Writer’s Mail 3/5/2010
By Kim Simmons
O for a Booke and a shdie nooke, eyther in-a-doore or out;
With the grene leaves whisp’ring overhede, or the Streete cryes all about.
Where I maie Reade all at my ease, both of the Newe and Olde;
For a jollie goode Booke whereon to looke is better to me than Golde.
-John Wilson
Last Meeting
Clayton – Chapter 10 rewrite. Is Gram coming through? John wanted to know who Miker was talking to from the beginning of that section. John and Jerry think the beginning of the chapter starts strong, but should be in the active voice. Kim wants to know if a 12-13 year old kid would use the words sperm and semen. Jerry wants to see Miker gaining knowledge instead of the information dump. Clayton is trying to show that he’s searching for knowledge on his own. Kim had a problem with the sounds of the fish. Jerry goes into the basement – Miker gets trapped, but nothing happens to him, he doesn’t even panic. Pat is still not feeling Miker, emotionally. Jerry thinks we need a reason to care.
John – Broken, Chapter 10. Millie thinks Broken is a very sympathetic character. Clayton had a problem with the dread dropping and bird’s droppings. Alicia says just use fell instead of dropped. Jerry wants to know how Broken knows it’s bread? Kane thinks Broken’s relationship with the bread should be more complex. Pat wondered what the point of the chapter was, could it be metaphorical? Kane thinks Broken should feel something when Moca was taken. John reminded us of what took place at the end of his last chapter. Clayton wonders if Broken wouldn’t start to have hallucinations at some point. Perhaps as his body fails, snapshots would come quicker and quicker.
Kim – Chapters 4-6. John was curious about the mechanism of italics in Chapter 5. Non-italics are current thoughts of hers. Pat thinks the council chapter is a lot tighter now. Unclear about the name that can’t be spoken. Jerry didn’t get it. Neither did a lot of others. Would her character really hate the rain? Millie thinks of her almost as a nymph. John thought the language and the interaction between characters in chapter 5 weakened them for her. Perhaps start Chapter 4 a little sooner – too much flashback. Jerry wants to know why the kids are spying for a character on a meeting that that character is attending.
Alicia – Chapters 34 & 35. Millie is enjoying the descriptions. Pat thought she jumped right in and took care of the procedural stuff. Clayton thought the establishment of the facts of the case came along nicely. Kane thought if one character called another a liar it would personalize it. The crack noises of the gavel reminded Jerry of the sound of a whip. Pat doesn’t know who will win.
Cathy – Chapter 1! The second part could be its own chapter. Bill thought the description of the trash was too descriptive, and distracting. Clayton thought the tension could stretch between what she’s thinking and what she’s doing. Kane thought the creepiest thing so far was the gelatinous carp, so maybe finding the body could be grosser. Kane thought the dead body was too passive.
Jerry – Chapter 23 & 24. How many more chapters? Jen wanted to know what Deportment was. Kane was looking for color. Early’s been in a world of white, color could help show his excitement. No elation when he finds the matches. Also, should the schoolhouse be a bigger ruin. Is there some temptation to stay in the schoolhouse? It bothered Millie that he wasn’t in more pain. Clayton thinks he needs more pain. Bill doesn’t know what neglect smells like. Kim wanted to know how derelict is the schoolhouse if its sat there for years, neglected. Pat wonders if Early is afraid or, if in that great tradition of manly men, he gets pissed. Also, one of those matches shouldn’t work at first. Alicia had a problem with Early walking right into the school. Would he have to break a window or something? John thinks it might be full of snow. Jen thought the ten-mile remark awkward. (more…)
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