Tuesdays With Story Writers Mail, June 28, 2010
by Jen Wilcher
Tuesday Night at the Bookstore
Kim: City of Winter: Hero’s age is unclear. Snotty nose kids are usually younger than thirteen, need to clarify age, scene a bit thin, discussion on how to develop his anger at the ocean, Jack carried on as usual about cinemagraphic writing, landscape levels and referent development, etc. Group moved on to …
Dan: Idolatry: Most liked the dialogue, but some suggest the story could use some compression, street light in a blackout? Patrick suggested “a miracle”, Jack a burning dumpster as the Christmas Star, second wave objections to Mary Magdalene as a stripper, Patrick lead group prayer for divine guidance. As no guidance came we turned to….
Jen: Group applauded big improvement in the rewrite of her chapter, most corrections were grammatical, migraines discussed, some objections to type of headache
Randy: Hona and the Dragon: Does a child know what an Equinox is? Is a dragon feline or leonine? Extensive discussion on lengths of sword and daggers, simile for claws, Hona at eleven must not baby talk, possibly change her mis-pronunciation of Firebreath’s name, Jack liked even tone and it quality.
Ann Potter: Memoir: A nasty scene well done, ending in a faint, discussion on how to craft jump-cut to the unconscious/regained consciousness, changes in tense useful but not consistent.
Jack: Bray’s Head: Problem with old men’s dialogue, sounds southern, Andrea says what Jack reads is an improvement over what he writes. He hopes she takes shorthand.
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