Tuesdays with Story

Tuesdays with Story

May 18, 2021

The first word…

“Begin to think of settings as characters in your story. A character plays against other characters, increasing tension, creating drama, and advancing the plot. A story about a man in a hurricane is about two characters. A story about a stepfather and a boy and a toy store is about three characters.”—Jerome Stern, Making Shapely Fiction.

Tuesday evening on Zoom

Seven writers attended, four writers presented work, three writers, myself included, were occupied with hosting guests, which is a thing again.

Jaime Nelson Noven

Outsleep, Ch. 13 & Ch. 2 insert

We talked mostly about setting the scene in the outsleep unit by moving some of the description earlier, looking at what the objective description’s tone should be, and amping up the contrast between the plastic nature of the room and the freshly cut flowers. There was also a good suggestion of the patients (or their locations) having numbers in such a vast space. Thanks, all!

Jaime

Bob Kralapp

“Rialto,” Part 2

There were comments that the protagonist exhibits relatively little self-awareness at the beginning of the story. In order to make his deeper self-awareness at the end believable, there needs to be more internal monologue showing that growth. Jamie felt that the character of the girlfriend got lost after the opening scene and needed greater presence in the story. Another comment was that Rialto didn’t have a conclusive ending and that too many questions were left unanswered. 

Thanks, Bob

Kashmira Sheth

Nina Soni, Snow Spy, Chs. 6&7

Kashmira submitted two chapters of Nina Soni, Snow Spy. Some of the comments were, it needed more conflict in the first chapter, some of the sentences writing can be trimmed down and made more suitable for the age group. Otherwise, it was fine. 

Thanks, 

K

Larry F. Sommers

 Freedom’s Purchase, Chs. 11 & 12

Jack suggested ways to make a more credible narrative of the chase between the planters’ posse and the maroons’ decoys in Ch. 11. For Chapter 12, there was a lot of discussion on how to render Norwegian dialog effectively in English. Also, the suggestion that Anders would have written home previously, and that his defense of his reputation should center more on the breaking of his indenture than on the supposed “murder” of Uncle Torgus. Once again, thanks all for great comments.

Who’s up next…

Amit Trivedi (?)

Jerry Peterson (Escape to the Conch Republic)

Bob Kralapp (?)

Amber Boudreau (The Dragoneer 2)

Jack Freiburger (?)

Kashmira Sheth (Nina Soni, Snow Spy)

Our June 1 meeting will be at Jack’s house. He will send or post directions for the benefit of any who do not know the way. Larry will bring his laptop and put us on Zoom so Kashmira can join us from Virginia. Jaime plans to be in Madison for a two-week period on account of her grandmother’s illness. So she hopes to join us at Jack’s in person.

Writing tip: Get rid of “throat clearing”

Submitted by Jerry Peterson:

Derek Doepker, founder of Bestseller Secrets dot com, provided this incite in a recent email:

One of the best writing tips I’ve ever heard was to get rid of “clearing your throat.”

This is the filler at the start of a message before getting to the most meaningful parts.

For instance, some people may start their emails like…

“Hey! Hope you’ve been doing well. The weather’s been warming up here. I’m glad we’re getting more sunshine. What’s the weather like where you’re at? Anyway, the reason I’m writing you is because my new book is on sale…”

While that may work fine for communication between friends, it’s NOT the approach to take for your marketing content.

Many people will tune something out if it doesn’t get their attention in the first few seconds.

This applies to more than just emails.

Some authors may cut out the first few paragraphs of a book, or even their entire first chapter, and find this works even better.

Or you may delete the first few sentences of your blurb and find it’s more impactful.

Or on video, you may eliminate the whole “I’m so and so, author of such and such book, and today, I want to talk about…” intro.

You can introduce yourself later. Instead, start with a hook.

Granted, this isn’t universal. There are times to be more “polite” before getting to your core message.

However, most of the time, ask yourself if the first 7 seconds of your message would immediately captivate someone’s attention.

If not, it’s time for a revision. And that revision is often just getting rid of “throat clearing.”

The last word…

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” 
― Mark Twain