Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail
November 10, 2011
By Pat Edwards

“I dream for a living.” – Steven Spielberg

A core group of 2nd & 4th-ers gathered at Barnes & Noble for critiques (and caffeine, for many of us) and camaraderie…

Jack Freiburger brought Path to Bray’s Head to an end. Jen suggested cutting the last sentence and ending it with “Go with the journel.” Carol wondered if it could end with some kind of boating term for smooth sailing. Holly wants some atmosphere at the beginning of the scene. Terry felt that the sudden jump to the present day was too quick. She also wondered about the condition of the blanket – was it worn after all these years, or was it so sturdy it hardly looked worn at all? Holly wanted a little more emotion at the end, but Cole felt it worked quite well.

Cole Ruby read the next scene from Champions. Jack pointed out that Vice has no expectation of fairness at this point, so for him to say something isn’t fair doesn’t quite fit. Katelin thinks there’d be more that Mark knows through the church about demons – he’s trying to fit things into his world view. Jen figured Jenna would want to know WHY her brother is still alive first, then ask about the vampires later. Jack thought the matter-of-fact attitude of Jenna paralleled Vice nicely, bonding them as brother and sister. Katelin thought Jenna might experience or express a little more fear or surprise, and Terry thought some stronger verbs would be useful.

Terry Hoffman brought chapter 3 of The Great Tome. Holly thought that the physical changes Rachel’s body was going through would be strong triggers for emotions around the loss of her baby. Jack wanted an adjective to describe the two weeks Mom was dying in the hospital. Is the book a distraction from her emotional pain, or is a different word needed? Jen liked the line about Mom slipping away “breath by forced breath.” Carol felt that it flowed well, filling in backstory bit by bit.

Holly Bonnicksen-Jones read Ch. 29 of Coming Up For Air. She explained the sudden leap forward of one year thusly: “When happiness happens, it’s kind of boring.” Katelin pointed out that it’s a cloudy, rainy day – why would anyone want to go on a hike? Jen felt Liza’s reflections on David made for a pretty long paragraph. Carol suggested sprinkling the observations throughout the hike scene. Terry pointed out that a scene should never start with a character just waking up. Cole thought the backhanded playful slap sounded too brutal, and Carol didn’t like Liza expecting an engagement ring and setting herself up for disappointment, but Cole and Terry both felt that it worked.

We meet again on Tuesday, November 22nd. Readers will be:
Liam Wilbur
Holly Bonnicksen-Jones
Terry Hoffman
Carol Hornung

There’s room for two more – if you want to get on the list, let me know! Carol

Edit Your Novel In Three Steps
By Nina Davies | Editing
From Autocrit.com

Today’s publishing industry is cut-throat and difficult to break into. A good editing plan can make the difference between ‘sold’ and ‘shelved’.

The best way to edit your novel is to think of it as a pyramid. The foundation consists of your basic storyline. The next layer consists of the scenes you’ve used to tell the story. The top layer consists of the sentences you chose to bring the scene to life.

Story –> Scenes –> Sentences

To create a strong novel you need to work from the bottom up. First you evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your story, next you consider the scenes. Only after you have revised your story and scene choices should you fiddle with individual sentences and paragraphs. Using this method you avoid working on a specific section only to decide that the whole scene needs to be deleted!

The first step is to ensure you have a strong story to tell. Brainstorm a list of questions to help you evaluate your narrative. Some questions to consider include:

– Does your main character have a goal that drives him/her through the story?
– Is the external barrier that prevents the main character from reaching his/her goal substantial enough to carry the book?
– Is the book set in the correct physical location? The right time period? At the right time of year?

Once you are satisfied with the arc of your story, you need to analyze each individual scene to make it as strong as possible. Again, list the important elements a scene should include and evaluate your writing. Some issues to consider include:

Does the point-of-view character have an objective during this scene that is relevant to their story goal?

– Is there a good mix of narrative, dialogue, and introspection?
– Can the reader feel the emotions of the characters? Are the emotions believable?

When you are satisfied with your story and scene structure, it is time to work at the sentence and paragraph level. Here�s where you refine your word choices and sentence structure to make your writing as strong as it can be. Make a list of the criteria your writing should meet. For example:

– Do you vary your sentence length and avoid prolonged sections with sentences of the same length?
– Do you avoid repetition of the same word or phrase?
– Do you minimize adverbs and other weak words like ‘was/were’, ‘have/had’, ‘feel/felt’, etc?

Once you’ve completed the third pass through your manuscript, you can be confident you’ve considered all of the important elements. Your novel is ready to submit!

Who’s up next?
November 15: Judith McNeil (???), Aaron Boehm (screenplay/part 13, Hell Cage), Millie Mader (chapter 30, Life on Hold), Greg Spry (chapter 14, Beyond Cloud Nine), John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold), and riding alternate Jerry Peterson (chapters 19, Thou Shalt Not Murder).
November 29: Fifth Tuesday . . . Second-and-Fourth group hosts at Jack Freiburger’s farm.
December 6: Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 3, The Cheese Logue), Beth Turner (???), Liam Wilbur (chapter 5, Scott & Rory), Jim Cue (short story), Jennifer Hansen (???), and Greg Spry (chapter 15, Beyond Cloud Nine). ** Remember! First and Third will meet at the Alicia Ashman Branch of the Madison Library.

Great words . . .
From Wordsmith Anu Garg:
My iPad, their Toyota, her house… In a typical day we talk a lot about possessions: having things. The word possess is from Latin possidere, from potis (having the power) + sedere (to sit). So when you possess something, say a patch of earth, you have the power to sit upon it, literally speaking.

The English language has many terms about who has what. Enjoy this week’s words that answer “Whose what?” but it’s important to remember that the best things in life are not possessed, they are free. We don’t say my ocean, his stars, or their sun.

fool’s errand
Pronunciation: (foolz ER-uhnd)
Meaning: noun: An absurd or futile undertaking.
Etymology: From English fool, from Latin follis (windbag, fool) + errand, from Old English aerende (message, mission). Earliest documented use: 1705.
Usage: “Richard Sloan adds that even attempting to find a scientific basis for a link between prayer and healing is a fool’s errand.”
Tyrone M. Reyes; The Power of Prayer; The Philippine Star (Manila); Mar 30, 2010.

gentlemen’s agreement
Pronunciation: (JEN-tl-manz uh-GREE-muhnt)
Meaning: noun: An agreement that’s based on honor and not legally binding.
Etymology: From the idea that a gentleman (a civilized man of good standing) will honor an agreement he has entered. Earliest documented use: 1886.
Usage: “Since the Iran-Iraq war, the two countries have had a gentlemen’s agreement to maintain similar quotas within OPEC.”
Carola Hoyos; Seismic Shock As Demand Shifts East; The Financial Times (London, UK); Mar 29, 2010.

dogsbody
Pronunciation: (DOGZ-bod-ee)
Meaning: noun: A menial worker; drudge.
Etymology: In the British navy, dogsbody was the term sailors used for the unpalatable food given to them, boiled peas (officially known as pease pudding) and biscuits soaked in water. With time the term began to be applied to low-ranked sailors and eventually to anyone who is forced to do menial jobs that no one else wants to do. Why a dog? Probably from the general poor reputation of a dog, as evident in terms such as a dog’s life and a dog’s chance. Earliest documented use: 1818.
Usage: “The US has been accused of treating Britain not as a partner but as a dogsbody.”
Nick Amies; Obama Visits Britain; Deutsche Welle (Bonn, Germany); May 24, 2011.

beginner’s luck
Pronunciation: (bi-GIN-uhrs luk)
Meaning: noun: The initial good fortune supposedly enjoyed by a novice in a game or another activity.
Etymology: The counterintuitive phenomenon of a novice having success in an activity has been called beginner’s luck. It may simply be confirmation bias: one remembers hits, but ignores misses. Earliest documented use: 1897.
Usage: “Rookie paddlers will then see if they can dial into beginner’s luck, and win a race while they’re at it.”
Patrick Witwicki; Rainbow Warriors Challenge Paddlers; Muskeg News (Canada); May 25, 2011.

driver’s seat
Pronunciation: (DRY-vuhrz seet)
Meaning: noun: A position of power, control, or dominance.
Etymology: From the allusion to one driving a vehicle. Earliest documented use: 1923.Usage: “Other Democrats say the president must come up with an aggressive strategy to put himself back in the driver’s seat.”
Sheryl Stolberg and Helene Cooper; An Electoral Upheaval, but Few Signs of Change; The New York Times; Nov 17, 2010.

The Last Word
“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.” – Orson Welles