Posts Tagged ‘fanstory.com’

Writer’s Mail
May 28, 2014

“History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.”

– Maya Angelou

Notes from May 27, 2014
Rain pounded on the roof as we gathered at BN West for critiques and other things…

Fifth Tuesday – in progress. We should have a location and a challenge soon! Save the date – Tuesday, July 29th!

July newsletter editor: Ruth Imhoff. Working on an editor for August! (Anyone who wasn’t at the meeting last night who can take on August newsletter duties, please let us know).

We jumped into the critiques with the start of Rebecca Rettenmund’s new story, “Lookout.” Jack noted the short poem would be more effective (and more cat-like) if each line had the same number of beats. Roxanne and Carol liked the cat’s way of speaking, but needed to be introduced to it – perhaps put the description “the hard sheet of water she couldn’t go through” first in the story, then call it Hardwater afterward. Deb found that capitalizing the cat’s words was a bit distracting. Carol didn’t mind it, but suggested consistency – if some are capitalized, all should be capitalized.

Jack Freiburger brought in three poems, but we concentrated on “God Hunger.” Katelin recognized the disconnect Jack described between that one poem and the others. It’s different, but not sure how. Others were more symbolic and general, this one is more direct. Ruth said it felt like it covered a longer time period, while the other poems were more in the moment. Carol appreciated the more direct approach of the poem, and suggested that “isle” might be “aisle” instead.

Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. Jen wanted more showing and less telling. Thought the keys were mentioned a little too often. Perhaps more of a reaction from Kyle when he gets to the room. Watch the continuity – the guy didn’t actually break into the room, so violation may not be the right word. A few too many descriptive words that could be cut. Deb liked the dialog, thought it was very “college-y.”

Deb Kellerman started a new story, Aquila. Rebecca thought the description of the surroundings fell in the wrong place – maybe scatter the lines of description within the action. Jen suggested a new paragraph there, to set it apart. Also, watch the pov, keep each character within their own paragraphs. Carol liked the description of what was going on, but had to wonder after a while, WHY were they fighting? Deb explained there’s something mystical about this particular spot that’s part of it. Need to bring that out a bit more. (more…)

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