Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays with Story
April 22, 2017

Tuesday eve at B&N Westside

A dozen gathered around a table to critique the work six of their fellows. Here’s some of the comments of your colleagues:

• Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 1, Hunting for Dad) . . .
• Pat Edwards (chapters 7-8) . . . Pat submitted two more chapters of her non-fiction book about the hero’s journey.  Most reviewers wanted more detail in the myths and stories, and ways to tie those stories to the advice in the chapter.  John had a good idea for including some unconventional mentors like cancer – for what people learn from them.  Pat also asked for input as to what to call those who complete a hero’s journey, as she doesn’t want to use the word hero.
• John Schneller (chapter 12, Final Stronghold) . . . Final Stronghold chapter 12 drew a few good suggestions. Mike thought a weasel should be able to eat like a weasel. The idea that “these are the rules of the valley” seem a bit shallow so I have had to think through this dynamic. Jerry and Pat didn’t like similarity of names. I begged off on a one time appearance but to no avail. Rebecca  felt the scene should be described in more detail, and lastly, I was reminded to replace as many speech tags with actions, as possible. Great suggestions, one and all!!
• Amber Boudreau (chapters 16-17, The Dragoneer) . . .Amber read from the beginning of Chapter 17 of her YA Fantasy novel, The Dragoneer. Pat thought the shame Moira felt at one point in the story was too much and suggested a replacement, such as discomfort because shame is such a strong emotion. Katie requested Amber read a particular paragraph from the end of the chapter. Amber, humbled by the request, complied as she wasn’t sure about the paragraph, as other critiques suggested getting rid of it.
• Jack Freiburger (short story, part 1, “Jesus Walked into the IHOP”) . . .
• Eva Mays (chapter 10, Dhuoda) . . . The consensus was that I achieved the high tension  that I was going for in Chapter 10. Jack put forth the word “caravan” to replace “cavalcade. Many people thought Rosamund’s broken arm should be more painful than the chapter currently shows. Jerry suggested I change a sentence where it makes it seem like the horse is running for longer than is physically possible. Thank you all for your input, I will put it to good use!

Who’s up next

May 16: Paul Wagner (???), Pat Edwards (chapter), Judith McNeil (short story, part 4, “Options”), Amber Boudreau (chapters 18-20, The Dragoneer), Jen Wilcher (chapter 4, Hogoshiro Chronicles), Jack Freiburger (short story, part 2,”Jesus Walked into the IHOP”), and Eva Mays (chapter, Dhuoda).

May 30: Fifth Tuesday!

June 6: Millie Mader (???), Nora O’Reilly (chapter, Bill McCormick’s Bliss), Amber Boudreau (chapters, The Dragoneer), Mike Austin (chapters 10-13, Riding with the Reed Gang), Kashmira Sheth (???), Cindi Dyke (chapter, North Road), and Jerry Peterson (James Early Christmas short story, part 2, no title).

– The real estate agent tells you, “I’m going to have to disclose this about your house.” What dreadful thing must disclose to potential buyers?

– You are cleaning your house (apartment, dwelling space, etc), and you come on a room you have never seen before. What’s in it?

Our next editor

In May, it’s Tracey Gemmell. Please send her your contributions for Writers Mail.