Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays with Story
March 23, 2018

Tuesday evening at B&N West side

A dozen writers, including new member Deb Cleveland, gathered around the tables to review theworks of six of their colleagues. Here’s some of what was said:

Larry Sommers (chapter 10, untitled novel)
Read from Chapter 10 of my immigrant saga, now tentatively titled The Boat-builder’s Daughter and the Schoolmaster’s Son. Both Jerry and Tracey zeroed in on lack of explanation as to why Maria’s letter home to Norway had to be sent. Jerry wondered how Maria, out in her frontier cabin, would know when it was 4 am and time to get up for her job at the Petersburg Hotel; I didn’t have an immediate answer to that. And there was no setup for the change in personnel staffing that hotel job from Maria to Anne, leading the reader to wonder if it was just a typo. Pat, Tracey and others thought there might be a better way to finesse the difference in identities between the two similar-but- not-the- same Norwegian chambermaids. And there was some general concern about the technique of narrating the most exciting part of the chapter, the confrontation with the slave-catchers, indirectly through the ex-post facto dialog of the participants. Good comments, all. Much to think about.

ALSO: I presented some early portions of my manuscript to the Downtown Rotary Genealogy and Family History Fellowship today at 1:10 pm at the Park Hotel. About a dozen people were there and received it very kindly. It then formed part of a general discussion about the uses of family history and the ways to approach it. Several of those present signed up for e-mail notification when the book is scheduled for publication. It was a lot of fun.

Jack Freiburger (chapter 15, A Walk Upon the Water)
Helpful grammar checks, most seemed to like the chapter. Book is 52 chapters, each a story, the only chapter MIA is the first, which never seems right.

Mike Austin (short story, “Second Chance)

Bob Kralapp (poem, “Sunday Morning”)

Kashmira Sheth and Amit Trivedi (chapter 20, untitled novel) Correct grammar. Develop more of ‘fire and water’ contrast. Transition was too abrupt after the lion encounter. Kedar’s emotions/actions were hard to understand. Good description of fly-catcher bird.

Jerry Peterson (short story, “Visit to the Vampire”) . . . Offering a sling for the narrator’s hurting arm wasn’t realistic, several said. Tracey suggested saving it by letting the nurse make a joke of it. She also suggested the narrator, at the end, wonder about the pain and the wellness visit – “I certainly don’t feel very well.” – completing the circle, tying back to the beginning of the story.

From Tracy

Critique from Kelly Harms Overview of what an agent/reader expects to see in the first fifty pages:

DO:

 Use a prologue if appropriate – three-page maximum

 Bring in background/personalities of characters quicker to delineate them in reader’s mind

 Have inciting incident in 3-D. Not enough David has an affair with younger woman. Cliché. Was she a friend of one of Cassie’s children? Was David impotent with her but got another woman pregnant? Betrayal needs to be bigger.

 Have main plan for fixing the problem stated clearly close to page fifty. Cannot just be for Cassie to heal, must be tangible. It can be a bad plan (makes it funnier). Cassie’s quest will be that she needs a job.

 Include a unique hook. Empty-nest, ‘what do I do with my life now?’ has been done before. My novelty will be financial difficulties as that sets it apart from many other novels where money is no object in setting up a new life.

DON’T

 Give away ending in the title. By calling my book ‘Accidentally Fine’, we know the ending

 Ask and answer questions too quickly. Keep reader in suspense. I need to take revelation of affair out of prologue

 Make chapters too short. Need a question, a dilemma or a reveal in each one. If don’t have one of these in a section, it’s a *** break, not a chapter break. Three chapters should be fifty pages

 Recount inciting incident multiple times: I do it three times in first fifty pages of ‘Accidentally Fine’: in ER, on ferry, and to Isabella in France. Isabella is such a compelling character, should hear inciting incident through interaction with her. My inciting incident/reveal now comes on page 31, instead of page 2! Tension is much higher.

 Miss opportunities to make story unique: eg, Isabella and Jean-Luc’s relationship, Bailey’s strength/humor, financial issues as opposed to wealthy divorce, etc.

 Make character transition too quickly. My make over scene in the clothing store is great (according to Kelly) but is way too soon. Nobody changes because their clothes do. She must be transforming already, then clothes change to match.

Many thanks to Jerry for organizing this challenge. My time with Kelly was of great benefit. Also, many thanks to those who contributed to our dinner at Brasserie V on Monroe Street!

Who’s up next
April 3
Millie Mader (chapter, Stone Cold Stripper)
Paul Wagner (short story, part ???, “Mad Jack”)
Kashmira Sheth and Amit Trivedi (chapters)
Jack Freiburger (chapter)
Amber Boudreau (???)
Jerry Peterson (short story, “This One’s for You, James Early”)

April 17
Larry Sommers (chapter, untitled novel)
Deb Cleveland (???)
Mike Austin (???)
Bob Kralapp (???)
Kashmira Sheth and Amit Trivedi (chapters)
John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold)

Our editor

Tracey Gemmell returns as editor of Writer’s Mail next month. Do email her material you want included in the first April issue.

News from an alum

The Santa Clara Review published TWS alumnus Joan Gray’s short story, “Game of Hearts,” in its winter issue. Click here if you’d like to read the story.
Joan was a TWS member back in the early years of the group.

Grammar help
Check out Mignon Fogarty’s book Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing and her Grammar Girl podcast.

Here’s the info on the book and its author:
Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing by Mignon Fogarty
4.24 avg rating — 1,741 ratings published 2008

Online sensation Grammar Girl makes grammar fun and easy in this New York Times bestseller. Are you stumped by split infinitives? Terrified of using the word ‘who’ when a ‘whom’ is called for? Do you avoid the words ‘affect’ and ‘effect’ altogether? Grammar Girl is here to help! Mignon Fogarty, a.k.a. Grammar Girl, is determined to wipe out bad grammar, but she’s also determined to make the process as painless as possible. A couple of years ago, she created a weekly podcast to tackle some of the most common mistakes people make while communicating. The podcasts have now been downloaded more than twenty million times, and Mignon has dispensed grammar tips on Oprah and appeared on the pages of The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and USA Today. Written with the wit, warmth, and accessibility that the podcasts are known for, Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing covers the grammar rules and word-choice guidelines that can confound even the best writers. From ‘between vs. among’ and ‘although vs. while’ to comma splices and misplaced modifiers, Mignon offers memory tricks and clear explanations that will help readers recall and apply those troublesome grammar rules. Chock-full of tips on style, business writing, and effective e-mailing, Grammar Girl’s print debut deserves a spot on every communicator’s desk.