Posts Tagged ‘David Foster Wallace’

Writer’s Mail for April 12, 2010
by Jen Wilcher

Since our note-taker for 1st & 3rd, Amber Boudreau was not at the last meeting and we completely forgot, the individuals who read for 4/5 have submitted what they remember of the critiques.

Grey Spry:
Clayton thought that maybe the A.I., Bob, should comment on Brooke’s guilt. A number of group members believed that I needed to make Brooke’s inward caring and outward callousness towards the 50,000 deaths clearer. Millie said she definitely shouldn’t smirk. Pat and Kim pointed out that Brooke tosses her helmet into the tech’s stomach and chest. Which is it? My use of the term pummeled in regards to the helmet was incorrect, since the word implies repeated action that isn’t happening. Kim suggested I get rid of the sentence beginning with “Recent events…” regarding Brooke’s stim (drug) use. Most people agreed that I needed to show Brooke reach for the wrench and explain how she gets it (people thought the old timer gave it to her, but she really just grabs it from him, in which case he’d probably resist). Everyone agreed nanite was the best term for microscopic machines. Pat, having been in the military, pointed out that Brooke should snap to attention right away when the general enters the room rather than saluting. Then she needs to stand that way the entire time and possibly twitch. The general should threaten her with a court martial as opposed to saying he should boot her out of the service. Finally, a handful of people thought that the “namesake” reference was to Brooke’s callsign, Angel, when in fact it referred to her type of fighter craft, [SF-522] Leviathan. Jen wanted to know if I planned on changing the name Leviathan to help the reader better visualize the spacecraft. I do intend to change it, but haven’t decided upon a replacement yet.

Millie Mader:
Most of my critiques were for more telling rather than showing. A couple of the guys didn’t like Erin “jumping” from one guy to another. I’m trying to show that she is very honest, and hasn’t led any of these “boyfriends” on in any way. I guess only girls will understand this. As for the others, I really can’t remember much. (more…)

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