November 10, 2011
By Pat Edwards
“I dream for a living.” – Steven Spielberg
A core group of 2nd & 4th-ers gathered at Barnes & Noble for critiques (and caffeine, for many of us) and camaraderie…
Jack Freiburger brought Path to Bray’s Head to an end. Jen suggested cutting the last sentence and ending it with “Go with the journel.” Carol wondered if it could end with some kind of boating term for smooth sailing. Holly wants some atmosphere at the beginning of the scene. Terry felt that the sudden jump to the present day was too quick. She also wondered about the condition of the blanket – was it worn after all these years, or was it so sturdy it hardly looked worn at all? Holly wanted a little more emotion at the end, but Cole felt it worked quite well.
Cole Ruby read the next scene from Champions. Jack pointed out that Vice has no expectation of fairness at this point, so for him to say something isn’t fair doesn’t quite fit. Katelin thinks there’d be more that Mark knows through the church about demons – he’s trying to fit things into his world view. Jen figured Jenna would want to know WHY her brother is still alive first, then ask about the vampires later. Jack thought the matter-of-fact attitude of Jenna paralleled Vice nicely, bonding them as brother and sister. Katelin thought Jenna might experience or express a little more fear or surprise, and Terry thought some stronger verbs would be useful. (more…)