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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , on April 3, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays With Story Newsletter
Fourth Week of March

Four of us gathered Tuesday night for a lively round of critiques.

We started with Rebecca Rettenmund’s The Cheese Logue, Chapter 22. Andy liked the piece but felt it ran a little long and could have been a little more playful, especially with the kid. He thought the interactions were a bit repetitive, but Jen thought they worked together well. Carol really liked the character development involving Isaiah and the Halloween party. There were also a few technical things, verb tenses that didn’t match, and some homonyms to be corrected. Rebecca asked if the idea of a one-year story structure worked, and we all said “yes.”

Andy Pfeiffer read a scene from People. The way he read the scene out loud was funny, but the wording of the scene itself didn’t come off as funny. Might need the main character to find the situation funny so the reader follows along. Jen was concerned about the character of Brenna. Hard to know what’s really going on with Liam, and the director needs some one-on-one time with her to develop the relationship. Watch out for the harassment, too – unless someone is particularly valuable a company won’t try to correct behavior, they’ll just cut him lose to protect themselves. Carol wanted to see Spaulding with some incredible talent that makes him valuable. Rebecca thought Brenna should be above all the foolishness.

Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. Andy suggested more physical descriptions of the characters. Rebecca really liked the idea that the ghost had some power over others – but don’t let Olivia slip back into bitchiness after the ghost influenced her behavior. Also, put the two comments of the different kinds of flooring together for contrast. Makes more sense. And the description of the name tags on the door read a bit awkward. Otherwise, the scene worked well.

Who’s Up Next:
April 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter, Noble), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter, The Cheese Logue), Michelle Nightoak (chapter, memoir), Andy Pfeiffer (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), and Alicia Connolly Lohr (chapters 3-4, Lincoln’s Other War). (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on March 22, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays with Story Newsletter
Third Week of March

Notes 3-19-13
Nine of us gathered Tuesday for the first time in 4four weeks since no weather could stop us!

Lisa starts us off with the beginning of Chapter ten of her novel, Follow the Yellow. Jerry tells us she can take out all the foul language. Jen disagrees; it should stay if it’s part of a person’s character But Jerry wonders, why offend your readers? Pat suggests a salty character isn’t bad to have and enjoyed the two chapters, saying they read fast and the dialogue was good. Rebecca thought the protagonist’s actions were out of character when he got in a hot tub naked. Jerry wants to know where the beer comes from in a scene on the phone. Pat enjoys the asides.

Millie shares chapter forty-two of Life on Hold, telling us she received a scathing review from Andy, who explained that he has missed a lot of the story and did not mean to offend. Lisa and Rebecca don’t understand why it’s strange for one character to show up at the end of the chapter. Andy suggests Millie elaborate. Jen had a question about characters popping up out of nowhere. Millie tells Aaron she tried not to have too many telephone calls back and forth.

Rebecca shares Chapter eighteen of her Cheese Logue. Amber likes the limerick. Lisa liked the chapter a lot, she had a hard time connecting some parts, but she really liked it. Pat enjoyed the stream of consciousness and back and forth. As long as each section stands on its own, it works for her. Lisa forgot who a character was when he appeared at the beginning of the chapter.

Amber shares Chapter nine of her YA novel. Pat had to look up a word! Gazeteer. Note to Amber, look up St. Martha (And St. George.) Andy wonders why Zephyr only hisses when he says yes. Jen wonders if Zephyr should have “claws” instead of “hands”. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , on March 17, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays With Story Writer’s Mail
Second Week of March

Nine people gathered at Barnes and Nobles on another snowy Tuesday evening.

Jack read from Jesus at the IHOP
David said the tone seemed dark. Andy said it seemed heavy, lots of information. David liked that Jesus referred to Paul as “the little guy. ” Katelin was confused about time – how much time has passed since Paul and Peter died?

Rebecca read from The Cheese Logue chapter 21
Jack suggested technical improvements. Describe the razor with a different adjective other than “sharp.” Introduce who’s talking when mom says “so… I was raised on a dairy farm” at the end – so many characters in this scene make it complicated to follow. When narrator says “on second thought I should talk,” make that inner monologue because the conflict is within the narrator instead of between the characters. In the section just before entering the apartment, “separated” is weird word and “parted” could be better. Show more about you are distraught when you come in. Andy said take out that paragraph and rework it from the beginning because it’s telling and abrupt, show the falling leaves more. Work on transitions, use a single transition instead of two abrupt ones here. David said the dialogue reads like a play script, seems to break up the flow. Look at pace of conversation. Jen wants some description of body language when the narrator yells at mom to stop. Andy wanted more substance in the section. David found the informative parts interesting. Possibly trim it down. Add more general scene building, more visual description so the reader can see what is happening clearly.

Bill – Short Story “Morning Light”
Jack pointed out lots of telling and the repetition of character’s name “Jack.” Give us the feeling of the place, show us what we are seeing, more sense of place. Show the conversation at the desk where he hears about Susan. Lots of missing information. Jen suggested to make thoughts italics, for example “Just don’t let it rain.” Jen thinks Celtic refers to a group of languages not a single language. Which Celtic language? Check into it, Celtic is a weak word. David pointed out that the shopkeeper spoke English and then the description says his group only speaks Celtic. There are often signs in celtic languages, maybe add some. Jack said the character has incredible eyesight if he knows brand of cigarette from far away. Jack wants more emotion from the character. Reiterate motivation for why he keeps going, why he spends so much money, and what the stakes and mission are. Rebecca wondered if he would really stub his toe so many times?

Jen – Work Drama
Rebecca thought that, since Jen works with this drama king and hears all these stories from him often, why would she expect to have a boring day? Add a transition, set the scene. David said the reader can pick out the irony about screaming “I don’t have an attitude,” so take out the statement, or make it a reply. Might be better as a snarky reply because we want more action in this short scene. Rebecca thought the potato salad part could be amped up with humor. Andy didn’t get frustrated with drama king as much as the narrator, and suggested showing every annoying thing he does to help the reader experience it too. More action and place. Show him keep going back to the phones. David suggested playing on the phrase “half full” verses “half empty.” Two cell phones on meat saw does not seem hygienic or safe for the phone. Give us more on that, dwell on it more. Show us what he did when you helped a customer, how is he with customer. Edit and bring back! (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged on March 8, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
First Week of March
by Jen Wilcher

March 5, 2013
Due to the horrific weather, nobody met at Barnes & Noble.

Who’s up next . . .
March 12: Andy Pheiffer (chapter rewrite, People), Rebecca Rettemund (chapter 21, The Cheese Logue), David Mayer (chapter, Time Traveler’s Definitive Guide, Vol 2), Bill Eisigner (short story), Jen Wilcher (“Work Drama”), and Jack Frieburger (chapter, Jesus at the IHOP).

March 19: Lisa McDougal (chapter 10-11, Follow the Yellow), Millie Mader (chapter 42, Life on Hold), Pat Edwards (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), Aaron Boehm (film script/part 4, “Whole Again”), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 4-5, The Last Good Man).
Alternates: If Pat is not ready, Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 18, The Cheese Logue).
If Clayton is not ready, Amber Boudreau (chapter 9, Noble)

March 26: Carol Hornung (scene, Ghost of Heffron College), and Terry Hoffman (chapter, The Great Tome). Room for five more.

April 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter, Noble), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter, The Cheese Logue), Michelle Nightoak (chapter, memoir), Andy Pfeiffer (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), and Alicia Connolly Lohr (chapters 3-4, Lincoln’s Other War)

What role should libraries have in an electronic world? . . .
Good question. Here are YA author and blogger Nathan Bransford’s thoughts:

Children’s book author Terry Deary stired up some controversy last month when he said libraries have “had their day” but no longer make sense in today’s world. He cites the lack of compensation for authors and damage to bookstores, who have to compete with an institution giving away the book for free:
“People have to make the choice to buy books. People will happily buy a cinema ticket to see Roald Dahl’s Matilda, and expect to get the book for free. It doesn’t make sense.”
Deary may have staked out a particularly anti-library position, but he’s hardly the only person within the publishing industry who is grappling with the role of libraries in publishing economics in an electronic world. Penguin was among other publishers who pulled their e-books from libraries before restoring them with a new program. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on March 1, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
2/27/2013

Notes from 2/26/13 Meeting
Due to the horrific weather, only Andy, Katelin, and Jen attended. Jen opted to withhold her piece until a later meeting when more people could discuss it.

Katelin’s submission to Larry Brooks of StoryFix.com, The Battle of Sista was discussed and approved. Jen suggested rephrasing the “External Conflict” from Cassie’s point of view, as opposed to Traiken, to retain consistency. Andy suggested varying the protagonists and having conflict between them to create a more interesting story, which Katelin said she would be doing. Katelin disclosed that the story would be in third-person and the perspective would change between various characters’ heads.

Andy’s prologue and chapter one of People was perceived as difficult to read due to Blaze’s vehement hatred of everybody; Katelin compared him to Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. It was suggested by both Katelin and Jen to depict college-age Blaze as someone frustrated with society, as opposed to outright hating it, and during college and afterward for his hatred to be fueled by the ignorance and hate of those around him. Minor fixes and the larger plot were discussed, but will be kept secret until a future meeting. Andy will be retinkering the first chapter and intends to share in two weeks’ time.
Thanks to Andy for the notes
(more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on February 12, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
February 6, 2013

Notes from 2/5/2013
A new person, Andy, joined us for the evening!

Lisa starts us off with a rewrite of a chapter nine from Follow the Yellow. Pat thought the dialogue was more realistic and the blocking better during the fight that takes place. Pat wonders if another character would be as flirtatious if she had been raped. Jen thinks Lisa is adding the rape to help explain another characters’ over protectiveness. Around the table, we decide the rape doesn’t really add anything to the character. Jerry has a question about a couple of terms the cop and the construction worker use with one another. Jen had some issues with page three and four and POV.

Clayton shares Chapter eighteen of Fishing Derby. Clayton wonders if Miker does a little too much star-gazing—the group thinks so. Pat suggests putting a lot of the exposition into dialogue amongst the group at the table; if they’re kids then there should be more monkeyshines going on. We discuss the age of the kids and what kind of things might be happening around those times in school. Pat wonders if Clayton should establish a little more backstory on how his main character knows what he does. Jerry wants to see an aloof clocktower.

Amber shares Chapter seven of Noble. Pat likes the eating of the rocks. Lisa wondered how big a one-ton dragon would be. And other great comments I’m not fast enough to type. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on August 26, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail – August 7th, 2012

Tuesday the 7th at Barnes and Noble

Bob joins the group for the evening.
Lisa shares a part of Chapter Four of Follow the Yellow. She explains to the group that the section she reads is an add-on. Rebecca thought it could be tighter. Millie didn’t think it was too long. Pam found the section a little forced and a bit confusing. Bob had a comment about the discussion of political-correctness – he thought it deepened the connection between the characters in a good way. Jerry thought the characters would address the situation of the seizure instead of having a conversation. Andy suggested one character might show a bit more apprehension. Jen wondered what his physical reaction would be. Aaron had a problem with how two characters talk over another. Bottom line, the character has to react to what’s going on.
Pam shares part four of her screenplay Beyond the Shadow of a Doubt. Lisa reminds Pam she forgot her exterior when she went to the hallway. Jerry got why she threw the pill out but wondered why she had to bother to throw it away in the first place. Rebecca thought it would be harder to get the job the character falls into. Jerry thinks the character should be subject to some kind of background check. He also didn’t think they would have this kind of intimate conversation in a public restroom. Rebecca and Lisa really liked the montage. Jerry wanted to see the growth of the main character at work. Rebecca imagined a swinging door would be hazardous in a senior center.
Rebecca shares Chapter Ten of The Cheese Logue. Millie really liked it. Lisa thought she should chuck the last line. Pam loved Rebecca’s comparison of another character to a cheese curd. Jerry pointed out that the last line was past tense. Lisa thought the chatter in the cheese shop could be tightened up. Pam suggested changing the formula for each chapter to avoid redundancy.
Aaron shares part three of his screenplay Stealing From Yourself. Lisa liked it. Pam thought the customer could have been a little more annoying, which would give more emphasis to the character quitting. Jerry points out that Aaron has a favorite verb; grab. Pam suggests double-checking names and places, since, given the nature of the story, they’re so similar. Andy wanted to know how the characters got such an important piece of information and comes up with a line Aaron totally intends to steal and use. Millie felt the reluctance of one character.
Jerry shares Chapter Seven and Eight of Thou Shalt Not Murder. Lisa and Pam think the Marvin Gaye song mentioned goes by another title. Lisa found two names that might actually remind readers of other people in real life. She was also a little disappointed that they weren’t dealing with the trial in these two chapters, but Jerry tells us that’s why it’s a crime novel and not a courtroom thriller. Millie liked the language and writing style. Bob thought the language supports the small time quality of life, depicted in the story very well.

Who’s Up for Next Time?
August 14: Rebecca Rettenmund (outline for The Cheese Logue), Terry Hoffman (chapter, The Great Tome), Kat Wagner (chapter, Revolution), and Jen Wilcher (chapter, The Hogoshiro Chronicles).

August 21: Elisha McCabe (draft, Recycle), Andy Brown (chapter 2, Lo’s Quarter), Millie Mader (chapter 37, Life on Hold), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 11, The Cheese Logue), Aaron Boehm (film script, part 4, “Stealing from Yourself”), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 9-11, Rage).

September 4: LIAM WILBUR (???), ELISHA MCCABE (???), JUDITH MCNEIL (SHORT STORY PART 3, “THE MAN WITH THE BROKEN HEART”), LISA MCDOUGAL (CHAPTER 4, FOLLOW THE YELLOW/BEN AND KRISTA), PAM GABRIEL (FILM SCRIPT, PART 5, “BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT”), AND JERRY PETERSON (CHAPTER 12-14, RAGE).

TWS ALUM COMING BACK . . .
TWS alum Teresa Hayden, now living in Seattle, will be back in Madison in October, to visit friends and us. She will stop in on second-and-fourth group on October 9, even sending a piece ahead of time for critiquing that evening.

WRITERS MAIL EDITORS . . .
Andy Brown, is our editor this month. In September, it’s Clayton Gill.

WHAT’S IN A NAME? . . .
Says on of the friends of Booked for Murder, quite a lot. He provided this example which Sara Barnes ran in her store’s newsletter . . . Elizabeth: Elisa, Eliza, Lillibet (God Save The Queen), Lisa, Liz, Liza, Lizzie, Bess, Bessie, Beth, Betsy, Bette, Betty, and Bitsy.

WE’RE MOVING FROM A WORLD OF GATEKEEPERS TO A WORLD OF INFLUENCERS . . .
Nathan Bransford is one of our more thoughtful bloggers in the world of books and publishing. He was a literary agents. Now he writes books for young adults. http://blog.nathanbransford.com/
Here’s one of his recent posts.

THE BARBARIANS HAVE ALREADY DEMOLISHED THE GATES.
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO MAKE A MOVIE CAN UPLOAD IT TO YOUTUBE. YOU DON’T NEED A MOVIE STUDIO.
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO RECORD AN ALBUM CAN GET IT IN ITUNES. YOU DON’T NEED A RECORD LABEL.
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE A JOURNALIST CAN START A BLOG. YOU DON’T NEED A NEWSPAPER.
AND, OF COURSE, ANYONE WHO WANTS TO WRITE A BOOK CAN SELF-PUBLISH IT. YOU DON’T NEED A PUBLISHER.
WE USED TO LIVE IN A WORLD OF FUNNELS THAT WERE DRIVEN BY PHYSICAL CONSTRAINTS. THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY BOOKS THAT CAN PHYSICALLY FIT IN A BOOKSTORE, THEREFORE IT ONLY MADE ECONOMIC SENSE FOR A CERTAIN NUMBER OF BOOKS TO BE PUBLISHED A YEAR, THEREFORE THERE WAS A WINNOWING PROCESS THAT INVOLVED A HUGE AMOUNT OF HOOP-JUMPING AND ELIMINATION.
THERE IS NO LIMIT TO THE NUMBER OF BOOKS THAT CAN BE FOR SALE ONLINE. NOW THE ONLY WINNOWING PROCESS HAPPENS WHEN READERS THEMSELVES DECIDE WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO READ FROM ALMOST INFINITE CHOICE.
THERE ARE FEW GATES LEFT ANYMORE, BUT THERE ARE STILL INFLUENCERS, PEOPLE WHO CAN PERSUADE OTHERS TO BUY A BOOK OR CONSUME A MOVIE OR LISTEN TO MUSIC.
Read the entire post at http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2012/08/were-moving-from-world-of-gatekeepers.html

Great words . . .
From Word Spy Paul McFedries:
Skype sleep
verb . To create a Skype connection with a faraway partner and then fall asleep together.
– Skype sleeping pp.

Example Citations:
Kaj Hasselriis brings us the sweet story of a couple who “Skype Sleep”, that is keeping their laptops on all night and falling asleep together on Skype. – Nora Young, “Spark 161”, CBC Radio, November 6, 2011
Another tip for Skype-sleeping would to leave a night light or a bedside lamp on so you don’t appear as a black block on the screen.
– “Looking at You Looking at Me,” Glimmerbomb, February 28, 2012

EARLIEST CITATION:
SKYPE SLEEP
GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOUR LAPTOP OPEN NEXT TO YOUR PILLOW AND RUNNING SKYPE AND WATCHING YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND, WHO IS DOING THE SAME.
– “SKYPE SLEEP,” URBAN DICTIONARY, OCTOBER 8, 2010

NOTES: MANY THANKS TO THE FABULOUS KAREN H. FOR SPYING THIS TERM.
THE MORE GENERAL PRACTICE OF LEAVING A SKYPE CONNECTION OPEN IS KNOWN AS AMBIENT SKYPE:
For the first time in my life I used a Skype video call with my wife today as an ambient backdrop to life, rather than just as tool for having a conversation. I’d always wanted to try it, ever since hearing my friend and colleague Dave Newbold mention, in a presentation he was giving a couple of years ago about the near future for technology and social interaction, something he’d heard described as ‘ambient Skype’, whereby people leave a voice client running in the background while they are away from home as a way of being almost-there.
– Roo Reynolds, “Ambient Skype,” Roo Reynolds – What’s Next?, March 12, 2008

That’s about all for the week, folks.
For anyone looking to pursue writing outside of their own personal projects, I thought I’d mention that this past week I stumbled upon a freelance writing index online for opportunities to write at www.freelancewritinggigs.com. I’m sure a number of Tuesdays have already encountered the site, but for those who haven’t, it’s well worth checking out.

Additionally, for anyone interested in some less traditional and mainstream writing mediums, my dad’s published a free roleplaying game rule system. It’s interesting to see where the creativity and effort of writing can be directed when combined with rules and systems like this one. Check it out if you’re interested! www.D6Pool.com

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , , , on July 17, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
Tuesdays With Story
July 10, 2012

Writer’s Quote:
Do not put statements in the negative form.
And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.
If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a
great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
De-accession euphemisms.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague.
~William Safire, “Great Rules of Writing”

Sorry, no notes received for Tuesday at the B & N: if received, they will be inserted in the next issue

Who’s up next . . .
July 17: Spike Pedersen (???), Pat Edwards (chapters 3-4, Our Soul . . . or poems), Andy Brown (chapter 1, Lo’s Quarter), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 9, The Cheese Logue), Millie Mader (chapter 36, Life on Hold), Lisa McDougal (chapter 3, Follow the Yellow/Ben and Krista), and Pam Gabriel (film script, part 3, “Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt”).

July 31: Fifth Tuesday
August 7: Lisa McDougal (chapter 4, Follow the Yellow/Ben and Krista), Pat Edwards (chapters 5-6, Our Soul), Pam Gabriel (film script, part 4, “Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt”), Judith McNeil (short story part 2, “The Man with the Broken Heart”), Aaron Boehm (film script, part 3, “Stealing from Yourself”), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 7-8, Rage).

Writers Mail editors . . .
Alicia Connolly-Lohr, is our editor this month. In August, it’s Andy Brown. Email editors directly to submit any items you think would be good for the newsletter.

Panera and Fifth Tuesday . . .
Do you have our next Fifth Tuesday on your schedule? July 31?
(more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on March 27, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
March 26, 2012

“I’m the hero of this story, I don’t need to be saved…” -Regina Specktor, “Hero”

First and Second Recap
Rebecca, The Cheese Logue.
• Jen suggested she change ballpark to stadium because we’re talking about football.
• Pat wonders if the part with Sophie should be in another chapter.
• Greg didn’t think it moved the story forward either.
• Millie liked the poem.
• Greg asks about who the target audience is; Rebecca imagines it for women between the ages of 18 and dead.
• Alicia thought the character, Rebecca, didn’t really react to being in the bar, though she didn’t enjoy it.
• Pat points out that if it’s an honest reaction, even if it’s bad, people will empathize with it.
• Amber wanted more trivia about how many Superbowl games the Packers have one.

Millie, Life On Hold.
• Just a note: in dialogue we speak the numbers, but in narrative we can leave the number as a number, like 1957. The key is to be consistent. (Ah-ha)
• Pat points out a section that could be cut because nothing really happens and we get to the debate faster. She also doesn’t think a serious debater would lose her cool.
• Alicia thought the argument was way too short and doesn’t think it got to the core issues; perhaps she could insert some additional points so you get the feeling that the debate went on the appropriate length of time.

Pat, Poems Hey You! & Open House
• Jen accidentally deleted the poem because she thought it was some kind of advertisement. (ROTFL)
• Rebecca wondered if there was any real driving. Pat was just trying to follow the format of the daytime commercial.
• Alicia thought the different types of poems got a little elevated and suggested getting rid of the asterisk but Jen liked it.
• Rebecca begs for a series of funny poems.
• Everybody enjoyed it though.
• Next Pat shares Open House. Jerry liked the last three lines.
• Alicia brought up the sad element of the poem, because it made their lives feel simply too routine.

Greg, Beyond Cloud Nine.
• Pat was really zipping along, turning pages, having to slow down and remember to review, but she had a problem with the twelve minute reboot.
• Pat wonders why the main character doesn’t say anything about the sabotage to her sister.
• Amber had a question about a couple of characters reaction. What happens to tears in zero gravity.
• Jerry wonders if someone pops up and spins in zero gravity, they keep going—she has to reach out a hand to stop herself.
• Alicia thought it moved really well and the dialogue was so good, some details could be peppered in, perhaps even some humor added.
• Jerry wants to know if Brooke’s going to survive the end of the chapter. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on December 10, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
November 25, 2011
By Pat Edwards

“Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.” – W.J. Cameron

Tuesday at Barnes & Noble
One last visit to Barnes & Noble before the December shopping frenzy leaves us homeless! Good news, though – 2nd and 4th has permission to meet again this year in the upstairs section of Sundance Cinema (thanks, Aaron!). Don’t worry if you see the “section closed” sign at the bottom of the stairs – we’re allowed. Also, by way of thanks, please consider making a purchase from the Cafe. We will meet at Sundance Tuesday, December 13, and Tuesday, December 27.

Liam Wilbur was our first reader, presenting a new opening to Fog-gotten. While the information was vital to the story, most agreed that the original opening worked better, and that each section here would make a great scene/flashback, keeping up the fog appearances. Terry suggested starting with the military injury because the reader would wonder if this strange new place was simply a result of a brain injury. Carol thought a more current comparison to a Disney character should be Princess Jasmine instead of a minor character from one of the older classics. More people would recognize the reference.

Terry Hoffman rewrote a section of The Great Tome. Carol wanted her to create a sharper contrast between the news reporter’s real name and air name. “Linda” is kind of pedestrian in a world full of “Ashleys” and “Lindsays” (oh, and the new person on WKOW is “Amber.”) Jack provided a way for the book to actually work via quantum mechanics and the story of Schrodinger’s Cat, but what he really wants is for Rachel to wonder how the book works within her own knowledge base. Andrea pointed out that Rachel is doing a lot with her hands, but the reader isn’t getting any descriptions of touch. Also, start with the playful – messing with the newscasters, then move into the dark (God’s cruel joke) toward the end of the scene. (more…)

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