Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail 9/20/2010
by Kim Simmons

“A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket.” ~Charles Peguy

Last Week
“If you walk up to the bell, you’ve got to ring it.” — Terry Hoffman, on adding important details to a sexy scene . . . more on that later!

Once again pushed to the other side of Barnes & Noble by a reading done by someone who had the audacity to publish a book, we actually managed to zip through seven pieces! But first, congratulations to Anne Allen, whose article “A Bridge Between Two Cultures,” about Rosalie Dousman, who ran a school for Menominee children in the 1800s in Northern Wisconsin, was published in the Autumn 2010 issue of the Wisconsin Magazine of History. Well done! On to the readings . . .

Jack Freiburger read Lester’s story from The Path To Bray’s Head. Annie Potter enjoyed it – a true Irish tale, dark and funny! Anne suggested adding some action to break up the long narrative, though Carol Hornung thought maybe by giving the piece a chapter of its own, it could stand alone (wouldn’t need as much messy punctuation, either.) Toyed with the idea of using Miz instead of Ms – would fit better with Lester’s speech.

Carol Hornung brought in an overlapping scene from Sapphire Lodge, picking up before the last reading ended. Anne was quick to point out that for a story about a character with synesthesia, there wasn’t any color in the scene! Holly and Terry felt Saffi was being a little too calm after her experience to be thinking about tourist revenue, though the section was clearly important. Perhaps not in the right place. Jack liked the fact that she wasn’t ruffled by the blood and potential death and just wanted to kick back with a beer – could be the start of a particularly tough character.

Annie Potter read another scene from her memoir, which was really well done. Carol found a few typos. . . not much else to say! Holly Bonnicksen-Jones liked the dramatic scene of the step father dragging her out of bed. There was some repetition – the plan is told to the brother, Michael, then we see the plan unfold as told. Maybe drop some of the scene with Michael.

Holly Bonnicksen-Jones presented a new scene and a new boyfriend for Liza. The kiss after the date was a bit flat – evoking Terry’s previous comment! Get into Liza’s head more, and have Nick speak more. Andrea Kirchman wanted to see more character development with Nick. Terry suggested a scene with Liza fretting over dressing for the date.

Kim Simmons read Chapter 12 of City in Winter. Since James has been moving carefully and knows they’re out to get him, Jack suggested he probably would be more cautious in approaching the stricken Centaur. Text-wise, there are a lot of pronouns and names – combine sentences to get rid of some of those. Holly wanted the fantasy elements played up more – James makes a huge discovery, and it can be bigger for the reader. Andrea quite curiously wondered just what a baby centaur might look like.

Andrea Kirchman brought a scene from Reunion. Carol thought the tension between the elder sisters was fantastic. Holly, being a sister, thought the interplay was quite accurate – and biting. Anne found herself a bit confused by some of the voices – with three women in the room, they need to be clearly labeled when speaking.

Dan Hamre read the second half of “Tractor Jockey.” A considerable debate broke out over the last line, “I envied the poor mutt.” Some liked it, some wanted it modified, a couple suggested it could be dropped. Each way changes the tone of the story, just a bit. Anne, too, pointed out to be careful with tenses, which tended to shift.

Coming Up Next
September 28
Kim Simmons, City in Winter
Terry Hoffman, The Journal
Jen Wilcher, ?
Randy Haselow, Hona and the Dragon
Jack Freiburger, Path to Bray’s Head
Andrea Kirchman, ?

October 12
Anne Allen, ?
Annie Potter, memoir
Holly Bonnicksen-Jones, Coming Up For Air
Carol Hornung, Sapphire Lodge
Randy Haselow, Hona and the Dragon
Jen Wilcher, ?
Kim Simmons, City in Winter

Anyone who would like to read on October 26, let me know! – Carol

The Huskers by John Greenleaf Whittier
It was late in mild October, and the long autumnal rain
Had left the summer harvest-fields all green with grass again;
The first sharp frosts had fallen, leaving all the woodlands gay
With the hues of summer’s rainbow or the meadow flowers of May.
Through a thin, dry mist, that morning, the sun rose broad and red;
At first a rayless disk of fire, he brightened as he sped;
Yet even his noontide glory fell chastened and subdued
On the cornfields and the orchards and softly pictured wood.
And all that quiet afternoon, slow sloping to the night,
He wove with golden shuttle the haze with yellow light;
Slanting through the tented beeches, he glorified the hill;
And, beneath it, pond and meadow lay brighter, greener still.
And shouting boys in woodland haunts caught glimpses of that sky,
Flecked by the many-tinted leaves, and laughed, they knew not why;
And schoolgirls, gay with aster-flowers, beside the meadow brooks,
Mingled the glow of autumn with the sunshine of sweet looks.
From spire and barn looked westerly the patient weathercocks;
But even the birches on the hill stood motionless as rocks.
No sound was in the woodlands save the squirrel’s dropping shell,
And the yellow leaves among the boughs, low rustling as they fell.
The summer grains were harvested; the stubble-fields lay dry,
Where June winds rolled, in light and shade, the pale green waves of rye;
But still, on gentle hill-slopes, in valleys fringed with wood,
ungathered, bleaching in the sun, the heavy corn crop stood.
Bent low by autumn’s wind and rain, through husks that, dry and sear,
Unfolded from their ripened charge, shone out the yellow ear;
Beneath, the turnip lay concealed in many a verdant fold,
And glistened in the slanting light the pumpkin’s sphere of gold.
There wrought the busy harvester, and many a creaking wain
Bore slowly to the long barn-floor its load of husk and grain;
Till broad and red, as when he rose, the sun sank down at last,
And like a merry guest’s farewell the day in brightness passed.
And lo! as through the western pines, on meadow, stream, and pond,
Flamed the red radiance of a sky set all afire beyond,
Slowly o’er the eastern sea-bluffs a milder glory shone,
And the sunset and the moonrise were mingled into one!
As thus into the quiet night the twilight lapsed away,
And deeper in the brightening moon the tranquil shadows lay,
From many a brown old farmhouse and hamlet without name,
Their milking and their home-tasks done, the merry huskers came.
Swung o’er the heaped-up harvest, from pitchforks in the mow,
Shone dimly down the lanterns on the pleasant scene below,
The glowing pile of husks behind, the golden ears before,
And laughing eyes and busy hands and brown cheeks glimmering o’er.
Half hidden in a quiet nook, serene of look and heart,
Talking their old times over, the old men sat apart;
While up and down the unhusked pile, or nestling in its shade,
At hide-and-seek, with laugh and shout, the happy children played.
Urged by the good host’s daughter, a maiden young and fair,
Lifting to light her sweet blue eyes and pride of soft brown hair,
The master of the village school, sleek of hair and smooth of tongue,
To the quaint tune of some old psalm, a husking-ballad sung.

National Indie Excellence Awards Calls eBook Authors To Submit
The 2011 National Indie Excellence Awards are open for submissions. The awards are open to print and eBooks by self-published authors, small press and independent publishers.
Winners and finalists will be announced nationally in mid May 2011 around Book Expo America. Prizes include a national book publicity campaign.

According to the NIEA website, the awards are open to “all English language books that are available for sale online and off, both e-books and books in print.” There is a range of categories to enter, including more than 20 sections for fiction. For more information, follow this link, http://www.indieexcellence.com/award-rules.htm The deadline for entries is March 31, 2011.

In short, the book has to be already published. Entry is $69. There are a ton of categories but you may only submit to one category per $69 entry fee. I think that that means for every addtitional category you want to submit to, you have to pay another $69. Overall, not a bad cost for promotional purposes.
Here’s the link to the award’s web page, http://www.indieexcellence.com/award-rules.htm

Chicago Manual Of Style
The 16th edition of The Chicago Manual of Style is now available! With state-of-the-art recommendations on editorial style and publishing practices in the digital age, The Chicago Manual of Style is the must-have reference for everyone who works with words. Now available online at http://www.chicagomanualofstyle.org/home.html

The Last Word
“Ink and paper are sometimes passionate lovers, oftentimes brother and sister, and occasionally mortal enemies.” ~Terri Guillemets