Tuesdays with Story

Fifth Tuesday stories
March 31, 2015

Writing challenge: Many writing seminars use lists of prompts to provide ideas for short stories. For this challenge, create your own list of six prompts to read to the assembly.  They must be amusing, at least enough to help fight off sleep.

Ruth Imhoff has offered an example: How to survive the Zombie Apocalypse! (well Ruth thought that was funny, but you’ll do better.)

Jen Wilcher plans to bring her laugh-o-meter so we can scientifically select the winner. The winner will receive an award, a prize or large bag of cash. Jen, as sole arbiter, hopes to receive bribes, of which she has offered generously to provide half of to the cash bag.

*Note: Rebecca Rettenmund won the bag of cash.

Alicia Connolly-Lohr, first-and-third

1. Janet visits her new gym, lifts some weights then enters a treadmill room. It’s loud with the buzz of treadmills going, patrons running. There’s one open. She walks to it, sets down her water bottle, towel, keys and steps on. Thwack! She is thrown backward, slams against the back wall, falls to the floor, dazed. A man gets off his treadmill, comes over to help her up. “Did you hurt yourself?” She answers, “No, this is my usual warm up.” Write the remaining dialogue exchange for a romance novel.

2. Your friend picks you up out on a cold, snowy night. Windows are fogging up, defroster and heater are blasting. You have him stop and you run into a quick mart for cigs. When you come out, you jump in the car and huddle, rubbing your hands together and blowing on them. You say, “Wow, that was weird. This idiot kid in there’s trying to buy milk and beer and –” You’re laughing, struggling to get the story out and you look over to your friend, but someone else is in the driver’s seat just staring at you. Write an adventure story that follows this encounter.

3. Late and excited for an important job interview, Mike runs up the steps to an old office building and pushes on the front door. It doesn’t open. He rattles it, sets down his brief case and double-handed pushes and jiggles it. He looks at his watch, rams a shoulder into the door. “Unbelievable! They F-ing locked me out,” he mutters, fumbling for his cell. Another man walks up, pulls open the door and enters. Mike rides up in the elevator with him. Both get out on the same floor, go into the same office. Mike learns the man is his interviewer. Write the scene of Mike’s interview for the comedy writer job.

4. Summertime Saturday night. You get a call from the police. Your teenage Emo daughter (what used to be called Goth), has been “detained” after the cops broke up a wild party in a park. You arrive to pick her up. She is slumped in a chair ear plugs in, bobbing to music. The attending officer taps her shoulder to show her a parent has arrived. When she stands up, you and the officer see that she’s taken off her over-shirt. She is wearing a black T-shirt with a single, bold-print phrase across the front: Shit happens. You meet the cop’s eyes. Write the opening to an essay on the challenges of parenting teenagers using this anecdote.

5. An elementary school teacher tells her kids, “We’re going to talk about family history and heritage today. Who can tell me where their ancestors are from?” A number of wiggling hands went up. Kids called out: Ooh-Ooh, I- know and Pick me, pick me. The teacher called on Troy. “My ancestors came over on the cauliflower.” Using this example, write a training piece for teachers on how not to embarrass their students by laughing at their answers.

6. Mr. Lincoln leaned back in the Kentucky rocker as the other lawyers drank whiskey and smoked. “Boys, did I ever tell you ’bout the time I defended a woman in a state murder trial? The court took a recess. My client asked me where she could get a drink of water. I considered the matter for a moment. Then, I told her, ‘I hear tell they’ve got excellent water in Tennessee.’” Write a legal ethics commentary using this joke Lincoln used to tell.

Ruth Imhoff, second-and-fourth

1. What gets summoned when pudding is spilled on a Ouija board?

2. After a drunken college night they can’t remember, a character must retrace their steps to determine how they became a werewolf.

3. A character purchases a pair of socks and discovers the socks allow them to walk on water.

4. A character returns home to find a dragon now lives in their garage.

5. A flash drive containing the cure for the common cold has been swallowed by a stray puppy.

6. A character is late for work due to a tragic accident. A clown car has collided with an ice cream truck. The streets are slippery with confetti and rocky road.

Karen Zethmayr, second-and-fourth

1. Jan drew a cautious breath. “Um…. Lizzy? Did you, uh, I mean, did you really mean to put on your parka right over your slip? It’s a pretty slip for sure… But, uh, your dress is there… on your bed…?”

2. I ask you a simple question, does this aftershave turn you on, and you say it reminds you of old shoes. What’s that supposed to mean?

3. If only she’d grabbed her gloves and shoved them into her pocket instead of Fifi’s coiled and somewhat fragrant leash.

4. “Look, Jared, everybody else has bothered to obtain ceramic neckwear for this occasion; can you stretch your imagination and just try to fathom how I might feel showing up with a guy wearing copper lamé jodhpurs?

5. Snuggling close, a short stack of picture books wedged under his armpit, Cory gazed up and knit his little eyebrows together: “Mommy, why do you have fur in your nose?”

Rebecca Rettenmund, second-and-fourth

1. Dog becomes enlightened when he finally catches his tail.

2. Husband’s pun was so good it made him a god of puns, and now he’s required to crash parties, tell bad jokes amd give everyone noogies.

3. Cross-eyed assassin was hired to kill himself by cheating on his eye exam. The name of the book is “I Don’t See What You’re Talking About.”

4. Snake gets a pair of spats for Christmas and realizes the person who gave them to him was screwing with him.

5. In another life, you become the shoulder devil for your ex-boyfriend, and you spend half the book torturing him only to find out time backtracked and you’re the next girl he dates.

6. Through a bizarre laboratory accident, a scientist loses his arms and they grow back as tasty roast beef sandwiches.

Jerry Peterson, first-and-third

1. Driving the Beltline during rush hour with your eyes closed.

2. Hang gliding with the governor in the Capitol rotunda.
3. Bench pressing the Green County way, with a 400-pound wheel of Swiss cheese.

4. The New Zombie Diet: Eat only brains of small creatures.

5. Your greatest joy: Binge watching Gilligan’s Island.

6. The [insert your name here] 10-step method for writing a best-selling novel in three days.