Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays With Story
June 19, 2018
Nine of us gathered around to read and critique each other’s work.
Millie Mader read from her short story “Stone Cold Stripper.” Millie writes, “I’m going to eliminate the first chapter and the info about the founding of DNA. Will (hopefully) try to ‘tighten’ the whole thing up.” Amber noted the following: John questioned the characters flying all the way out, getting three statements and leaving. He felt they would have asked more questions. Tracey thought the ordering had improved, but she had a few questions about verb choice. Jerry wondered about the traffic and Tracey suggested changing it to unfamiliar roads. Tracey was also looking for more suspense. Millie questioned how long a short story should be. Jerry suggests 30,000 words max. Tracey would really like to see the explanation of DNA removed. Larry thought the character’s interaction at the crime lab was too similar.
Mike Austin read from his short story “The House.” Jerry wondered if the semi, in the beginning, would use an engine brake which would be a bit louder. Amber thought the first two sentences could be switched and a few parts could be trimmed because of the first person POV. John enjoyed the emotion and the pacing of the piece. Larry had an (admittedly) nitpicky comment about headlights. Tracey thought the piece was brilliant and thinks there’s a contest somewhere Mike should enter. Jerry pointed out an antecedent issue in the first paragraph and suggesting cutting a repetitive word here and there. John was confused about a dream and whether the house was creaking in the dream or in real life.
Larry Sommers read from one of two chapters he submitted from Freedom’s Purchase. Larry writes, “On my two chapters of subplot for Daniel the slave, Jerry pointed out that “whupping” was not consistent with the narrator voice used in the passages where it occurred and questioned whether “unreliable servant” was an appropriate description of Daniel, who was in fact a slave. Someone (Amber, or Jack?) suggested changing the order of phrases in the part describing the relative leniency of life at Hurricane Plantation. Mike pointed out a discrepancy between statements suggesting that Massa Petitbon either did not know about the Maroons, or knew enough that he could have “rousted them out if he had a mind to.” Thanks all for perceptive comments.”
Jack Freiburger read from Chapter 8 of A Walk upon the Water. Jack wrote, “Readers report enjoying the chapter, found some humor in it and good character development.” Amber noted the following: Larry enjoyed it. Jack appeared surprised. Tracey didn’t think this moved slowly at all, unlike some of the chapters previous. Jack tells the group he hasn’t looked at this for five years. John suggested doing a search for all was and were words. Jack tells us that Agnes, a new character, will be involved from here on out.
Amber Boudreau read from Chapter 2 of her novel Avice. Tracey is enjoying it but has a problem with the memory sections and what can be considered procedural memory versus other types. Jack thought there was a missed opportunity to jumping the fence and wandering. Jerry wondered if one character recognized another and why there wasn’t a reaction.
Tracey Gemmell read from Chapter 1 of Lavender Wine. Jerry itched to ask a question about scratching. Jack suggested using a stronger verb in one instance and had a question about the man who was shaving. John didn’t think there was more to it, but if she had mentioned him one more time he might think otherwise. Jack had a question about word choice near the end of the chapter and whether doors slide shut or are pulled shut. John thought there might be too many instances of variations of the word look. Some discussion of the first line and Wales follows.
Jerry Peterson read from one of three short stories he submitted to the group “Boo.” Larry thought it was a good story and enjoyed the bait and switch. Tracey liked it all the way through until the bit with Carson at the end and suggested he add another joke. Jack and Larry argue that the end works as it is. Tracey liked the second short story and suggested giving the radioman a reason to be interested in the church. Jack had a few suggestions for the first story.
Who’s up next…
July 3
No Meeting
July 17
Millie Mader (???)
Jack Freiburger (chapters, A Walk upon the Water)
Bob Kralapp (???)
Kashmira Sheth (chapters, middle grade mystery)
Deb Cleveland (chapter)
John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold)
Jerry Peterson (short story, “The Marksmen”)
Other Business:
Larry Sommers has agreed to be the newsletter editor for the month of July and Tracey Gemmell will be the editor for August.
July 31st will be our next fifth Tuesday at Amit and Patel Trivedi’s home.
- Who’s going – Meg, Jerry, Marge, Amber, Tracey, John, and Larry
- Who’s a maybe – Jack+1 and Mike
Writing Challenge suggestion: Write a fake book blurb for the next bestseller, or someone in the group’s next major work. 200-word max.
Tuesdays with Story 
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