Present: Rebecca, Jen, Terry, Katelin
Rebecca – The Cheese Logue – Outline
Katelin and Terry thought the relationship sounded a little one sided and negative for the first two chapters. Suggestion: show how you both influence each other early, in the first two chapters. In chapter four, the word “policing” sounds negative. Instead of policing each other, turn it into both of you policing the something together. Be careful of word choice; use positive words to sound positive. In later chapters, close the conflict about Isaiah’s discomfort in crowds by adding a character arc of you letting him be himself – both of you accept each other the way you are, and let each other be
Terry – The Great Tome – Chapter 11, second half
Katelin liked the emotion in the scene where Rachel finds the Tome again. Jen didn’t believe Rachel’s sincerity when she questioned herself about doing the wrong thing. Rachel could have more hesitation before she picks up the Tome again. Draw out the scene more. Rebecca thought Rachel would have a greater instinct to hide what she’s doing with the Tome, since she knows it’s wrong somehow. But when she decides to use it again, she should feel happy in some way. Katelin liked the end where Rachel and Doug connect over their pain again.
August 28: Kat Wagner – Revolution, Chapter 2?, Jen Wilcher – The Hogoshiro Chronicles, Chapter 2?, Rebecca Rettenmund – The Cheese Logue, Chapter 10, Terry Hoffman – The Great Tome, Chapter 12 (more…)