Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail for November 27, 2010
by Jen Wilcher

2nd & 4th gathered in the cafe for caffeine, critiquing, and fun…
First up, Terry Hoffman read chapter five from The Tome. Kim thought Doug reacted to the situation with a lot of full, complete sentences. Shorted sentences might be good. Rachel was a little too cool about the whole thing. She’s pretty sure she can explain it to him, and has been thinking about it. Carol was uncomfortable with the whole idea that Doug couldn’t see the book work. And Rachel knows about what Tara said to Doug – she has proof the book works in her head – there’s no way she’d even know about Tara otherwise. Annie jumped in, thinking Rachel deliberately chose not to tell Doug about Tara.

Randy Haslow read from Hona and the Dragon. Kim thought the use of Mr and Mrs might be out of place in this style of fantasy setting. Anne pointed out that “Not to worry” is also modern slang. Holly thought it would be fun to describe more of Smill’s shape-shifting. Dan (and some of the rest of us) didn’t know what a “finned hoof” was. Carol liked the scene with the dragon. He’s an interesting, solid character. Also, capitalize titles like Emperor, My Lady, and Lord.

Anne Allen brought in Chapter 20 of Homecoming. Holly thought some of the dialog could be shortened a bit. Jack felt there needed to be more of an introduction to the scene with Matt and Kevin. Nothing fancy, he just needs to walk into that room. We also discussed the difference between a warrant and a subpoena. (and I didn’t make a note of what they were. Sorry!). Need to get those from a judge.

Jack Frieburger reworked his chapter, “Pictures at an Exposition” from Path to Bray’s Head. Carol liked the shift in tone from beginning to when Sean asks what’s the point and Lester launches on him. Also liked the way Lester bookends the chapter by talking about Billy the pony. Anne pointed out that the sentence about Agnes needs to move in front of her dialog, after the sentence about Lester, otherwise it seems like Lester is the one talking, not Agnes. Holly wanted more clarity on what Sean is getting from Lester, as it seems like we’re not quite able to articulate it, either. Annie thought the emotions came through well, and felt very embarrassed for Sean.

Holly Bonnicksen-Jones brought in the troublesome art scene chapter from Coming Up for Air. Kim and Annie are starting to not like Liza. Carol liked the way every time Liza tried to say something positive, David would put a negative spin on it. Jack thinks they’re still moving around too much. Terry said the word “stairs” was used quite a lot. Also, “you have that in-love look” doesn’t sound like something a male would say. Dan, a male, helpfully chimed in with, “he’d probably say she looked smitten.” Kim thought Liza should brag more about Nick’s character, who he is, not what he has, while Dan said, “nah, it’s all about sex.”

Kim Simmons read from City in Winter. Anne needed a little more description of who was in the scenes. Carol was a bit confused with all the names starting with “R.” We also had a significant discussion of what’s important in fantasy in general. As readers, we’d like to know more about the world. What is the specific setting, who has magic, what are the rules governing that magic, what are the strengths and weaknesses of that magic. Doesn’t have to be told, it can be shown. What makes this fantasy story different from other fantasy stories? Many use the basic Tolkien model, and that’s ok, but parameters still need to be set. We have shape shifters here – who can shift, and when? Pohl Anderson’s Xanth series was pointed out – in his fantasy land (mirrored on the state of Florida), every character is born with ONE magical ability. His main character doesn’t appear to have a magical ability – until the end of the first book, when it’s discovered that his magical ability is the ability to resist magic! Anderson got a good 20+ novels out of that story. Fantasy is tough to write, since the entire world needs to not only be created in the head of the writer, it needs to be translated into the head and heart of the reader. There are good elements to the story, but we need more to become totally immersed in it.

Who’s up next . . .
November 30: Fifth Tuesday at Kim Simmons’s house.

December 7
Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby)
Justin Schober (chapter 1/part 2, sci-fi novel)
Jen Wilcher (chapter)
Amber Boudreau (chapter 17, young adult novel)
Judith McNeil (???)
Cathy Riddle (chapter, Beer Crimes).

December 14th
Kim Simmons, City in Winter
Jen Wilcher
Carol Hornung, Sapphire Lodge
Anne Allen, Homecoming
Jack Frieburger, Path to Bray’s Head
Annie Potter, memoir
Standby – Dan Hamre, “Afterthought.”

December 21
Randy Haslow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon)
Greg Spry (chapter 2, Beyond Cloud Nine)
Jen Wilcher (chapter)
John Schneller (chapter, Final Stronghold)
Justin Schober (chapter, sci-fi novel)
Jerry Peterson (chapter 5, Thou Shalt Not Murder).

December 28th
Kim Simmons
Holly Bonnicksen-Jones
Terry Hoffman
Leah
Randy Haselow
Jen Wilcher

Last Word: Clayton Gill will be taking over the newsletter for December.