Tuesdays with Story
July 22, 2016
— Tom Gauld
Sizzlin’ Summer Round-up from 1st/3rd
Kashmira Seth submitted the first three chapters of Journey to Swaraj, HF set in 1930, India. These were revised chapters and most people found them moving along well. There was some discussion about a few cultural things and about buffalos! Since Kashmira grew up next to people who kept buffaloes she hopes she was able to answer the questions correctly.
The group generally liked Judith McNeils’s “The Lettuce Bug and Me”, a short children’s book. Suggestions to change the title and to work out a better rhyme on page 3 where it got “bumpy” and out of sync. Kashmira offered to give Judith a couple of references to publishers who specialize in children’s books, when she’s ready.
Nora O’Reilly – The group reviewed the second chapter of Bill McCormick’s Bliss. They suggested that in the scene when Bill flashes back to biking down Charter Street and viewing the destruction following the Sterling Hall bombing that I make several changes. The use of the word ‘rubble’ might be inappropriate. Also honing in on a specific personal item that charred but intact may focus the reader’s lens on the sadness of the event. I also need to be careful with flashbacks, making sure there is a logical, if small, cue to trigger the character’s memory. Also the knees, not thighs, of the sixty-year old monk would ‘beg for reprieve.’ And lastly, I must be parsimonious with my use of both adjectives and adverbs except in dialogue.
I love all the honest feedback, I have a long way to go, but I’m enjoying the ride!
Hannah Marshall’s poems “Boys” and “Unexpected” were both well received by the group. The majority of the discussion revolved around the last couple of stanzas in “Boys.” Nora questioned if “the knight” might be better as “a knight,” Pat asked for more concrete examples, and the word choice “persistent” was questioned. (more…)