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Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays with Story
February 24, 2017


Tuesday evening at Barnes & Noble

A big crowd for us, 14 writers gathered to critique the work six of their fellows. Here’s some of their comments:

  • Pat Edwards (Call & Refuse) . . . The group gave Pat a lot of good ideas for enhancing the chapters.  Hannah noted the change in voice once the exercises were introduced.  John and Jerry thought a clear arch of Pat’s own journey would help the readers identify with her story.  The group discussed how to make the example people’s stories more relatable and real.
  • Amber Boudreau (chapter 12, part 2, The Dragoneer) . . .
    Amber submitted the second half of Chapter 12 of the Dragoneer to the group. Pat wanted a bit more showing between two characters during a particular piece of dialogue, but otherwise seemed to like it. Kashmira noted a repetitive phrase and suggested ending the chapter earlier because it had a good hook and would want to make people turn the page. So really, it was the second half of chapter 12 and chapter 13 that got reviewed.
  • Eva Mays (chapter 9, Dhuoda) . . . Regarding chapter 9, Rebecca suggested “sprout” as a more dynamic word than “grow”. Tracey gave the group a lesson in the anatomy of a sidesaddle. Most people approved of changing Ludovic’s name to Hludowig, to avoid confusion with his son, Lothar.
  • John Schneller (chapter 9, Final Stronghold) . . . Final stronghold chapter 9 received several good suggestions. As these concerns occur regularly, greater effort needs to be applied. Problem: The large cast of characters along with minimal internal thoughts and explanations. This result in difficulties identifying POV characters, a full understanding of the scene dynamics, and full characterization of those in the scene. Efforts at tight writing and protecting subtlety may be winning the battles, but losing the war. The battle plan will be reevaluated. Thanks for all the constructive thoughts!
  • Millie Mader (poem, rewrite, “Divorce”) . . . Some of the word choices could be changed. I’m working on them—and grateful that there aren’t too many. Thanks for taking all this on — Millie



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