Tuesdays with Story

Tuesdays with Story
WRITER’S MAIL for December 31, 2010
by Clayton Gill

Good Words from Way Back
“There is a woman in the state of Nevada to whom I once lied continuously, consistently, and shamelessly, for the matter of a couple of hours. I don’t want to apologize to her. Far be it from me. But I do want to explain. Unfortunately, I don’t know her name, much less her present address. If her eyes should chance upon these lines, I hope she will write to me.” – Jack London (1876-1916), opening paragraph in The Road (1907).

Last Call for the Holidays
You’re still invited: Saturday, January 8, 2:00 p.m. join fellow TWS members at the home of Jerry Peterson and Marge Smith Peterson for their Post-Christmas get-together.

However, please do the following: (1) Let Jerry know you’re coming ; (2) ask fellow TWS writers about carpooling (Clayton Gill, Millie Mader, and Randy Haselow still have a backseat in a Honda Civic); and (3) bring post-Christmas reading to the party for barter or banter.

Reading Recap: December 28 Meeting
Second and Fourth group met at the Sundance Theater & Café in the Hilldale Mall to hear work by Kim Simmons, Terry Hoffman, Randy Haselow, Leah Wilbur, and Holly Bonnicksen-Jones.

Kim Simmons read from a chapter of City of Winter. Members offered a number of questions: Why does Ryoko trust the voices that claim to be Fate and Destiny? What distinguishes the two? Why is she horrified by the encounter? One suggestion was that Ryoko should test the accuracy of the unseen writer. Even creepier would be if her thoughts appeared on the page. Other questions for Kim included: Why does Ryoko sometimes slip into a modern and slangy idiom? What’s with all the loose women surrounding the king? And, why does the king, having only met the disguised Ryoko for the first time, now entrust her to lead an important mission?

Terry Hoffman presented Chapter 6 of The Tome. Members commended Terry for “great descriptions.” They also noted needless repetition in the protagonist’s internal monologues. Questions for Terry included: What should we make of Aunt Ace? Do we trust her? The Tome seems to corrupt the relationships of those who desire it – is that idea important to the story?

Randy Haselow offered a chapter of Hona and the Dragon. Members asked: What exactly is a “dracocracy”? Also, does the story take place in an era that corresponds to human history? If so, members noted, the technology is inconsistent. They also commended Randy’s description of the mage-reception room of the castle as well as the stories depicted in the tapestries. However, they commented that the “history lesson” gets a bit dense by the end of the chapter. Members asked: Could more be done with the portal-crack? How exactly does the bell sound? Members also identified points to edit, including “Majesty” when used as a proper noun. They noted that Randy could replace some speech tags with action. Members said the chapter read well overall, while pointing out that, since its opening, the story has shifted considerably.

For the previous meeting of First-and-Third, Leah Wilbur read from the first chapter of Fog-Gotten. She then made revisions and presented the chapter to Second-and-Fourth at this meeting. Members commented that it was great that Leah had a writing style and personality so distinct from the rest of the group. They commended her on the effective use of “shitshitshitshit…” and the stream of consciousness transitions. However, they considered her use of “freak out” and “psych myself out” to be redundant. Leah used first-person point of view throughout, members noted, so the reader doesn’t know the narrator’s name right away and doesn’t need to. That technique adds to the mystery. Regarding details of the action, members pointed out that when shocked by an electric fence, one’s muscles should contract. They asked: Was the narrator-protagonist urinating or ejaculating on the electric fence? Why in the middle of the briar patch did he not retrace his steps? And, when first setting out into the fog, why didn’t he put on shoes?

Holly Bonnicksen-Jones presented a chapter from Coming Up for Air. Holly noted that her story already is 450 pages long and she “will have to cut.” Her chapter generated much comment and many questions from members. Is it a game for Liza to focus on her life apart from David? How will she reach the epiphany that she needs to move on from him? Members said the reader needed to see Liza break up with Nick. Liza needed to realize that she hurt him, and why. Everything from now on should open her up to what’s really going on with herself. Liza’s husband left her and so now she doesn’t trust that a relationship can be safe. Members noted that when you’ve been burned like Liza was, it’s hard to open your heart again, to let that wall down. Liza’s was a big and difficult decision. How would David best approach Liza to declare his love — drunk or sober? At her place, a bar, or a coffee shop? Would the scene be staid or full of drama? Would Amanda support her friend’s pursuit of a man half her age? Members pointed out that Holly’s use of the term “blue hairs” would be lost on the under-40 crowd.

Only five Second-and-Fourthers presented on December 28, which left extra time for a lively discussion on women and men and relationships. Members suggested that Holly should run the Meyers-Briggs indicator for personality types on her characters. Maybe we all should! In affairs of the heart, we don’t want too much rationality and logic, but drama and passion!

Thanks to Randy Haselow for this Reading Recap!

Who’s Up Next?
January 4: Chris Maxwell (?), Aaron Boehm (screenplay, Part 4, Hell Cage), Jen Wilcher (chapter, The Hogoshiro Chronicles), Millie Mader (chapter 23, Life on Hold), and Kim Simmons (Chapter 54, City of Summer). Again, time for one more, so please let Jerry know if you’re interested (petersonjerry@att.net). Note: First-and-Third returns to Barnes & Noble West.

January 11: Jack Freiburger (chapter, Path to Bray’s Head), Holly Bonnicksen-Jones (chapter, Coming Up for Air), Carol Hornung (chapter, Sapphire Lodge), Terry Hoffman (chapter, The Tome), Jen Wilcher (chapter, The Hogoshiro Chronicles). There’s time for one more – if you’re interested, please let Carol know (CHornung88@aol.com). Note: Second-and-Fourth Returns to Barnes & Nobel West.

January 18: Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), Greg Spry (Chapter 3, Beyond Cloud Nine), Cathy Riddle (chapter, Beer Crimes), John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold), Linda Meyer (scene, Everything’s Going South), Jerry Peterson (Chapter 6, Thou Shalt Not Murder).

January 25: Andrea Kirchman (?), Kim Simmons (chapter, City in Winter), Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), Leah Wilbur (chapter, Fog-Gotten), Anne Allen (chapter, Homecoming), Aaron Boehm (screenplay, Hell Cage).

Vote before January 4: Next Fifth Tuesday “Writing Challenge”
First-and-Thirders will pick the March 29 “Writing Challenge” at their meeting January 4 – so please get your vote in now: E-mail your choice from below or your new idea to Clayton Gill.
● Finish the short story your way – wrapping up in your own creative way the last couple of paragraphs of a famous short story. In this way, “Gift of the Magi” could become “Grist of the Magi.” Or, “The Short, Happy Life of Francis Macomber” could become “The Short, Happy Revenge of Francis Macomber’s Ghost.” If you like this idea, recommend a short story to Clayton. First-and-Thirders will need to pick the story or range of stories on January 4.
● Write a conversation between you – the author – and your character. For example, “Why did you kill me?” Or, “Why did you stick me with this loser of a boyfriend?”
● Pick your “anti-genre” and write a scene. For example, if you write fantasy, now write realistic fiction. If you write crime stories, so now write romance.
● Write a scene from the other gender’s point of view. Guys, your main character is a woman; gals, your character is a guy.
● Or, men, write a scene for a bodice-ripper; gals, write a scene for a spy thriller or other testosterone-rich story.
● April Fool’s Day comes on the Friday after our Fifth Tuesday, so write the best practical joke, the best lie or deception, or the best surprise ending.

Let Clayton know your preference. Please do it now!

Writer’s Mail: Duty Roster
Carol Hornung stepped up to edit Writers Mail in March – thank you, Carol!
January – Randy Haselow
February – Cathy Riddle
March – Carol Hornung
April – help wanted!
May – get experience now!

There’s are lots of months ahead, so please let January’s editor know you’ll volunteer: E-mail Randy Haselow.

Nathan Bransford: “Writing Advice From Some Old Guys At My Gym”
Literary-agent-turned-author Nathan Bransford recently re-posted a blog posting from 2007, http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2010/12/holiday-repeat-writing-advice-from-some.html, sent to Writer’s Mail by Jerry Peterson and excerpted below. Bransford blogged…

I did not expect to receive writing advice at the gym. I’m not the sociable gym type who knows everyone and asks about their various pets. I like to get in, get out, and go home to complain about how sore I’m going to be the next day.

But there I was, doing my core exercises with one of those exercise orbs… and I overheard this conversation between two of the gym old timers… And for the record, I don’t watch the Sopranos.

Old Timer #1: So, how about the Sopranos? Who do you think is gonna get whacked next week?
Old Timer #2: I hope it’s the kid. I hate that kid. He’s a waste of space.
Old Timer #1: Whaddya mean he’s a waste of space?
Old Timer #2: He’s got no balls.
Old Timer #1: No balls? Whaddya mean he’s got no balls? He’s leaving that world behind. He doesn’t like the violence. He’s going his own way.
Old Timer #2: That’s because he’s got no balls.
Old Timer #1: So the only way to have balls is to be a violent sociopath?
Old Timer #2: No. But if you don’t have balls it’s not a choice. If you got no balls you’re just a wuss. In order to make a real choice, you have to have it in you, only you turn your back. He’s just got no balls.

The gist of what Old Timer #2 is saying is that in order for a character to make a real choice, he/she has to have the capacity to make both choices he/she is presented with. This is really good writing advice!

One of the best ways to reveal character in a novel is to have the character make a choice because it reveals the character’s core values. We all have this innate curiosity about what makes people tick, and when a character makes a decision under pressure when they’re faced with a difficult choice, we learn about their priorities and values. Does the character value his pride or his life? Does the character love the girl enough to risk his own neck? Etc., etc.

But in order for this to work, a character has to have the capacity to make both choices. Otherwise, your reader will sniff out a false choice a mile a way. So I can see Old Timer #2’s point — if the kid from the Sopranos doesn’t follow his father’s footsteps, it doesn’t necessarily mean that his value system is different, he just might not (forgive me) have balls. A more interesting dilemma would be if we got the sense that he did have courage, but then decided to go his own way. Then it would mean that he was rejecting his father’s value system in a real way.

There you have it: Writing advice from the gym.

From Word Spy: Mini, Micro, Nano
From Paul McFedries’ Word Spy comes “nanobreak” (also “nano-break”), a noun denoting “a brief vacation, particularly one that includes just one night away from home.”

McFedries’ citations:
● “Anticipating this newly emerging travel trend, Hotels.com has planned special discounts on hotels in the Asia-Pacific, Americas and Europe from the year’s end until the middle of February, a period that includes the New Year’s Day and Lunar New Year holidays, to allow Korean travelers to enjoy nanobreaks more easily.” –Lee Hyo-sik, “‘Nanobreaks’ new tourism trend in S. Korea,” Korea Times, December 23, 2010
● “There has been a 29% increase in the number of UK holidaymakers searching for single-night holidays — or ‘nano-breaks’ — over the past year, according to Hotels.com.” –“Short Breaks Up 29% As Brits Keep On Travelling,” Hotels.com, February 17, 2009
● “But despite the mounds of luggage in the boot of the prime ministerial Land Cruiser plus one very smart guitar case this is not really a holiday at all. It is more of a nanobreak to show support for the British tourist industry.” –Robert Hardman, “Tony’s country jaunt,” Daily Mail, August 2, 2002

The WordSpy note these related words: daycation, leisure sickness, mancation, microvacation, naycation, staycation, vacation bank, vacation deprivation, vacation hangover.

For more: http://www.wordspy.com/

The Last Word: U2 Can Make ’Un ’Rself
Yes, you too can make up your own original word. You can do it on purpose or by accident. For example, in the course of his day job, this editor received the following e-mail (excerpted text shown verbatim):

“H$U$ is a profit-making organization and the only way to raise their illicit funds is to appeal to the heart-strings of naive, unknowledgeable, and stupid American public!!! Thank goodness there are some in the media who have not ‘drank their kool-aid’. Yes — they are basically a cult, foistering a false religion with the agenda of a vegan world.”

“H$U$” refers to the Human Society of the United States (HSUS), recently in the news for reporting alleged animal abuse at a Texas egg farm and North Carolina pig farm.

But did you happen to stumble over the e-mailer’s made-up word – “foistering”? Even so, you probably had a good idea of the intended meaning. The e-mailer combined the verbs “foist” and “foster” to make up a word that works.

From Merriam-Webster.com, the transitive verb “foist” means (1) “to introduce or insert surreptitiously or without warrant” or “to force another to accept especially by stealth or deceit” and (2) “to pass off as genuine or worthy.” Synonyms include fob off, palm off, pass off, etc.

Also from this dictionary, the transitive verb “foster” means (1) “to give parental care to” or “to nurture” and (2) “to promote the growth or development of” or “to encourage.” Synonyms include advance, cultivate, encourage, forward, further, incubate, nourish, nurse, etc.

According to the e-mailer, the HSUS is surreptitiously and deceitfully nurturing the growth of its “false religion.” It happens: Foister – a new transitive verb.

Please send Randy content for the first Writers Mail of 2011. Thank you!