January 11, 2013
By Pat Edwards
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.” ― Robert Byrne
2nd and 4th Update
Fresh off the holidays, we were ready to get back to work, with one rewrite, an ending, a middle-still-going-strong, a beginning, and a new short story.
We welcomed one guest, Bill Eisinger, who is looking for a critique group for his fiction.
Jen Wilcher started the evening off with a rewrite of Chapter 1 of The Hogoshiro Chronicles. Carol liked the rewrite, especially the internal dialog between Hibiki and the little bug-thingies inside her. Holly questioned the use of the word “deceptively” in describing one character’s appearance. Let the reader find out how deceptive it is. Jack wants more description of the village and house. What kind of defenses will it have? Rebecca questioned the idea that the characters were nervous – they are warriors, after all. Bill would like some more sensory descriptions of the marketplace – smells and colors.
Terry Hoffman presented the last chapter of The Great Tome (there is an epilog yet to follow). Holly simply said, “That is one scary book!” Lots of discussion on the size of Lake Michigan and the smallness of the piers and boats in question. Katelin said the fate of the Tome isn’t entirely clear. Rebecca thought the ghost of Mitchell might have taken the book. Overall it was described as emotionally intense, a good ending. Some discussion followed on whether or not to use the Pillar of Salt reference – it does fit because the character is always looking back and that’s what gets her in trouble, but to just drop it in there doesn’t serve the story well.
Rebecca Rettenmund read Chapter 18 of the Cheese Logue. Carol was concerned that the discussion of Sept 11th news coverage wasn’t completely explained – everyone took off work and went to the boss’s house to watch it. Also watch the timing – the breakup with the boyfriend appears to have happened on the same day! Holly wanted some juicy revenge on the heartless boyfriend. Jen wanted the award name STEMS to be explained. When asked if there was too much telling, Jack said the story paces well enough that it moves forward all on its own and telling doesn’t slow it down. (more…)