Tuesdays with Story

Tuesdays With Story

May 2, 2023

First Word…

“Writing has to do with darkness, and a desire or perhaps a compulsion to enter it, and, with luck, to illuminate it, and to bring something back out to the light.

― Margaret Atwood, Negotiating with the Dead

Tuesday evening…

Nine TWS writers attended the meeting via Zoom, seven of which read from their works in progress. Here is a summary of what was said:

Kashmira Sheth & Amit Trivedi If Not For the Partition, Chs. 16,17.

1. Add why the British left India and mention the monarch’s photo at a few other places. 2. Add more of Uma’s internal thoughts, especially her questioning if the cellmate was real or not. 3. Add Kedar’s internal thoughts regarding the apology to Elder. 4. Add a bit more of the cell description.

Amber Boudreau Second Act, Chs. 38-40. Amber read from the end of Chapter 39 of Second Act. The consensus seemed to be that the action in chapters 38 and 39 could be better streamlined. Judy found a few descriptions to be a bit gory. Amber apologized. Mike said, “Don’t apologize!” Larry suggested a bit of gore comes with the territory of urban fantasy. Kashmira thought there were too many people to keep track of, or Amber was keeping track of too many people. If she smooths out the action of chapter 38, it might help with that. Most seemed to think chapter 40 was okay. 

Bob Kralapp Nostalgia, sketch for a short story. The chief reaction was that too many questions suggested by events were left unanswered. What, for instance, was the narrator’s motivation for going to the festival in the first place, and how did he feel once there. What was the tattooed woman doing at the festival? Did she represent a social/political agenda? Would she appear later in the story? Other comments focused on the underlying sense of threat, as well as the atmosphere of darkness and dreaming that appeared toward the end.

Suzanne Gillingham Kaleidoscope, Chs. 6,7 Bob thought the flashback stopped the scene. Amber pointed out some problems with tenses. Judy noticed some telling rather than showing and didn’t believe that Lily knew Carey well enough to diagnose him. She also wondered if Carey should be acting on his own in seeking help. Larry pointed out some POV problems and said he’s having trouble liking or rooting for either one of the characters. He thinks they need dimension added to their personalities.  Thanks, everyone for sharing. I appreciate it.

Jessica Smith RJ the Wobbly Hooligan. The overall consensus is that the writing is much better in the second draft, however, there are a few very helpful suggestions:

• Some of the words may still be too advanced
• Start the book with the sentence, “RJ was too smart…”
• The words are still describing what could be shown by the illustrator. The words need to be more poetic/lyrical, more child-like
• More love needs to be shown between the cat and his person
• His person may need a name if the bond isn’t shown more 
• I don’t need to number the pages
• The sibling at the end isn’t needed, keep it simple, it’s not good to introduce a character so late in a book
• More motivation and expression are needed behind RJ’s character, is it love or curiosity that motivates him?

Thank you!

Jess

Mike Austin Nick at Sixteen Chs. 1,2 The rewrite of the first chapter was well received, with the suggestion that it might work better to open with the boys getting drunk instead of explaining Nick always being in trouble. Nick’s drunkenness needs to be felt more. He’s a little too aware of his surroundings in that state. I’ll have to research someone who’s actually been drunk. Some of my exposition, as when I describe Uncle Alvin, could be turned into dialogue instead. Alvin’s past visits could be mentioned. Once again, I need to work on past vs past perfect tense. Yes, Amber, it does indeed read better that way. Same with “finally.” How could I have used “finally” many times on one page? Thanks, everyone for all of your edits, comments, and suggestions! Mike

Here’s who’s up on May 16…

Jack Freiburger  (Jesus at the Ihop)

Judy Cummings (A Real Hero)

Larry F. Sommers (Brothers)

Mike Austin (Nick at Sixteen)

Jaime Nelson Noven (New York, After All)

Amber Boudreau (Second Act)

Fifth Tuesday…

Our Fifth Tuesday social gathering will be at Jack’s farm on Tuesday, May 30. We will discuss details at our next meeting, including the writing prompt for our 500-word challenge. So put your thinking caps on now.

Last Word…

“A writer lives in awe of words, for they can be cruel or kind, and they can change their meanings right in front of you. They pick up flavors and odors like butter in a refrigerator.”

― John Steinbeck, American author, Nobel laureate