Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays with Story
July 23, 2019

The first word . . .

“You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it’s good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits (of a writer) is persistence.”

― Octavia Butler (1947-2006), sci-fi author

At B&N Westside . . .

Cody Benjamin, our writer friend from New Mexico, stopped in to show off his first thriller, Shaitan. It came out in May. He’s now writing his second.

Summer travels knocked our attendance down to six who critiqued the works of five of their colleagues. Here is some of what was said:

– Jack Freiburger (chapters 51-52, A Walk upon the Water) . . . not many comments Tuesday night.  Seems the anchor adventure was fine, some concern about the footballs game details, but few comments in general at the meeting.  Have not had time to check postings yet.

– Jessica Smith (chapters 1-2, rewrite, Holding the Balance) . . . Overall, there was improvement in the two rewritten chapters. The story is good, but I need to show the reader the action, rather than tell the reader. I need to have the characters think in the first person more and do less explaining of their backgrounds. Other suggestions include:

• During the crime scene, eliminate physical description of detective, use dialog to bring his personality across
• Laurel needs to be more shocked and horrified by the crime scene
• Crime scene needs more description
• Only Officer Herald needs to throw up (she’s a rookie)
• Save description of bunny slippers for more impact
• Take out last several paragraphs of chapter one (it’s an info dump)
• The temper tantrum works for some, doesn’t work for others
• Eliminate one character (Officer Roberts) and replace him with Officer Herald

– Chris Zoern (chapter 3, Apostate) . . . Much of the advice I received involved tips for improving the prose like making more active verbs, eliminating confusing pronouns and choosing precise wording.  Jack suggested reworking the last few paragraphs to show more of the cat hunting for the finger.  Finally, Tracey recommended cutting back on the repetition of Micah’s hunger, the reader gets it after the first couple of times.  I appreciate all of the suggestions for improvements.

– Tracey Gemmell (chapters 1-2, The Great British Die Off) . . . The initial concept for The Great British Die Off was generally well accepted. The group felt the characters and plot held promise and humour shone through. Most agreed the story didn’t begin in the right place. The disagreement came in where it should start. Larry stated that a cosy mystery, by definition, should include a female protagonist, but this couldn’t be verified. Many thanks for the suggestions.

– Jerry Peterson (two 80 Candles stories, “I Played Summer Stock with Harrison Ford” and “The Wedding”) . . . Harrison got a pass. “I liked it,” Tracey said. But three fixes were suggested for the wedding story. (1) Missus Fight should be Missus Flight. “That’s the way I read it,” Tracey said. Jack added that the name change is appropriate because the woman is flighty. “Everything about weddings is flighty.” (2) The drug-sniffing dog is not on a lease, but a leash. Well, maybe the sheriff’s department couldn’t afford to buy the dog, so they rented it. No, the dog should be leash. And (3) Jack suggested putting the tow truck driver in a funnier shirt, a shirt with a cat or a dog on it. Or maybe a Pabst shirt. Leave it at that with no comment, he said.

Who’s up next . . .

August 6: Lisa McDougal (chapter 16, The Tebow Family Secret); Cindi Dyke (???); Amber Boudreau (chapter, Mavis); Jack Freiburger (chapters, A Walk upon the Water); John Schneller (chapter, Broken rewrite); Bob Kralapp (chapter, Capacity); and Larry Sommers (chapter, Freedom’s Promise).

Our editor . . .

Amber Boudreau is our July editor for Writer’s Mail. Larry Sommers takes over next month.

Fifth Tuesday . . .

It’s coming fast, July 30. Larry Sommers and his wife will host us at their home on the west side of Madison. Come early if you want to splash in their pool.

If it’s a hot day and you’d like to cool off in our above-ground pool, feel free to come up to an hour early and bring your suit and towel.

Larry and his lovely partner will provide one main dish, plus beer, red and white wine, water, and coffee. If you want to drink something exotic, like a particular soft drink, bring your own. We will provide paper plates and cups and plastic cutlery.  Bring a dish—either a main dish or a salad or dessert or appetizer.

Larry would like to estimate how many people are coming, so please e-mail him with that information.

The writing challenge: Write a story with a deus ex machina ending.

A deus ex machina ending is… a plot device whereby a seemingly unsolvable problem is suddenly and abruptly resolved by the inspired and unexpected intervention of some new event, character, ability or object.

Think of the movie Jurassic Park. Several of the characters are running from a dinosaur intent on eating them. They are doomed. Nothing they do can save themselves from becoming dino snacks. And then another dinosaur shows up. It kills and eats the first dinosaur, permitting the humans to escape. An unexpected intervention.

Dramatic? Yes, but not fully believable.

So that’s your assignment for Fifth Tuesday. Write a story with this kind of over-the-top, unbelievable ending. Go for the laughs. Make it funny. And do it in no more than 500 words.

Your story, email it to Jerry Peterson by Sunday evening, July 28.

The last word . . .

“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.”

— Richard Bach (1936- ), novelist and nonfiction writer