Crossing Guard.” Carol liked the interaction between the girls, and Holly pointed out that the dialog was good, and they still sounded like kids. She loved the line about the “how could you possibly be so stupid stare.” We wondered, though, shouldn’t the reader get some more details on why, exactly, the girls are all worked up about this new crossing guard? We knew, because we had the explanation from the author before starting the story, but Krisitn said it’s best to firmly establish the conflict before the end of the first chapter.

Holly Bonnicksen-Jones read Chapter 2 of Coming Up for Air. Rebecca found the story exciting. Jack was concerned that Liza was being both angry and logical. At this point logic should probably wait. Deb thought the husband came off as a bit wishy-washy, and Carol agreed, thinking he needs a specific reason to tell Liza about the affair – and that reason isn’t to get her approval, it’s to tell her that he’s moving out. Jen felt that in the passages describing Liza’s emotions there was a bit too much telling and not enough showing of a physical response. We debated the use of the term “Honda Girl” as a derogatory label for the mistress, and felt there should be major heartstring pulls when the guy takes the dog with him. Ouch!

Kristin Oakley brought in Chapter 1 of God on Mayhem Street. Holly really liked the last paragraph, where Leo makes his decision what to do. She did have trouble with the flowers being tucked in the pocket, though – they’d get crushed. Deb liked the setting, really felt a part of it, and Rebecca wondered if Leo had ever actually considered what he would have to do in order to forgive his father. Jack struck down a few cliches in the cemetery and urged Kristin to use more cinemagraphic descriptions. Carol wanted the father’s anger ramped up a bit, too. Don’t let him ask questions (even angry ones). Turn those questions into cruel accusations instead. Ruth was concerned that Leo was dreading talking to his father, but then he simply shut down. He became passive, and we weren’t entirely sure why – if it was how he handled his father, maybe there’d be more tension regarding his lack of reaction? (more…)

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Writer’s Mail for 05/29/13

“The Muse visits during the act of creation, not before. Don’t wait for her. Start alone.” ― Roger Ebert

Tuesday at B&N . . .

Ruth Imhoff started the night with Chapter 1, The Motto of the Hound. Ray suggested using the coroner’s name once we learn it. Nice set-up, good intrigue. Daniel as a detective, though, should be cataloging the crime scene. Throw in some clues, more details. Jen thought the voice was a little passive. Need more action, too much being told what’s going on. Rebecca lost track of the relationship of the characters at points. Wasn’t sure who the nemesis was… could be point of view issues. Carol thought it was a good set-up, especially the line about Daniel being back from personal leave – what happened?

Mike R. shared a couple of poems with us. Holly thought the line about “love for all” could be clarified a bit, and Carol spotted the use of the word “lost” in quick succession. Rebecca thought the line about spontaneity was a bit convoluted, but enjoyed the details in the resot of the poem. Katelin liked the first poem better, as the imagery stood out for her more. Ray liked the line about ambivalence relating to the strength to do right.

Ray Woodruff read Chapter 1 from his novel. Carol found it very creepy, felt the kid was behaving so well because he was absolutely terrified. Andy thought the narrative put downs of the kid were excessive. Holly said the kid didn’t really relate to the mom as a mom, and appears more scared than trusting. Katelin followed up on that, saying the narrator’s perspective is overriding that of the child and is creating the difference between scared and trusting. Andy thought it was well written, but perhaps a little too dark, which distracted from what was going on in the scene. Carol liked the line “He’s pretty sure bad things happen in the dark.”

Katelin Cummins offered scenes from her new idea, Viera. (more…)

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Tuesdays With Story
WRITER’S MAIL for September 7, 2012

Good Words from Way Back
“Hance found the trail easily, but the Indians had been gone a long time, and it was filled with leaves, dim, and not easy to follow. It ended as nearly all trails do; it branched off to right and left, grew dimmer and slimmer, degenerated to a deer path, petered out to a squirrel track, ran up a tree, and ended in a knot hole.” –from Woodcraft by Nessmuk, Forest and Stream Publishing Co., 1920.

September 4 Meeting: Labor Daze Notwithstanding
The First-and-Third writers met at Barnes & Noble West after the long Labor Day weekend to hear selections from the work of four members.

Rebecca Rettenmund shared Chapter 11 of The Cheese Logue. Millie said this chapter made her hungry for a cheese sandwich. Pat gave Rebecca kudos for trying Limburger and suggested she turn the smell into dialogue at the end of the chapter. Where does the story go from this point? Rebecca told the group one of the upcoming chapters is about animals that eat cheese. John thought it read well, but a few small words could be cut here and there. Bob thought it was very succinct, but noted that the thoughts in italics took him out of the story a bit.

Millie Mader offered a rewrite of Chapter 37 of Life on Hold. Millie told the group she hopes she got the legalities “somewhat correct” in this version. Jerry suggested that Millie’s character wouldn’t have to post bail if there had been a plea bargain. Jerry also noticed that everyone in this chapter is so nice around the table. He wanted to see the main character’s mother fly into a rage. Jen suggested changing the dialogue a bit to reflect the age of one character. Marge, via Jerry, suggested the main character’s injuries wouldn’t be getting that much better in only four days’ time.

Judith McNeil presented the short story “The Man With the Broken Heart.” Rebecca had a problem with the point of view — it confused her. However, Pat found it engaging. Rebecca noted she also became confused when the character, Curly, was introduced. She suggested that Speedy should be referred to by that name instead of another and brought attention to a few missing speech tags.

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