Writer’s Mail
April 11, 2012
By Pat Edwards
“Write with the door closed, rewrite with the door open.” – Stephen King
2nd and 4th at the Barnes & Noble
Present: Jack, Terry, Jen, Holly, Katelin, Kat, Jaida (Jaida is new!)
Fifth Tuesday is coming up May 29! Terry will host. Please send ideas for a writing challenge to Katelin. More details to come!
Terry read pages 77-79 of chapter 6 from “The Great Tome.”
Holly thought that the earlier scene in the restaurant with the character Katie was good – lots of little details of action that made her feel like she was there. It didn’t make sense to toast to life though – what does that have to do with Katie meeting a guy? Kat also thought that the dialogue was good. She could tell that Katie was excited because of the self-interrupting. Jaida thought it feels choppy, though the short sentences do convey Katie’s excitement. Combine some sentences and it might flow better and still keep the drama.
On page 77, Jack thought that Rachel’s confrontation of Ace was not strong enough, and Ace’s sidestep not direct enough. Perhaps Rachel should repeat the question more. Rachel could use Ace looking for things to bring up the book again in different ways. Make the dialogue dance so that the characters and words flow in the same direction. Holly thought it might work better if Ace didn’t pick anything for the still life until Rachel starts asking about the book, and then suddenly Ace starts to pick and grab things in a hurry. Ace sets up the still life to dodge Rachel’s questions. Jen asked if Rachel is trying to validate herself or confront Grace? They are different things. Probably both. Jack suggested that Rachel could suggest a book to Ace for a still life subject to bring it up again. In the scene there are two people searching for different things. Weave those searches together. Holly thought Rachel seemed passive. She’s fragile, but has a strong personality – bring that out more. Kat suggested more frustration in the interior dialogue. Jack noticed a lot of observational strength from Rachel in the scene with Katie. Bring that to the scene with Ace. Kat suggested more observations of Ace’s gestures and facial clues to what she’s thinking or feeling. With Rachel observing Ace more, it can become more of a game to Rachel, which is when she can really use more of the hypothetical questions. Holly thought Ace could have more hippie language in her voice to make her character livelier. Jaida noticed that Terry uses a lot of hands in descriptions of actions. Mix it up some.
Jack read part III of “Jesus Walked into the IHOP.”
Terry liked the phrase “following like a long shadow.” Holly generally liked the section. She didn’t like the voice because it seemed to slip in and out of being Jesus’s voice. Since it’s an omniscient narrator through Jesus’ eyes, Jaida suggested more insight from the narrator. Jen was confused about who “he” was in the 2nd sentence of the 2nd paragraph. Kat was unsure what “HE WAS THE ONE” was supposed to mean without seeing the earlier mention of this. Kat pointed out a lack of consistency in capitalization of “God” in “God-fearers.” Jaida wondered if the second to last paragraph was meant to be funny. It could be very funny if cleaned up more. (more…)
Tuesdays with Story 