Tuesdays With Story
WRITER’S MAIL for November 29, 2012
“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt
November 27 Meeting
Five people gathered at Barnes and Noble last Tuesday.
Rebecca, The Cheese Logue
The group suggested a few small changes, for example deleting repetitions like the description “important.” Katelin thought the middle seemed to drag some. Several people liked the ending, and Katelin commented on the nice bookend with the beginning of the chapter.
Terri and Rebecca thought the part about the girl “handling junk” was disturbing, too strong, and suggested accomplishing the culture shock less shockingly. Katelin liked the lengths of the scenes, how they started short and got longer as Mike healed. Jen asked how Mike knows he hasn’t been moved. Rebecca wondered why Mike didn’t ask Taran why no one spoke English. Terri and Rebecca thought Mike should panic more when he wakes up and can’t function normally. He should check himself for injuries right away. Terri pointed out to watch language use as he heals to show gradual progress toward healing. If Mike is so calm and analytical because of boot camp, mention boot camp so the reader knows. Terri suggested another way to tell the reader about the previous head injury: maybe when Mike wakes up he thinks he’s recovering from the first injury and then realizes that can’t be right because he’s in the wrong place and that was a long time ago.
Terri, The Great Tome
Rebecca pointed out that the nurses would check on Rachel every 15 minutes while she’s in the hospital, even if they only look through the window. Also, there would there be bars on the windows, and there might not be a sink in the room. Jen wondered what the “charges” were at the end of the chapter. Katelin thought Rod and the therapy session were well written and believable. Liam thought the comment about silver bullets made it seem like Rod really didn’t believe Rachel. Katelin could see that he did believe her and was just joking, but something didn’t seem right about the jokes. It could seem off because werewolves and vampires are creatures that move, and the Tome is an inanimate object. Perhaps a comparison to the ring from Lord of the Rings would be more appropriate. Rod could suggest throwing it into Mount Doom. Or Rod could make fun of things by suggesting an exorcism, since Rachel said the book owns her. (more…)