Tuesdays with Story

Tuesdays With Story Writer’s Mail
Second Week of March

Nine people gathered at Barnes and Nobles on another snowy Tuesday evening.

Jack read from Jesus at the IHOP
David said the tone seemed dark. Andy said it seemed heavy, lots of information. David liked that Jesus referred to Paul as “the little guy. ” Katelin was confused about time – how much time has passed since Paul and Peter died?

Rebecca read from The Cheese Logue chapter 21
Jack suggested technical improvements. Describe the razor with a different adjective other than “sharp.” Introduce who’s talking when mom says “so… I was raised on a dairy farm” at the end – so many characters in this scene make it complicated to follow. When narrator says “on second thought I should talk,” make that inner monologue because the conflict is within the narrator instead of between the characters. In the section just before entering the apartment, “separated” is weird word and “parted” could be better. Show more about you are distraught when you come in. Andy said take out that paragraph and rework it from the beginning because it’s telling and abrupt, show the falling leaves more. Work on transitions, use a single transition instead of two abrupt ones here. David said the dialogue reads like a play script, seems to break up the flow. Look at pace of conversation. Jen wants some description of body language when the narrator yells at mom to stop. Andy wanted more substance in the section. David found the informative parts interesting. Possibly trim it down. Add more general scene building, more visual description so the reader can see what is happening clearly.

Bill – Short Story “Morning Light”
Jack pointed out lots of telling and the repetition of character’s name “Jack.” Give us the feeling of the place, show us what we are seeing, more sense of place. Show the conversation at the desk where he hears about Susan. Lots of missing information. Jen suggested to make thoughts italics, for example “Just don’t let it rain.” Jen thinks Celtic refers to a group of languages not a single language. Which Celtic language? Check into it, Celtic is a weak word. David pointed out that the shopkeeper spoke English and then the description says his group only speaks Celtic. There are often signs in celtic languages, maybe add some. Jack said the character has incredible eyesight if he knows brand of cigarette from far away. Jack wants more emotion from the character. Reiterate motivation for why he keeps going, why he spends so much money, and what the stakes and mission are. Rebecca wondered if he would really stub his toe so many times?

Jen – Work Drama
Rebecca thought that, since Jen works with this drama king and hears all these stories from him often, why would she expect to have a boring day? Add a transition, set the scene. David said the reader can pick out the irony about screaming “I don’t have an attitude,” so take out the statement, or make it a reply. Might be better as a snarky reply because we want more action in this short scene. Rebecca thought the potato salad part could be amped up with humor. Andy didn’t get frustrated with drama king as much as the narrator, and suggested showing every annoying thing he does to help the reader experience it too. More action and place. Show him keep going back to the phones. David suggested playing on the phrase “half full” verses “half empty.” Two cell phones on meat saw does not seem hygienic or safe for the phone. Give us more on that, dwell on it more. Show us what he did when you helped a customer, how is he with customer. Edit and bring back!

David – Time Traveler’s Guide. . .
Andy and Jack thought the sentence with “leap into the future” on page one could be stronger, more witty or pontifical. Jack said the placing of the “word from Tom” box at the top of page 2 was not good, broke up the flow, and suggested not repeating what is on page 1. Tighten some things up, get rid of parenthesis but keep the phrase. Show more of narrator’s voice before setting up Tom’s voice. Voice is all important especially because there is no setting. A new suggestion for Disclaimers – here’s a list of things the narrator knows nothing about. Bill was fascinated with this even though has no interest in science fiction.

Andy – People, Prologue and Chapter 1
Jen said that everything that’s not dialogue is telling. The narrating character is not relatable or likeable. Show more bodily responses from frustration. Cole disagreed and wondered if this type of story should stay more in the narrator’s head, more about his ideas. It’s good how the story talks about reducing people to numbers and labels while the narrator does this to everyone. David said the prologue by itself has some good hooks. He liked picking up subtle hints about what might happen, and thought that “fitting that you are going to meet the same end” was too obvious. Cole thought the “you” referred to the reader. Jack said the reader will not identify with the president, so start with addressing the president. Jack said there’s not enough character and lots of narcissism, which is off-putting. We need to understand him before we can be with him for a while. Suggest starting with another character and lead the reader to this guy slowly. David thought that the prologue gave clues to the climax, and was worried about losing interest when getting to that scene early in the book. We don’t see his hate, it’s just told. We don’t know how he got that way, how did he come to get so hateful? Rebecca suggests making an outline and giving it to us.

Minutes submitted by Katelin

March 19: Lisa McDougal (chapter 10-11, Follow the Yellow), Millie Mader (chapter 42, Life on Hold), Pat Edwards (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), Aaron Boehm (film script/part 4, “Whole Again”), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 4-5, The Last Good Man).
Alternates: If Pat is not ready, Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 18, The Cheese Logue).
If Clayton is not ready, Amber Boudreau (chapter 9, Noble)

March 26: Carol Hornung (scene, Ghost of Heffron College), Terry Hoffman (chapter, The Great Tome), Jack (chapter, Jesus at the IHOP), Bill (Short Story), Jen (Work Drama, re-write), David (chapter 4, Time Traveler’s Guide . . . ), Rebecca (chapter, The Cheese Logue)

April 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter, Noble), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter, The Cheese Logue), Michelle Nightoak (chapter, memoir), Andy Pfeiffer (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), and Alicia Connolly Lohr (chapters 3-4, Lincoln’s Other War)

Fifth Tuesday: April 30th
We have a challenge for Fifth Tuesday, coming up on April 30! We are still looking for a location. Anyone have any ideas?

The challenge is:
Poorly Translated Cliché
Pick a cliché. Make a poorly translated version of it. Build a story around this translation. Perhaps a foreigner or alien writes home about the cliché and you translate the letter back to English? 250 words or less.

Happy Writing!

Camp NaNoWriMo: Remember National Novel Writing Month in November? Well, Camp NaNoWriMo is just like it, except in April and July and with more flexible word count goals. For more information you can go to: http://campnanowrimo.org/about

Script Frenzy: Just like NaNoWriMo, except with a script. Write 100 pages in 30 days. For more information, go to: http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/

Great words . . .

Courtesy of Wordsmith Anu Garg:

Schadenfreude:

PRONUNCIATION: (SHAAD-n-froi-duh)
MEANING: noun: Pleasure derived from another’s misfortune.
ETYMOLOGY: From German Schadenfreude, from Schaden (damage, harm) + Freude (joy). Earliest documented use: 1852.

USAGE: “Right after the election was called for President Obama, I did something I rarely do: I tuned in to Fox News. Nothing is tastier than schadenfreude and I wanted to see ‘Team 53 Percent’ unravel as it tried to spin Mitt Romney’s defeat.”
– Liza Sabater; Occupy the Divide; Essence (New York); Jan 2013.

This business of copyrighting our stuff . . .

From YA author and blogger Nathan Bransford . . .

Over at Writer Beware, some important information about the various reasons why it’s unnecessary to register copyright in a novel prior to publication:

Well, for one thing, you’re fully protected by copyright law from the moment you fix your work in tangible form (write down the words). In countries that have an official copyright registration process – and many don’t – registration provides no additional copyright protection.
It does confer various legal benefits. Where available, official registration provides prima facie evidence of copyright ownership that can be used in court. In the U.S. only, registration is a pre-requisite for filing a copyright infringement lawsuit.

Read the entire post at http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2013/03/you-dont-need-to-register-copyright-for.html