March 20, 2012
“A white blank page…and a swelling rage…”-Mumford and Sons, “White Blank Page”
Second and Forth Recap
Terry Hoffman, The Great Tome
• Jen suggested that there needed to be a better transition from the present section to the flashback section.
• Kristin liked the inner dialogue especially the part where things seem normal
• Rachel doesn’t want to mess things up.
• Carol liked the dialogue. She noted a place that needed more physical gestures when the mother was talking about Doug.
Carol Hornung, Sapphire Lodge
• Holly asked what was the purpose of the scene. Carol replied that the scene brings up suspicion on a few characters.
• Jen felt that the scene was short and could be expanded upon. Carol said another scene afterwards brings everything into more context.
• Holly asked Carol to expand the two small scenes in this segment and expand Rita’s character. The reader needs to understand why Saffi is worried for Rita.
Liam Wilbur, The Payment
• Kateline suggested that Liam show the bad guys removing shards of glass from the window before entering the house.
• Holly suggested that Nick try to hid, but didn’t have time to hide properly.
• Carol asked if one of the bad guys was searching the house, why he didn’t find the other kids. She suggested that Liam explore that idea.
• Terry suggested Nick shows some regret for throwing the brick.
• Jen suggested that Liam provide more description of the place.
• Carol said that the dialogue seems modern. (more…)