Tuesdays with Story
WRITER’S MAIL for September 23, 2011
“The writer who possesses the creative gift owns something of which he is not always master- something that at time strangely wills and works for itself.” - Charlotte Bronte
Tuesday Night at BN
Aaron Boehm, on “Hell Cage pt11″:
Several people liked the vision of Hell created here. Script did a good job of really painting that scene there. People suggested that there be more action to break up a lot of the dialogue, as it gets to be a bit of a monologue. There was some discussion as to what drug would be best for him killing himself to get to Hell. Some suggested heroin, and Jen suggested DMT. Greg wanted a little bit more about the “rules” of the demons mind erasing powers, or an explanation of why he just doesn’t erase himself from everyone’s mind.”
Jerry Peterson on chapters 15 and 16 of his mystery, Thou Shalt Not Murder:
Loved the trial, but too much airplane stuff in the other parts of the chapters. But even the trial had its problems, Barb Sorensen said. “The note in which Mrs. McCoskey said her husband had beaten her has to be treated as hearsay and not admissible.” Millie Mader said the sentence of three years community service Mrs. McCoskey got was too light for the crime. “In the Texas crime on which your crime and trial are based, the woman got a really severe sentence,” she said.
Greg Spry on chapter 11 of Beyond Cloud Nine:
The piece was written with good voice and language. The group felt the early talk about Saturn was a data dump that could be worked in better by having Brooke explain all about it to a new recruit. The newbie could be afraid to walk on the viewports on the floor of the ship, and Brooke could say, “Yeah, they used to scare me, too.” Strike “auto-“ from “auto-detonated.” Instead of having Brooke float up from her seat, just make her lighter since it’s low, not zero, gravity on the spacecraft carrier. It works better that way if she’s standing at attention. But if she’s still going to float, perhaps she could anchor her feet down below somewhere? Make sure to have Brooke experience some pain while getting uses to zero-g again. Finally, remove “as he” from the second sentence of the piece, which was a typo that confused some people.
Who’s Up Next? (more…)