Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail

June 24, 2014

“If there were a clear path to follow to become a writer,a manual or a set of instructions, the next step would read,‘Repeat, and repeat again.’” -Benjamin Hedin

At this Tuesday’s meeting…

Eleven writers gathered at Barnes and Noble June 24th to critique 5 stories.

Deb read chapter 4 of Crossing Guard.

• Rebecca wanted to know the details of what “America’s Most Wanted” had to say about the murderer. Kristin said the kids would be whipping out phones and tablets to look it up unless they can’t bring them to school or the story is set in a different time period.
• Liam said the kids sound older than 12. Rebecca agreed and pointed out a particular line of dialogue when Rose said she hadn’t made the connection earlier. Kendra suggested making the kids teenagers, 13-16. Their current speech and actions would fit the older age group.
• Katelin and others pointed out some paragraph break changes to keep characters speech and actions together.
• The POV shifted to Allie at times.
• Several members discussed whether the kids would report the crossing guard as the potential murderer or try to deal with the threat themselves. Their reason for not telling an adult about their suspicions should be clear.
• Jack suggested cutting about 250 words to create more excitement and suggested using more decisive descriptions.
• Don’t call the show “America’s Most Wanted,” since the show might not be on anymore.

Rebecca read chapter 2 (The Mark) from the novel she is working on, Lookout.

• A new visitor to the group remarked that the language of the story is very unique and a bit overwhelming at first but works well once the reader becomes accustomed to it. This is consistent with the remarks from other members of the group. The first chapter in the book helps to establish the language patterns throughout the story.  
• There are a couple of places in this scene where the point of view switches. At one point the story is seen from Amy’s perspective (the little girl that owns Ang) and at one point the squirrel appears to be telling the story.
• Mimi, the enemy cat, played a significant role in the previous chapter but a minimal role in this chapter.  Members of the group questioned the role that Mimi would play as the story moved forward.
• Several members of the group questioned where the story was going—there is no evidence of conflict yet. The chapters thus far have described Ang’s world very well but have not revealed the central theme of the story even this is chapter two.

Kristen read a short story entitled The Field, The Noise, and Nothing.

• Kristen threw out a question to the group asking if the main character was male or female. The responses were mixed. Several members pointed out that the description of the clothing indicated the character is male.
• The desperation felt by the main character in the story comes through very well. One member suggested sticking with short sentences to maintain/build tension throughout the scene.
• The descriptive passages throughout the piece are quite beautiful. They put the reader right into the scene.
• The story can be condensed—there are some extraneous and repetitious phrases that can be eliminated.
• One member pointed out that many of the sentences start with ‘I’
• The description of the tree ‘dissolving’ towards the end of the story was confusing and didn’t fit with the follow-up passage of the tree exploding from a bullet.
• The pacing and structure of the story were both done well. The revelation at the end of the story (rather than at the beginning) that the protagonist is being chased by his own brother really makes this piece interesting.

Jen read a revised first chapter of her untitled story.

• Jen wrote a great description of the physical actions performed by Hibiki during her 5^th kyu test.  Several members of the group felt the scene would be stronger if we could see what is going on inside the main characters head. This was a point of debate because those members of the group that have been involved with martial arts pointed out that when engaged in the forms, the mind is clear of extraneous thoughts. Some people found the description very clinical—lacking insight into the emotional state of the main character but those in the know felt that the endless repetition involved in learning the forms negate emotion.
• Is the detail of the scene necessary? Is it needed to understand the story?
• What is the purpose of the scene? How does it tie into the main plot? Should you be bringing in information about the central conflict of the story at this point?
• A dojo is unfamiliar to most readers. It is important to set the scene by giving a description of the surroundings to help the reader visualize what is happening.

Most members had to leave by 8:30, but some stayed to hear Liam read from chapter 1 of a revised story that he was unable to send out early.

• Rebecca was confused about whether the boy was dead or not and would like it to be clearer. Maybe the name of the room they are in could be more descriptive to give a clue of what is going on. Good set up, showing the fantasy element first.

Who’s Up Next…

July 1: Amber Boudreau (chapters, Stone), Millie Mader (chapter 55, Life on Hold), Kashmira Sheth & Amit Trivedi (chapter 4, novel), Bob Kralapp (short story part 6, “Hole in the Wall”), Andy Pfeiffer (chapters, The Void), and Jerry Peterson (chapters, Rubbed Out).

July 8: Jack, Liam, Jen, Deb, Roxanne, and Andy M.

July 15: Lisa McDougal (chapter, Tebow Family Secret), Andy Brown (chapter 4, Man Before the Fall), Amber Boudreau (chapters, Stone), Pat Edwards (???), John Schneller (chapter 3, Final Stronghold), and Judith McNeil (chapter 14, My Mother, Savior of Men).

July’s editor…

Something you want included in Writers Mail next month? Ruth Imhoff is the July editor.

Katelin Cummins takes on the job in August.

NaNo in July…

Camp NaNoWriMo kicks off July 1^st:

A spin off from the popular National Novel Writing Month in November, Camp NaNoWriMo is a writing adventure based in an online community. Choose your own word count goal for the month, work on any type of writing project, join an online cabin and get pep talks in your mailbox for support.

2^nd and 4^th members Katelin Cummins and Ruth Imhoff are participating. Email Katelin if you want to join their online cabin!

Find out more at campnanowrimo.org.

Don’t forget to mark your calendars for Fifth Tuesday…

The next Fifth Tuesday will be July 29!

Rebecca Rettenmund will host.  Bring a lawn or folding chair for yourself if you have one.

This is a potluck, so please bring some food to share!

The Challenge

What if your character could tell you what he or she thinks about your writing? Maybe she doesn’t like how you portrayed her, or he hates what you’re doing to his life in the story. Your character’s rant or diatribe is your 250 word challenge piece.

Bring a print out of your own story to share at the gathering for fun. Email your masterpiece to Katelin by July 30 so it can be included in the next newsletter. That means you have up until the Fifth Tuesday to complete it!