Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail for October 9th & 16th, 2011
by Jen Wilcher

“There are two times in life when we are most likely to be at a loss for words: when we’re happiest and when we’re saddest. For other occasions, we can usually think of a word.” — Anu Garg, A.Word.A.Day

Since only Greg sent me his blurb for 1st & 3rd, I’m doing a combo Writer’s Mail for both weeks.

Oct. 4. 1st & 3rd A bunch of us met at Barnes & Noble for coffee and critiques. Again, the only critique I have is from Greg so that is what I will post:

Here’s what folks had to say about chapter 12 of Beyond Cloud Nine:
The group wondered how the alien would walk without a skeleton. The children’s dialogue more advanced dialogue was more realistic than the incomplete sentences by Brooke’s niece, Maya, in previous chapters. The author should show what it looks like for Brooke’s mind to be heavy as opposed to telling. For example, have her not remember how to do something simple like open the canopy or disengage her seat harness. “Waddling” was not seen as the best term to describe the teenager running away from Brooke, even in low gravity. The group also wanted Ruby to have one or two additional identifying characteristics. Ruby is Australian, but is she an Aborigine? At the same time, the author needs to state that Brooke just met Ruby so we’re clear that this minor character hasn’t appeared before.

Oct. 11: 2nd & 4th: Tuesday night at the Bookstore:
Jen Wilcher started with a scene from The Hogoshiro Chronicles: Jack and Cole wanted clarification on where the body is being left, and whether before the cremation or wake? Two different things. Holly would like to see the decorations on the altar. Candles or oil lamps instead of electric lights? Liam said the ceremonial knife appeared quite suddenly – maybe mention that she has it when she comes in. Terry would like more of a reaction when she sees her mother’s body – no matter the culture, it is a moment of reflection, if not shock or emotion.

Cole Ruby read a scene from his novel, Champions: Carol loves the idea of exploding vampires! But the scene smacked of monologuing. Why doesn’t Vice kill more of them? Why don’t Mark and Jenna run? She really liked Titus. Alissa wants more reaction from Jenna. Holly thinks there’d be more blood and gore, especially if they’ve just feasted. Jen thinks the “monsters” need to be officially identified as vampires at this point. Jack suggested killing off another baddie, getting Mark and Jenna out of the scene, then concentrate the rest of it on Vice and Titus.

Jack Freiburger read a reworking of a scene from Path to Bray’s Head. Terry really liked the first sentence. Liam was confused by the phrase “filled it felt.” Maybe “felt it fill”? Holly said unintelligble works better than not intelligible. Carol really liked the drama of the Coast Guard helicopter rescuing the other boys.

Carol Hornung presented the next scene of Sapphire Lodge: Jack said Saffi was jumping to conclusions faster than she should. Jen pointed out that we’ve met Donovan before, so we don’t need to see his last name again. “Set your time, set your place, set your people.” Alissa wondered if the Sheriff could force Finley to go to the station or if he’d have to ask. Some argument about the emotional connection between Saffi and Finley – Holly thought she was too sweet on him too fast, while others felt she had already established a fairly intimate connection at this point.

Holly Bonnicksen-Jones read a section of Coming Up For Air: Cole really liked the description on how Liza got past the writer’s block. But was there more to the block? Why did she have it in the first place? Jack questioned why Liza would even think she’d be immune to writer’s block. He also pointed out there was an epiphany in the way she worked: before the block Liza was the one who always had something to say. In order to break the block, she had to listen to what her characters had to say.

Who Is Up Next:
October 18: Jim Cue (fantasy story) – handed out hard copy, Greg Spry (chapter 12, Beyond Cloud Nine), Judith McNeil (???), Aaron Boehm (screenplay/part 12, Hell Cage), Millie Mader (chapter 29, Life on Hold), Pat Edwards (poems),John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold
October 25, 2011: Holly Bonnicksen-Jones (Coming Up For Air), Jack Freiburger (Path to Bray’s Head), Liam Wilbur (Fog-gotten), Terry Hoffman (The Tome), Cole Ruby (maybe). Room for one more!

FIFTH TUESDAY – November 29, 2011
Were you born in a barn? Fifth Tuesday will be held in a barn – on Hickory Knoll Farm, courtesy of Jack Freiburger. Don’t worry, he promises it will be warm!

The writer’s challenge, therefore, has an equine theme: 250 words about anything equine! Rewrite a scene from your own story from a horse’s point of view. Bring Mr. Ed forward to the future. Invent a herd of equine vampires… Try to include the word “whip” at least once!

Keep it short and sweet and send it to Carol Hornung. Working on a prize to be awarded for the best entry – watch this space!

In the meantime, think about what you’d like to bring! We’ll need some of the usual items: paper plates, cups, forks/spoons/knives, napkins, soda, ice, coffee. And, of course, a dish to pass. We’ve already been promised mulled cider and “cowboy pie” (a southwestern twist on shepherd’s pie).

Please let Carol Hornung know what you are bringing (see above address) and hope to see you there!

BOOK REVIEW: NOW YOU SEE HER: BY JAMES PATTERSON
SUBMITTED BY: MILLIE MADER
This new thriller by James Patterson hurtles along like a bullet train. It is told primarily through the eyes of our protagonist, Nina Bloom. Interspersed with Nina’s mind blowing travails, Patterson weaves a dry sense of humor. His crisp style keeps us up till all hours, anxious for the next chapter.
We meet Nina Bloom as a successful Manhattan lawyer, still lovely at forty. It is the eve of her daughter, Emma’s, sweet sixteen party. Emma has the stature and gorgeous looks that make her sought after as a model. Her protective mother turns down the offers, but she lives for her daughter.
The scene, in true Patterson style, now turns backwards on a dime, to twenty years in the past. Nina is a beautiful college girl, in Key West on spring break. Her name isn’t Nina, though, and she and her friends are carefree, tanned and smashed. Party till you drop is their mantra.
In one night her whole world changes, leading her through a labyrinth of horror, with no way out. She is forced to change her whole identity. She becomes a hapless victim, forced to look over her shoulder for the next two decades. Love and marriage prove to be a wicked and evil assault. She escapes in terror, but faces death and discovery at every turn in the road.
How her harrowing journey ends in New York becomes the meat of the tale. Resilient and gifted with wit and determination, she gives birth to Emma virtually alone. She was pregnant when she escaped from her handsome and murderous police officer husband sixteen years ago. He strove to be respected and beloved by the public, and adept at covering his drug running and killings. Nina, as she had become, knew that he would never let her live if he found her.
She encounters a multitude of harrowing twists and turns and near misses. Her inner conscience battles with her desire to continue with the life she has built. Under fear and duress she returns to Key West in an attempt to save the life of a convict that she knows is not guilty. He is about to be executed, and her own life is at extreme peril. What she accomplishes, and how she survives a final life or death struggle make for breath-taking reading.

Other business
– Editors for Writers Mail:
. . . October – Jen Wilcher
. . . November – Pat Edwards
. . . December – Clayton Gill
. . . January – Liam Wilbur