Tuesdays with Story

Tuesdays With Story Newsletter

July 6. 2021

The First Word

“. . . the correct intention, which is to provide the reader with an experience that is superior to the experiences the reader encounters in daily life.” From Stein on Writing

Here’s who presented Tuesday evening

Kashmira Sheth (chapter 9, Nina Soni, Snow Spy) – Kashmira submitted chapter 9 of Nina Soni, Snow Spy. Most of the comments were positive. One thing that several people pointed out that the ending was ho-hum. There were some suggestions to change the chapter ending to make it more exciting. 

Larry Sommers (three poems) – My three poems were met with genial puzzlement. The most puzzling was “I came to a corner that did not bend,” based on the central metaphor of a long-obsolete cash transfer mechanism in old department stores. Jack suggested a lot of words could be cut in all three poems. Jerry disputed the final assertion from ” In the land of my boyhood” that I never became one of the giants (adults). I thought it was a matter of viewpoint. Maybe objectively I joined the adult world but inwardly remained a kid. Thanks for all your comments and suggestions.

Amber Boudreau (chapters 21-23, Dragoneer 2) – Amber read from the beginning of Chapter 21 of the three chapters she sent to the group. Jerry wanted to make sure she was consistent with her spelling of waterskins, in that, she spelled it as one word throughout and not two. Jaime wanted to know if we would see a character who got left behind again later. Amber admitted the character doesn’t show up again in this book but could pop up in subsequent novels. John suggested editing the goodbye and Kashmira recommended adding more interiority to the main character’s thought process. In addition, Amber has used up her allotment of conjunctions. She can no longer use them.

Mike Austin (short story, “Dumpster Fire” rewrite) – Dumpster Fire, so far as it’s written, received many helpful and encouraging comments. Well, it was also savaged a little bit, but I’ll take that as a compliment. I need to tighten up the beginning. There was the thought that it was a slow moving story. For the most part, people liked the addition of Grady’s mother. The cat might not be needed, though I would miss it if I took it out. But sometimes those things have to be done. We’ll see. People also thought that Grady was more likable in this draft, and that his character is believable and easier to care about. Thank you all for your help! Mike 

John Schneller (chapter 15, Precious Daughter) – Clarity in the transfer of prisoners was the greatest need identified by several alert critiquers. The ferrying of prisoners across the bay confused everyone when the prisoners did not arrive at the slave ship. The reason for the march needs to be clear. The threat to the ferry workers will be clarified. Sentences will be shortened. Conjunctions deleted. Thanks to all!

Our next Fifth Tuesday

Planning ahead, our next Fifth Tuesday is only two months away . . . August 31. Put it on your calendar.

Here’s who’s up on July 20

Amit Trivedi (???)

Paul Wagner (???)

Kashmira Sheth (chapter 10, Nina Soni, Snow Spy)

Larry Sommers (???)

John Schneller (chapter, Precious Daughter)

Our editor

John Schneller continues as our July editor for Writer’s Mail. If you have something you would like him to include in our next issue, email it to John.

The inspiration for Moby Dick

Herman Melville based his novel on a real incident, a giant whale wrecking the whaling ship Essex in 1820, 30 years before he brought out his novel. If you’ve never heard or read the story of the Essex, you should. It’s a whale of a tale. Click on this link < https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-true-life-horror-that-inspired-moby-dick > to read the story as it appeared in Smithsonian Magazine.

The final words from Stein on Writing

“Now that you’ve fixed the larger problems and hunted and killed the smaller ones, take some time away from the manuscript and then read it as a reader, not an editor. But keep the editorial pen handy, just in case.”