Tuesdays with Story

Writer’s Mail for October 7, 2010
by Pat Edwards

“The artist doesn’t have time to listen to the critics. The ones who want to be writers read the reviews, the ones who want to write don’t have the time to read reviews.” William Faulkner (via Michael A. Simpson)

Reading Recap: October 5 at the B&N
Ten First-and-Third members met at Barnes & Nobel West at 7:00 p.m. to hear six colleagues reading their recent work.

Jen Wilcher read the introduction to Chapter 1 called “Hibiki’s Point of View” from her as-yet unnamed novel. Jen’s story takes place in a fictional hogoshiro or “protection castle” of feudal Japan. Characters include the protagonist, the girl Hibiki, and Rin, a mythical, fox-like kitsune who is 299 years old. Pat Edwards praised Jen’s depth of characterization established so quickly in this opening chapter. Pat said the story was very interesting and she wanted to read more. So, she recommended that Jen “write on” rather than re-write again. In regard to Hibiki’s emotions, Elijah Meeker suggested Jen could employ the “anime effect,” such that Hibiki’s actions would more directly relate to her speech in dialogue. This effect would demonstrate specific emotions in the dialogue, rather than in narration. Pat praised Jen’s depth of characterization. Clayton Gill suggested that Jen maintain consistency in her use verb tenses. He thought it was important for two reasons: For the reader to know whether the story was a “real-time” description (present tense) or a recollection (past tense), and for Jen during the writing because the tense – present or past – also could influence her vision and imagination in telling the story.

Greg Spry brought us the prologue of his science fiction novel Beyond Cloud Nine. Jerry Peterson warned that many readers – himself included – probably would skip the prologue. Jerry recommended making the prologue the first chapter. Also, in one instance of the main character’s thought shown in italics, Jerry pointed out that any such thought question would not need the attribution “she wondered” which would be redundant. Clayton noted that the prologue or opening chapter used third-person narration, whereas the next chapter would be narration from the main character’s point of view. Would subsequent chapters use first-person narration? Greg replied no, that the whole novel would use third person narration, which Jerry agreed should not be a problem for the reader. Elijah commented on the challenge of “language in transit,” especially when the novel tries to forecast English in the 24th Century. Greg could identify his colloquialisms of the present day – especially in dialogue — and invent some new ones for his novel’s future time. Along these lines, Pat liked Greg’s very human characters but suggested that he make their forms of address more futuristic or related to careers of the future (e.g., “Space Commander Davis” for “Ms. Davis”).

Pat Edwards read three poems, the first of which – “The Last Time I Hit a Person” – generated much comment among Tuesdays members. The poem opens with the question “Would you believe…?” and closes with a question “Do you believe…?” In between the questions, there is the action of the poet (presumably a woman) in bed who strikes a man who strikes back and knocks her off the bed. Elijah suggested that the poem’s early tone is too light for the subject of domestic violence, noting the short, catchy line length. Clayton suggested that the short line length succeeded in producing “freeze-frame shots” of the action, while the longer lines show thought and analysis of the action. Judith McNeil appreciated the poet’s literal questions about perception, story telling, and memory. Commenting on the second poem – “Too Much Gravity” – Elijah admired the concept that we all inherit adaptations to gravity. But he worried that the narrator’s presence in the central stanzas “gets in the way of the poem.” Clayton asked the group, “Is there any a single word that is a synonym of ‘gravity’?” No one came up with a one-word synonym, which is one thing that adds to the beauty of this poem. Several members commented on exquisite images, such as “DNA trickles down” and “the marionette gene.” Pat’s third poem – “Window Cube” – also garnered praise from the group. Elijah noted that the poem works very well, despite the “lists of things,” which other poets have not used so effectively. Members noted the powerful contrast of the poet’s prosaic work cubicle and her recollection of other peoples’ office space burned out and exposed to the elements and the view of strangers.

Clayton Gill read from Chapter 14 of his juvenile adventure novel Fishing Derby, focusing on a passage at the beginning of the chapter which describes the attack of frankenfish protestors on the Zooper Aqua pontoon boat. The young protagonist Miker, the boat’s pilot, freezes in fright during the attack as he remembers an incident from his past. Then a command from another character – “Mind the boat, Miker” — calls the boy back to the present. Clayton asked the group, “Does this passage work?” There was general agreement that the flashback and “call back” succeeded. However, Greg wondered whether an attack with paintballs, bottle rockets, and cherry bombs could be sufficiently threatening or dangerous to warrant life-or-death, action-thriller narrative. Also, he recommended that the reader be reminded every now then about the purpose of the current adventure and the role or personalities of the other characters. Jerry and Pat noted that it should not be necessary to remind readers of solid details from the previous chapter (e.g., the “bass boat” as a small, high-powered, two-place boat).

Randy Haselow brought us Chapter 8 “First Lesson” from his fantasy novel Hona and the Dragon. The passage he read included a description of magic at work, which Pat found very welcome and informative. “Usually,” she said, “magic just happens. Now I get to see how it works.” Greg said he appreciated the “magical structure” in place, including reliable rules of magic as well as limits to magic as there are for the laws of nature. Several members agreed that the character of the dragon, Lord Firebreath was particularly appealing – commanding, perhaps overbearing, but also matter-of-fact and honest. Greg asked, “What is the dragon’s motivation to help or teach Hona?” Jerry suggested that Hona’s sidekick, the shape-shifting Smill, should have “more detail.” For example, are there any limits or pitfalls in Smill’s capacity to change from one small creature to another? Jen commented on the use of the term “clockwise.” Would clocks exist in Hona’s feudal, agrarian society? Members praised Randy’s storytelling technique, which presented a good balance of action and character development.

Chris Maxwell presented an untitled single page of a powerful, disturbing story of domestic violence. Pat suggested it would make excellent “flash fiction,” with the whole story confined to that page (probably 300-500 words). Elijah noted the effective “suspended sense of time” as Alison, the pregnant main character, experiences a beating from her husband Jim and then recalls an earlier beating which resulted in a miscarriage. A couple of members wondered whether it was in character for Alison to antagonize Jim, considering his propensity for violence. Others accepted her talking back as the “frustration of the doomed.” Elijah suggested that Alison knows what not to do, but cannot find a way to do what she must do. Jerry encouraged Chris to avoid stereotyping both the victimized main character and her beer-swilling, bruiser husband. “There already are hundreds of such characters in fiction. Most of them live in trailer parks.” Greg noted that the story starts with Jim, but if the main character is Alison, Chris might consider starting with her. Toward the close of our meeting, Chris disclosed a title she was considering: “The Second Child,” which the group liked very much.

Join our Focus Group
Alicia received a call for focus group members from The Writer Magazine, here in Wisconsin.

Would you like to help make The Writer magazine even better? We’re looking for a small group of volunteers to join us at our Waukesha offices for a focus-group discussion of the magazine, its content and design, and our website, WriterMag.com. Tell us what we’re doing right and where we can improve. Here is your chance to help determine what we’ll cover in future issues.

Our focus group will be held on Saturday, Nov. 13, from 9 a.m. to noon. We’ll provide beverages and pastries, and you’ll get to meet The Writer staff and tour our facilities at Kalmbach Publishing Company. What will we ask of participants? Just that you bring a willingness to share your ideas and opinions. The only required “homework” will be to familiarize yourself with two recent issues of The Writer, which will be sent to participants beforehand.

Here’s the link, for more information: Focus Group

Have I read that?
I consider myself to be an avid reader. I read average two books, plus several pages of poetry a week. Sometimes, though, I forget if I’ve read something, check it out of the library, only to get ten pages in and realize I know what’s going to happen because I’ve read the book before! Also, friends frequently ask me for recommendations, but I can usually remember only the most recent good books I’ve read.

Since the public librarians are such excellent protectors of our privacy, they won’t even give me a list of what I’ve read. Some of these websites offer a solution.

Good Reads http://www.goodreads.com/ lets you list books you’ve read, review them, list books you plan to read, and add books to theme lists like, Best Environmental Books, Worst Books of All Time, Character You Most Want to Sleep With, Best Time-travel Romances, and more. Many authors are members, and you can easily find lists of their entire oeuvre. Based in Seattle, Shelfari http://www.shelfari.com/ introduces readers to a global community of book lovers and encourages them to share their literary inclinations and passions by building a virtual bookshelf and blog. Chain Reading http://www.chainreading.com/ bills itself as a service for people “addicted to reading,” offers most of the same functions, and will soon have a blog for readers’ discussions.

Book Crossing http://www.bookcrossing.com/ takes book tracking one step further. BookCrossing lets you give a book a unique identity, pass it on, and watch it pass through the hands of people all over the world. The Library Thing http://www.librarything.com/ helps you catalog your books and access your catalog from anywhere—even on your mobile phone. Library Thing also provides a “local” group through which readers can connect to like-read neighbors.

Some Killer Shop Talk!
Friday evening, come on over to Booked for Murder, our independent mystery bookstore here in Madison, and have pizza and beer with mystery writers from around the Midwest. After the repast, John Galligan will talk with the group about the business of writing. He’s one of our local masters with four novels out in his fly-fishing mystery series. John teaches creative writing at MATC. If you can come, send Jerry Peterson, a note so the group has enough pizza for you.

And on Saturday come back to Booked for Murder for Legends of the Fall, a series of author presentations at the store. Check Booked for Murder’s website for the schedule of who will be presenting and when.

Keeping up with our friends
Judith McNeil, aka “Jay” has released a CD of narrated stories and songs called “Flick My Ear Again”-Vol 1 is at CD Baby http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/jaymcneil2

Juliette Crane, a first-and-third group alumnae, has a new email address, and here’s where you can find her elsewhere on the web:
website: http://juliettecrane.com
blog: http://juliettecrane.blogspot.com
etsy shop: http://juliettecrane.etsy.com
twitter: http://twitter.com/juliettecrane
facebook: http://facebook.com/juliettetcrane

Who’s up next?
October 12: Anne Allen (???), Annie Potter (memoir), Holly Bonnicksen-Jones (chapter, Coming Up For Air), Carol Hornung (scene, Sapphire Lodge), Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), Jen Wilcher (???), and Kim Simmons (chapter, City of Winter).
October 19: Kim Simmons (chapter, City of Summer), Millie Mader (chapter, Life on Hold), Jen Wilcher (chapter), Cathy Riddle (chapter 7, Beer Crimes), Justin Schober (???), and Jerry Peterson (chapters 2&3, Thou Shalt Not Murder).
October 26: Terry Hoffman (The Journal), Holly Bonnicksen-Jones (Coming Up For Air), Jack Freiburger (Path To Bray’s Head), Dan Hamre, ?, (room for 2 more!)

November 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter 16, YA novel), John Schneller (chapter 2, Final Stronghold), Greg Spry (chapter, Beyond Cloud Nine), Randy Haselow (chapter, Hona and the Dragon), Jen Wilcher (???), and Judith McNeil (???).
November 16: Greg Spry (chapter, Beyond Cloud Nine), Pat Edwards (poems), and Chris Maxwell (rewrite, short story).

Planning ahead. . .
All groups that meet at Barnes & Noble Westside go elsewhere in December because that’s the store’s big sales month. The tables around which we gather will be stacked high with books. So for first-and-third group, Millie Mader has booked the group into the Alicia Ashman Branch Library. That’s December 7 and 21. The library is in the shopping center at Old Sauk Road and High Point, about 10 minutes away from B&N.

The Last Word
“No, it’s not a very good story – its author was too busy listening to other voices to listen as closely as he should have to the one coming from inside.” – Stephen King