Tuesdays with Story

Tuesdays with Story
WRITER’S MAIL for December 26, 2010
by Clayton Gill

Good Words from Way Back
True ease in writing comes from art, not chance,
As those move easiest who have learn’d to dance.
’T is not enough no harshness gives offence,
The sound must seem an echo to the sense.
–Alexander Pope (1688–1744) in Essay on Criticism

Dear “Happily Embarrassed,”
In recent e-mail to fellow Tuesday with Story members, Alicia Connolly-Lohr announced the publication of her book Lawyer Lincoln In Transit To Freedom: An historical nonfiction novel. It’s now available at Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Lawyer-Lincoln-Transit-Freedom-historical/dp/1453849424/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1293407805&sr=1-5), where the listing includes the book’s first enthusiastic review by an admiring relative. Despite Alicia’s blush, any embarrassment is uncalled for.

Alicia is an attorney herself. In the novel’s court room scenes, the young Abraham Lincoln argues a case involving a runaway female slave. Alicia’s real-life experience adds to the blow-by-blow realism of the drama.

Of course, we all know Lincoln as a legendary orator, statesman, and U.S. President. However, in Alicia’s story, we encounter some of Lincoln’s pivotal moral and ethical dilemmas, his charm and gift for persuasion, and his beginnings as one of our nation’s greatest leaders.

Lawyer Lincoln is another TWS success story: Enjoy and review!

Reading Recap: December 21 Meeting
First-and-Third group met at Alicia Ashman Branch Library to review work by Randy Haselow, Greg Spry, Leah Wilbur, John Schneller, and Jerry Peterson. Linda Meyer had prepared to take the place of Justin Schober, but her work did not get full circulation in advance of the meeting and the group ran out of time for its consideration. The group rescheduled review of Linda’s work for future meeting.

High-octane fuel for the evening’s creative power came from Cathy Riddle, who brought two batches of cookies (which this dedicated reviewer would describe as “mocha chocolate chip” and “pistachio-cranberry shortbread”). Someone asked Cathy for the recipes, which could go into a cookbook called Extreme Christmas Cookies (title probably available – a quick Google search turns up only “tweets” [http://twitter.com/pcaps]). Jen Wilcher added nitro to the fuel mix with her chocolate and peppermint mini pretzels. Thank you, Cathy and Jen!

Randy Haselow presented two chapters from his fantasy novel Hona and the Dragon, focusing the group’s attention first on a scene in the second chapter: Was it necessary, Randy asked, the scene of Hona’s ceremonial dressing in preparation to meet the king? Greg Spry noted that the scene included much description, but little action. Greg wondered, what was the scene’s purpose? He also commented that generally the two chapters offered good description but slow development of the plot line, so the reader might lose track of the main conflict. Greg asked, could the narrative could be simplified and thereby sped up? Regarding the first chapter, John Schneller considered that a chapter titled “An Urgent Message” should demonstrate more urgency in the story-telling. Otherwise, he suggested, rename the chapter. Cathy Riddle enjoyed the writing style overall and especially liked the ceremony of dressing Hona. Clayton Gill agreed, saying it reminded him of the ceremonial dressing of a knight before a battle. The build-up to Hona’s presentation before the king added suspense. However, it also meant that Hona’s meeting with the king must be climatic in some way. Jerry Peterson noted that in the first chapter the reader never sees the flying carpet take off or land. Clayton added that there could be more action and danger as the carpet dodged tree trunks and branches, trying to follow a small bird as it flitted through the forest. Jerry also asked about the lunch with Hona’s mother: If Betta’s objections could so easily be over-ridden by Dalmo and Smill, why bother? And, in the second chapter, what was the purpose of Dalmo napping?

Greg Spry shared Chapter Two – “Coup de Main” — from his sci-fi novel Beyond Cloud Nine. Jen Wilcher noted that the chapter included a number of acronyms and other abbreviations, which slowed the action and generated questions for Jen and others in the group. Greg pointed out that the previous chapter – Chapter One — established most of the abbreviations, but acknowledged challenges the reader might face in remembering these high-tech terms in subsequent chapters. Clayton recommended another name for the type of space fighter flown by main character Ria and her comrades. “Leviathan” connoted a massive, ponderous beast, not a small, nimble craft zipping around the moons of Jupiter. “For ‘leviathan’,” he said, “think Moby Dick.” Another question arose about references to a “golf ball” and “fire hydrant.” Would these images be anachronistic in the 24th Century? The group admired Greg’s action sequence treatment of Ria her spacecraft’s artificial intelligence, Bob. They understood Greg’s typographic style in presenting the thoughts of Ria (italics) and Bob (italics set off with “carrots” or greater-than and less-than symbols). The group discussed other points, such as Ria’s heart “hammering” instead of “thumping” and whether extreme flight acceleration would break Ria’s ribs. Amber Boudreau pointed out that G-forces caused Ria to pass out in Chapter One. The group wanted to have Ria worry more about the strange craft that destroyed the enemy then attacked her. Near the chapter’s conclusion, Jerry thought the reference to the applauding “Jovian King” was inconsistent with the story told from main character’s point of view. In any case, planets don’t have hands, so how could they applaud? Ria would have to imagine Jupiter clapping its hands. Also, despite the death and destruction of Ria’s comrades, the chapter concludes on a positive note. Could Greg add a cliff-hanger, perhaps involving the alien attacker or some other threat Ria must face?

Leah Wilbur shared Chapter One of her novel Fog-Gotten which opens with the line: “There’s something about fog that attracts me.” Jerry said, “You’ve got a keeper there!” Leah’s ethereal style of narration and the storyline only a bit visible behind it got the whole group guessing. Although the unnamed main character-narrator has a “girlfriend,” some members were not certain of his gender until, lost in the fog, he bumps into an electric fence. Greg got some sense of the main character but said there was insufficient detail, which tended to keep him at “arm’s length” – too far for Greg to care about him. John wondered how exactly the main character arrived in this alternate universe. Leah explained that the fog caused it. Greg recommended that the special power of the fog be explained quickly. Others agreed, noting that the reader needs some clues about the scientific or magical nature of the fog. Clayton noted the importance of the number three in the story so far. Should Leah be more explicit about the main character’s passion or obsession for fog and the number three? Jerry recommended that Leah compress the amount of time it takes for the main character to get down the mountain. Randy brought up an important detail: If the main character is telling the story, then it is a sort of recollection. He would be unlikely to remember with such precision the foreign language spoken to him. Initially at least, it would sound like gibberish.

John Schneller read from Chapter One of Final Stronghold which opens with a battle on Mount Zi between great creatures — the Guardian and the serpent – while the main character, Kotel, and comrades fly their horses over a nearby mountain ridge and down to the sea to fight the evil of slavery. The chapter moved along with great action, Randy said, but sometimes the action moved too quickly. There was “not enough time” for the reader to absorb what really is going on. He suggested slowing the action just a bit to allow the reader to get to know the full cast of characters. In a similar vein, Greg said he was looking for the main story question in the first chapter, but could not immediately identify it. Kotel’s mission to fight slavery seemed buried in the action and not as important as the action. Randy also wondered whether Kotel could reminisce or allow his mind to wander whilst in the midst of so much action. Randy suggested that John find another way to give the reader the necessary background about Kotel. Jim Barner also commented on the fast pace of the narration, which he suggested John could slow by concentrating on fewer characters and reducing the use of the multiple adjective phrase to the single, best adjective. Clayton wondered whether John could refer to the flying horses as “pegasi” or “pegasae” which could be a regular noun plural for Pegasus-like creatures. John said he had considered that approach, but these horses had been born normal, four-legged creatures which subsequently had been “gifted with wings.” Jen thought John overused the word “gaze.” Clayton asked whether John could clarify the life-or-death choices of the characters at the conclusion of the chapter, so as to boost suspense ahead of the next chapter.

Jerry Peterson presented Chapter Five of Thou Shalt Not Murder, which opens with the engine of the old Volkswagen beetle of the main character, A.J. “Boots” Garrison, conking out on the Alcoa Pike, a treacherous six-lane freeway in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in eastern Tennessee. Greg liked the action of the opening scene, but said there were not enough details for him to get a good picture of what was going on. Clayton wondered why Garrison didn’t try to restart the car or pop the clutch. Greg wondered why the scene was here in the first place. Was the car sabotaged? John thought the story had not developed sufficiently for Garrison to be a threat to any evil-doers and therefore it was unlikely they had sabotaged the car. Amber said she could have used some more details related to flying light planes. There were a lot of short cuts that Garrison’s flight instructor father, “Click” Garrison, used in getting the plane into the air. Clayton agreed, pointing out that flight instructors are among the most safety-conscious of pilots. Also, the “emergency landing” was troubling. The plane engine did not die. Rather, Click simply pulled back the throttle and called for an emergency landing, without giving his daughter any explanation. If it was not a true emergency, then their landing on the highway was illegal. Some group members wondered: Was that Jerry’s purpose? To cast suspicion on Garrison’s father?

Thanks to Amber for this Reading Recap!

Who’s Up Next?
December 28: Kim Simmons (chapters, City in Winter), Holly Bonnicksen-Jones (chapter, Coming Up for Air), Terry Hoffman (chapter 6, The Tome), Leah Wilbur (chapter, Fog-Gotten), Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), and Jen Wilcher (chapter, The Hogoshiro Chronicles). Note: Second-and-Fourth meets at the Sundance Theater & Café in the Hilldale Mall.

January 4: Jim Barner (step sheet or chapter), Chris Maxwell (?), Aaron Boehm (screenplay, Part 4, Hell Cage), Jen Wilcher (chapter, The Hogoshiro Chronicles), Millie Mader (chapter 23, Life on Hold), and Kim Simmons (Chapter 54, City of Summer). Note: First-and-Third returns to Barnes & Noble West.

January 11: Jack Freiburger (chapter, Path to Bray’s Head), Holly Bonnicksen-Jones (chapter, Coming Up for Air), Carol Hornung (chapter, Sapphire Lodge), Dan Hamre (Part 2, “Afterthought”), Terry Hoffman (chapter, The Tome), Aaron Boehm (screenplay, Hell Cage). Note: Second-and-Fourth Returns to Barnes & Noble West.

January 18: Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), Greg Spry (Chapter 3, Beyond Cloud Nine), Linda Meyer (scene, Everything’s Going South), Cathy Riddle (chapter, Beer Crimes), John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold), Jerry Peterson (Chapter 6, Thou Shalt Not Murder).

January 25: Andrea Kirchman (?), Kim Simmons (chapter, City in Winter), Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), Leah Wilbur (chapter, Fog-Gotten), Anne Allen (chapter, Homecoming), and time for one more – if you’re interested, let Carol know (CHornung88@aol.com).

Fifth Tuesday: Vote or Write-In Now!
First-and-Third group hosts our next Fifth Tuesday, March 29, when we return to Booked for Murder. First thing in the New Year, we need to choose the Fifth Tuesday Writing Challenge.

Below, please see some ideas from the last two meetings of the First-and-Third group:

● Write a conversation between you – the author – and your character. For example, “Why did you kill me?” Or, “Why did you stick me with this loser of a boyfriend?”
● Pick your “anti-genre” and write a scene. For example, if you write fantasy, now write realistic fiction. If you write crime stories, so now write romance.
● Write a scene from the other gender’s point of view. Guys, your main character is a woman; gals, your character is a guy.
● Or, men, write a scene for a bodice-ripper; gals, write a scene for a spy thriller or other testosterone-rich story.
● April Fool’s Day comes on the Friday after our Fifth Tuesday, so write the best practical joke, the best lie or deception, or the best surprise ending.
Do you like one of these? If so, e-mail your vote to Clayton Gill. Do it now, please!

If not, maybe you’ve got a “write-in” candidate for the Fifth Tuesday Writing Challenge. If so, let Clayton know ASAP!

First-and-Thirders will pick the March 29 Writing Challenge at their meeting January 4.
After This Party, the Holidays Will Want a Long Winter’s Nap

Saturday, January 8, 2:00 p.m. join fellow TWS members at the home of Jerry Peterson and Marge Smith Peterson (920 Glen Street, Janesville) for their Post-Christmas get-together.

In advance, please do the following: (1) Let Jerry know you’re coming ,;(2) ask fellow TWS writers about carpooling (Clayton Gill, Millie Mader, and Randy Haselow have room for one more); and (3) bring Christmas gift books you’ve already read to the party for barter or banter.

Writers Mail: TWS Newsletter Duty Roster
Questions about editing Writers Mail? Please contact Clayton Gill (clytngll@yahoo.com) for a list of former editors who’ll give you the straight scoop. We’re covered for editors through February, but it’s “help wanted” for March and beyond.

December – Clayton Gill
January – Randy Haselow
February – Cathy Riddle
March – help wanted!
April – get experience now!

And please send this month’s editor (Clayton Gill) what you’d like to share in the last Writers Mail of 2010: What do you consider the most inspiring “writer story” this year?

TWS Alum Blogs for Weekly Reader
Remember The Weekly Reader paper edition from your grade school days? Lee Briggs, a TWS Second-and-Fourth group alumnus, now blogs for Weekly Reader web-integrated media. He’s teaching in Marshfield, WI and gives us this update:

It has been two years now since I moved from New Glarus and the Madison area to Marshfield. I work as a Fifth Grade math and reading teacher, a teacher of technology to Fifth and Sixth Grades, a staff technology coach, and coordinator for gifted and talented students. It is a small school, and I wear a lot of hats. One day I am teaching about dependent clauses, the next how to put together a spreadsheet. I spent one night this fall on the baseball diamond with 50 or so farming families and three telescopes aimed at Jupiter, the Moon, and Andromeda.

I have to say I miss the social interaction of Tuesdays with Story, as there does not seem to be much in the way of writers in this part of Wisconsin. My wife is still in Madison looking for work as a journalist/graphic designer (if you know anyone who’s looking, she’s good and cheap!). We see each other on weekends.

Last fall I applied for and got a position with Weekly Reader, writing about using technology in my classroom for their blog (see “This Is Your Brain on Sugar Plums” at http://wrteacher.wordpress.com/). I find it interesting that I am writing a blog about technology when I pass at least a dozen horse-drawn buggies on my way to work. But life is good, I get to be creative, do what I love, and write about it. It’s not the pulp stuff I usually like to write. But then again, on a weekly basis, I get to gush 300 words about interactive whiteboards and online spelling tools.

From the Wordsmith: Longer Days Limit This Phobia
From A.Word.A.Day with Anu Garg, a noun: “Nyctophobia” pronounced nik-tuh-FOH-bee-uh, meaning “an abnormal fear of night or darkness,” originating in the Greek nycto (night) plus phobia (fear), with its first documented use in 1892.

Here’s how it’s used: “Even if you have nyctophobia you should be able to comfortably sit in a darkened movie theater. Just think of the movie screen as a huge night light.” –Duane Dudek, “Be Very Afraid” in The Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee, WI), July 30, 1999

This editor notes that the victims of vampires begin behaving like nyctophobes, but after the proper bite, they transmogrify to become creatures who love the night and darkness. You guessed it: They develop the condition of nyctophilia (preference for the night or darkness), also known as scotophilia.

For more: http://wordsmith.org/words/today.html.

From Word Spy: For Mystery Writers
From Paul McFedries’ Word Spy comes “aftercrimes,” a noun, describing a pattern of crimes that occurs in the wake of an initial crime.

McFedries’ citation: “This year, the mathematician George Mohler showed that what holds for earthquakes also holds true for crime: Not only does an initial crime beget future offenses, but these ‘aftercrimes’ also tend to occur according to a predictable distribution in time and space.”
–Clay Risen, “Aftercrimes” in The New York Times Magazine, December 19, 2010

Here’s another: “Civilogue,” a noun defined as “a civil dialogue, particularly one in which the participants avoid insults, personal attacks, and negative generalizations.” In other words, political discourse of a quality that is quite a rarity these days.

For more: http://www.wordspy.com/The Last Word: First Things First
Poking about for a parting shot for this issue of Writers Mail, this editor took a look at the online edition of Familiar Quotations by John Bartlett (1820-1905), searching for the term “writing.” Duh! One of many results was this gem from the essay “Of Studies” by Francis Bacon (1561–1626): “Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man.”

You’ll notice Bacon didn’t mention “editing.” Moreover, a search for the term “editing” in Bartlett’s book will generate the following search result: “No documents match the query.”

So there’s our rule-of-thumb: Write first, then edit.