Tuesdays With Story Newsletter
Fourth Week of March
Four of us gathered Tuesday night for a lively round of critiques.
We started with Rebecca Rettenmund’s The Cheese Logue, Chapter 22. Andy liked the piece but felt it ran a little long and could have been a little more playful, especially with the kid. He thought the interactions were a bit repetitive, but Jen thought they worked together well. Carol really liked the character development involving Isaiah and the Halloween party. There were also a few technical things, verb tenses that didn’t match, and some homonyms to be corrected. Rebecca asked if the idea of a one-year story structure worked, and we all said “yes.”
Andy Pfeiffer read a scene from People. The way he read the scene out loud was funny, but the wording of the scene itself didn’t come off as funny. Might need the main character to find the situation funny so the reader follows along. Jen was concerned about the character of Brenna. Hard to know what’s really going on with Liam, and the director needs some one-on-one time with her to develop the relationship. Watch out for the harassment, too – unless someone is particularly valuable a company won’t try to correct behavior, they’ll just cut him lose to protect themselves. Carol wanted to see Spaulding with some incredible talent that makes him valuable. Rebecca thought Brenna should be above all the foolishness.
Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. Andy suggested more physical descriptions of the characters. Rebecca really liked the idea that the ghost had some power over others – but don’t let Olivia slip back into bitchiness after the ghost influenced her behavior. Also, put the two comments of the different kinds of flooring together for contrast. Makes more sense. And the description of the name tags on the door read a bit awkward. Otherwise, the scene worked well.
Who’s Up Next:
April 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter, Noble), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter, The Cheese Logue), Michelle Nightoak (chapter, memoir), Andy Pfeiffer (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), and Alicia Connolly Lohr (chapters 3-4, Lincoln’s Other War). (more…)