Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail
May 11, 2011
by Pat Edwards

“Recently I had an interesting conversation with a professional screenwriting coach. She told me that you can tell if students are developing a truly authentic voice by investigating how they develop the central character of their story.

Apparently, one of the most common problems of novice screenwriters is that they write heroes by default, characters whose names are on almost every page but who are actually only leads because of their frequency of appearance. They’re presented as victims of circumstances or malice; they are “done to” or react to the actions of others. But they aren’t driving the story through their choces. They only react. Often writers don’t realize it, but they’re scared to let their “heroes” make mistakes, so they create a straw figure for a hero and focus all their creative energies on the bad guys and continuing escalation of crises.”– Sara Ban Breathnach, “Peace and Plenty”

Writing Contest Entrant Advice
Watch Stephanie G’Schwind, Camille Rankine, Michael Collier, and Beth Harrison offer their advice for poets and writers interested in submitting their work to writing contests. (Note, the advice is a little bit into the video, after the listing of Literary journals and prizes.) http://www.pw.org/content/writing_contest_advice

Notes from 2nd Tuesday of May
Kim Simmons, Chapter 14 Whiteout
Leah asked if Kim could break up the term “short sword” and sometimes call it a sword. Kim said she could. Leah also felt that when Kim was talking about “his wind” it sounded like a fart. Kime suggested using the word “breeze” instead.
Andrea suggested that Wolfe not have his tail wagging during the romantic scene. It seems too humorous for a romantic scene. She also wondered how did Ryoko lose track of so many days. She’s too smart for that. Kim said that it was winter. Andrea pressed that there would still be some sun and some way for the people there to know what day it was.
Randy noted that Ryoko has a child she’s responsible for and wondered how could she abandon the child to go off on a sexual encounter for a few days. Holly added that Kim needs to show that Ryoko has some maternal instinct.
Jack stated that since the cave scene, there has not been any landscape described to surround the narrative. The landcape isn’t just the physical, but also the emotional landscape. There is nothing there for the words/dialog to reverberate off of. Especially since it’s fantasy, we need to know the world she inhabits. She has to show us the world.
Holly suggested remembering to review the five senses and figuring out which ones to pull into a scene, such as the sound of flames or the flickering of light off of their skin and fur.

Jen Wilcher, Chapter 7 Kakashi’s Point of View
Kim said that she has aversion to the word “orbs” to describe eyes. She felt that it didn’t need to be stated after they were crying that they were in a grieving process. That is known. Just let them cry.
Terry suggested taking out the phrase “in full swing;” it sounds too informal for the story.
Holly suggested that Jen be consistent with verb tense and sometimes the language is too formal. Terry interjected that each character may have his/her own speech pattern and sometimes these characters may sound formal. Jen said that the Kakashi is a doctor and he is formal. Kim noted, though, that the characters don’t sound different, they need to each have their own voice.
Jack noted that since the chapter is from Kakashi’s point of view, he would be more face saving. He wouldn’t be sobbing, or at least he wouldn’t acknowledge it. In addition, if Kakashi is at a higher level than Hibiki-San, he wouldn’t sit at a lower level than her.
Jack, Kim, and Holly were suggesting more Japanese culture be infused in the writing, such as bowing and the importance of relationship hierarchy.
One member asked if the sheets should be silk.

Randy Haselow, Chapter 23 Flight’
Andrea said that the battle scene should be truncated. The scene goes away from Hona, the central character. She needs to be the focus and Randy needs to keep to Hona’s point of view.
Jack urged Randy to learn more about ships. Leah agreed that the ship knowledge needs to be improved.
Leah, Kim and Jen agreed that the dialogue should be shortened. Hona wouldn’t here full pieces of dialogue, or even sentences or words.
Kim stated that she was happy that Hona was finally captured, but she wondered why Hona wouldn’t scream. Randy thought it would be a good place to cut it. Someone said that Hona needs to have an emotional reaction prior to the scene being ended there.
Andrea asked if Hona needed the hat. Randy reminded her that that is how she is mistaken for a boy.
Jack suggested a few more descriptors.

Kime, Book II Verua
Jack stated that the chapter was disjointed. He suggested that Kime could start with the sixth paragraph. That paragraph is a good lead in and has a nice landscape. The current beginning is full of names that we don’t know yet and is confusing and Leah agreed. She stated that she couldn’t tell who the main character was until the second or third paragraph.
Someone mentioned that she couldn’t always follow who was talking and the descriptors of the horses was confusing.
Holly stated that she liked the beginning quote, but it would be nice to know who wrote the quote.
Andrea said that there are multiple focus points and she would go in one direction with one and then it would go in another direction.
Randy stated that with all the names, places, actions and details, he wasn’t sure if all of it was important to the story line.
Jack said that she needs to set the landscape since it hold the implicit question of “what.” He stated that there were many good lines in the story and some good writing, how the issue is placement. We need to understand where physically the person is with his/her physical movements.
Jack, Chapter 55 Out of the Brambles
Andrea and Terry liked the extra bits he added between when he submitted the chapter for reading and the meeting.
Terry asked if they were burning the boat, wouldn’t there be some kind of emotion. Hack that they were in shock and they are less like children now and more like adults.
Holly and Kim felt that because it was a crisis and they were still teens, wouldn’t there be some panic or fright shown, even for a brief moment. Then they could get back into being a cohesive team.
Holly suggested that Jack eliminate some overused words, such as “surf.”
Three new attendees were at the meeting – Rebecca Rettenmund, Katelin Cummins, and Jennifer Hansen. It was suggested that the group is getting very big and there are more and more fantasy writers. It was suggested that possibly a fantasy writer group be formed. The fantasy writers felt that they learned a lot from the other genres. At some point, the group will need to address its popularity in terms of size.

Who’s up next . . .
May 17: Kime Heller-Neal (chapter 2, Feathered), Judith McNeil (???), Millie Mader (chapter 26, Life on Hold), Jen Wilcher (chapter 7, The Hogoshiro Chronicles), Greg Spry (chapter 6, Beyond Cloud Nine), and John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold).

May 24: Leah Wilbur, (???), Kime Heller-Neal (chapter, Feathered), Jack Freiburger (chapter, Path to Bray’ s Head), Kim Simmons (chapters, City of Winter), and Rebecca jumping in, (???).

May 31: Fifth Tuesday at The Grumpy Troll in Mount Horeb, second-and-fourth group hosts.

June 7: Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), Amanda Myers (???), Aaron Boehm (screenplay/part 8, Hell Cage), Kim Simmons (chapter 60-61, City of Summer), Pat Edwards (poems), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 12, Thou Shalt Not Murder).

SoLoMo – from Wordspy.com!
n. Mobile phone apps that combine social networking and location data. [Social + location (or local) + mobile.]

Example Citations:
As South by Southwest bears down, we’re seeing accelerated promotion of products that fuse social, local and mobile media (SoLoMo). This follows the success that Foursquare had at SXSW ’09, before quickly expanding to its current 7.5 million users.

This also falls in line with the mobile discovery trend long-espoused in this column. It’s now taking on new forms with growing smartphone penetration, and a Groupon-fueled hunger for the deals infused with apps carrying the SoLoMo banner.
—Michael Boland, “Discovering the Right SoLoMo Formula,” Search Engine Watch, March 11, 2011

One of the panel moderators at Social-Loco cited a term coinage by noted Silicon Valley investor John Doerr that’s more useful to understanding what Google is up to than the concept “social” alone: SoLoMo, or social + location + mobile.
—Thomas Claburn, “Google Defines Social Strategy,” InformationWeek, May 6, 2011

Earliest Citation:
I last wrote about Social Local Mobile Search (there’s a moutful) in October of last year.
—Tony Gentile, “Google buys Dodgeball; SoLoMo gets a parent,” buzzhit!, May 12, 2005

Permalink: http://www.wordspy.com/words/SoLoMo.asp

Kindle Direct Publishing Newsletter
Chock full of good information for marketing your Kindle book and your book’s exposure. Interesting writer profiles and book reviews. Your book could be in this next issue!! – Thanks, Alicia!

Here’s an excerpt. Read the whole newsletter here: http://hosted.verticalresponse.com/816983/d0db947000/1497560463/f643d5611a/

Nancy Johnson: Featured KDP Author
Nancy Johnson talks about her experience with Kindle Direct Publishing.

This is, for the most part, a thank you letter to Amazon. Without their help, my novel would still be sitting in a desk drawer. I spent the better part of my life trying to get my novels published. I worked very hard to make that happen, incredibly hard. I was encouraged by all the experts to believe … if your novel is good enough, someone will publish it. You just have to keep trying and submitting. You must query editors, query agents, keep putting yourself out there. Persevere. Don’t quit…. Well, the truth is many, many well-written books never get published. At least that is what used to happen. And again, thank you Amazon. Writers now have a choice. They no longer have to waste years, waiting and hoping. What an incredible time to be a writer!

With the advent of Kindle Direct Publishing, Amazon truly leveled the playing field. Books published to KDP have as good a chance of finding success as any books out there. Amazon has put in place a system that helps readers find new books and authors, from forums, to free chapter downloads, to recommendations on author book pages such as “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought….” I personally love being in control of every aspect of my book. With KDP, I make all the decisions. I choose the cover design, the price, how my book is edited, how fast it is available. I decide what category of books to write; I am not limited by trends. I can take my time or put books out as fast as they are ready. I am not limited in any way. Plus, no worries of going out of print, or being dropped by a publisher because readers did not discover me right away…. Oh, and you’ll be happy to hear, since publishing to KDP, a prominent agent contacted me, not the other way around. I’ve also received offers to buy the rights to my novel from three foreign publishers. Sweet! –Nancy Johnson

The Last Word“A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.” – G.K. Chesterton