Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays with Story
November 18, 2016

Who’s up next . . .

December 6: Pat Edwards (???), Amber Boudreau (chapter 11, The Dragoneer), Kashmira Sheth (part 4, I Am From Here, Too), John Schneller (chapter 7, Final Stronghold), Eva Mays (chapter 7, Dhuoda), Paul Wagner (???), and Mike Austin (chapter, Before I Leave).

November 15: Millie Mader (poem), Jen Wilcher (chapter, Hogoshiro Chronicles), Nora O’Reilly (chapter, Bill McCormick’s Bliss), Hannah Marshall (poems), Cindi Dyke (chapter, North Road), Jerry Peterson (chapter, Night Flight), and Tracey Gemmell (novel,chapter).

Tuesday eve at the B&N . . .

Guest and now new member John Stephens was among the 11 writers around the tables. Also, among the group was former second-and-fourther Jack Freiburger now active with us.

Here’s some of what was shared during the critique session:

– Millie Mader (poem, “Reflections on Ancient Ephesus”)

My poem seemed to be pretty well received. It was suggested that a couple of the words could be changed—and I’ve been trying to think of more appropriate ones. . . .

– Jen Wilcher (chapter 1, Hogoshiro Chronicles)

Critiques included having a basic description of what Aikido was for the un-informed, and also make it clear that Hibiki isn’t sparring, but demonstrating techniques during her test.  Some wanted more clarity on the blue veins.

– Nora O’Reilly (chapter 6, Bill McCormick’s Bliss)

Perhaps I should cut Chapter 6 after Bill hangs up with the reporter from the Isthmus. Bill’s superfluous wondering about leaving his precious bakery to be run in hands other than his own can also be cut. The verb ‘fold’ in reference to Bill’s house of cards should be changed to something more dramatic ‘collapse’ or ‘scatter’ would strengthen the imagery. Finally the question of Miss Olson and how she was able to track down Bill who is almost completely ‘off the grid.’ Bill might demand how to know and she is forced to explain. And a small legal issue was clarified regarding song lyrics. Without paying exorbitant fees, writers are unable to write out lyrics, but can only reference the name/artist of a song. For Jerry I will clean up the logistics of Bill slamming the door on an eavesdropping Father Frank.. . .

– Hannah Marshall (poems, “Sun Real” and “The Gnat”)

There were lots of helpful comments for Hannah on both her poems. We talked about Sun Red needing some paring down and about the use of “thousand faces” and “mouth opens like a stone” in The Gnat. Hannah promised to look closely at a gnat’s anatomy to get the science right.

Also, here are the details on my recent publications.

Hannah Marshall has had some recent publishing success. Three of her poems—“To Dust We Return,” “Habitation (Psalm 23),” and “Sophomore”—were accepted for publication at Metonym Literary Journal. Other recent publications include Hummingbird Press, Big Muddy, and Dappled Things. Her poem in Dappled Things is available to read online as well at http://dappledthings.org/10416/piety/.

– Cindi Dyke (chapters 5-6, North Road) .

Several thought the story line was well developed and moved nicely. Hannah appreciated the character’s observations from a patient’s perspective. Jerry pointed out where a simple change in dialogue will keep the POV correct. Thanks to all for your comments and edits. Your input is always valued and appreciated.

– Tracey Gemmell (chapters 3-7, Losing It) . . .

General consensus was that the chapters were well written and the characters contained depth. Information provided was dense. Jerry suggested the use of a few more commas, though semi-colons were well placed. It was suggested that the two longer paragraphs on the first page of Chapter Three be split. Some of the back story concerning Taylor’s upbringing needed to be cut down unless it was to become more relevant later in the story.

Many thanks to all for your support and encouragement.

Also: Tracey’s first novel, “Dunster’s Calling,” released July 2016, was named a runner up in the Shelf Unbound 2016 Best Indie Book Competition.

Your help, please . . .

Those of us working in long form – novels and memoir – because of the number of new and relatively new members in TWS, please post the first draft of your novel or memoir, or the chapters up to the point where you are writing, in our Yahoo group’s Whole Books file. Our new members can then read them and be up to speed on our work.

Also, please put a brief synopsis of the previous chapter at the top of the chapter or chapters you are posting for a critique. That synopsis will help us all remember what happened most recently in your story.

Fifth Tuesday here in less than two weeks . . .

Yes, it’s November 29. For this Fifth Tuesday, we will be at the Café Hollander, 701 Hilldale Way for your GPS. To date, 16 have made reservations.

Here’s the writing challenge: You are sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner when someone knocks at the door. In the story, poem, or essay you write, use all of the following five words: stew, excoriates, laxative, bi-lateral, and dementia.

Max length: 500 words.

Please email your mini-masterpiece to Jerry Peterson by Sunday evening, November 27, so he can package it with the others.

The editor . . .

Judith McNeil is our November editor. Send her the good stuff you want to share with your fellow writers.

Next month, Nora O’Reilly takes on the job.

Speaking of next month . . .

We move to the Alicia Ashman Branch Library for our December meetings. The library is in the shopping center at Old Sauk Road and High Point. For your GPS, the address is 733 North High Point Road.

Magazines looking for submissions

• For the unconventional with a warped sense of humor, check out www.decasp.com.  They are looking for short comic bits, short videos, character sketches, cartoons, etc..
•  Cutbank Literary Magazine (www.cutbankonline.org) is looking for high-quality literary fiction, non-fiction and poetry.  Deadline is Feb. 1, 2017.  No submission fee.