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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on May 16, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail for 05/14/13

“The Florida in my novels is not as seedy as the real Florida. It’s hard to stay ahead of the curve. Every time I write a scene that I think is the sickest thing I have ever dreamed up, it is surpassed by something that happens in real life.”   — Carl Hiaasen

 

Tuesday at B&N . . .

Ruth, who had popped in at First and Third meetings, visited today. The first 20 minutes were spent introducing her to particulars of the group.

After orientation was over, Bill presented his short story “Conflict.” During the feedback session, Bill stated that Mike was supposed to be a violent jerk, and everyone disagreed, and saw Maria as the villain. In addition to calling Maria a criminal and saying that Mike was always doing the right thing, Andy also stated that the story was too short for everything that happened in it; Jen echoed this, criticizing the overuse of passive telling as opposed to active showing. Terry and Holly offered similar criticisms. Holly said that although he needs to be painted as a jerk with severe anger management issues, he still needs to be likable. Everyone wanted to see more verbal threats and angry actions, like pounding on tables, accidentally knocking his coffee over his newspaper, and arguing with the mechanic and insurance agent about repainting his car. The group talked about various incidents of car damage. Before moving on, Terry mentioned the overuse of “was” and wanted to increase the strength of verbs, and Andy offered one last piece of feedback: That if Maria was taking care of her sick mother, she would not be so reckless and insensitive to someone else’s car. Bill disclosed that she’s from a rough neighborhood and had many things she was stressed out about, and it was suggested that Bill show that through actions.

Andy presented an outline and character notes for his novel People. He read from Brenna’s biography, and everyone did not think the brothel fit with her story and was too over-the-top. The thought process of the group was that she was abused by her uncle and she became a vigilante, killing him and destroying the house in the process. The consensus was to take the brothel out and replace it with her abusive uncle (Ruth said to keep the fire as an accident), then proceed with the story as planned. Jen said to get the bare bones down first, then flesh it out from then. Holly said that if she did it as a minor, she could get psychiatric evaluations and become stable by the time she was offered the SPIES job. The suggestion of her aversion to men was already in her story; it was suggested that she just punch Spalding when he molests her shoulder. Andy became really overwhelmed and shut up… but things are getting interesting.

Rebecca presented the final chapter of The Cheese Logue. Although everyone once again found it boring – except for comparing a cow to a roasted marshmallow – we enjoyed the way it ended. Terry suggested using Post-Its or spreadsheets to show character progression throughout the story, and building things up for the ending to be more complete. Andy once again suggested that there be more instances of personality. Holly wanted Rebecca to show more relationships building, and being friends with all the people around her. Andy said “You have to get other people to treasure what you treasure” – about working at the Cheese Shop, and again mentioned the comparison against Big Box Mart. This led into a discussion about the lighting of Big Box Mart vs the Cheese Shop. When Rebecca mentioned that it was a “home away from home,” everyone wanted her to paint that picture as strong as possible. Rebecca agreed. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , on May 10, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail for 05/09/13

You get ideas from daydreaming. You get ideas from being bored. You get ideas all the time. The only difference between writers and other people is we notice when we’re doing it. –Neil Gaiman

Last Tuesday at B&N . . .

We have a couple visitors. Ruth and Betsy join us for the evening.
Lisa reads from the beginning of her novel (tentatively titled) Tebow’s Family Secret. Andy has a question about the date of the main character’s accident and whether it is significant to September 11, 2001. Pat remembers Lisa’s first version and thinks this is tighter but there’s still some editing that needs to be done. Andy wonders if Lisa can write a vision for us. Alicia thought the date of the accident seemed contrived. Jerry too thought the reader will want to know why the day of the accident is so important. What follows is a discussion of 9/11 and weather the day can be changed. Lisa tells us it cannot. Alicia, Amber, and Aaron (all the A’s) think she can keep 9/11 she just needs to not treat it so casually. Jerry wonders if someone with memory problems would be entrusted with a family recipe.
Alicia shares chapters five and six of Lincoln’s Other War. Pat likes her Lincoln parts a lot, but struggles with the other parts. She wonders if there are other ways to display those parts. Lisa agreed that it sounded disjointed to her also. Could those portions be made more conversational? Millie got the impression that the people out East didn’t know what was going on. Betsy easily picked out the other voice as well.
Pat reads her poem, 58! for the group. Half the group doesn’t get the very first joke of the poem. The title is a reference to her age, which the other half of the group didn’t believe. Millie liked it but she thought it should have been seventy-eight; Betsy, sixty-eight. Andy didn’t like the prose in the middle of it. Alicia didn’t agree with the first line. Bob wonders why we can’t just accept the paradox.
Amber shares Chapter Twelve of Noble. Lisa takes notes. Jerry corrected a part of the scene read aloud to the group. Pat liked that the main character had learned how to use her magic as well as the ending and the mention of fire. (Shout out to former TWS member Greg Spry). Lisa thought the main character learned magic too fast. Andy wanted to see a bigger reaction from the protagonist. Jerry thought her reaction fit with what we know of the character. Millie thought another character was jealous. Pat wanted to know who would play a certain character in the movie.
Jerry reads from the beginning of Chapter Ten of The Last Good Man. Alicia thinks Jerry should definitely do the audio book. Betsy liked the humor. Pat wondered if they got the dent out of the roof or not. Lisa asks if the main character leaves the truck with the others or what. She’ll have to read chapter eleven to find out. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged on April 29, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail for 04-23-13

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good as the wall.”–Mitch Hedberg

Last Tuesday at the B&N . . .

Last meeting before Fifth Tuesday! Write your challenge (translate a cliche and explain what happened) and bring a copy along to read to the group! Tuesday, April 30, Panera on University.

Tuesday night we had a big crowd – though a bigger crowd was using most of the chairs for a kids event… had some scrounging to do, but then we got to business.

Ray Woodruff presented his short story “Leave Them Be.” Terry summed up many of our thoughts when she said, “Creepy creepy creepy!” She did point out, though, that naming the main character 17-76 was a little distracting. Carol had some trouble picturing what the bunk room looked like. Bill was concerned about the use of UV lights – with the reveal at the end, UV might be harmful. Full spectrum, perhaps? Julie enjoyed the build-up and pay off, but wondered what They were doing with the blood. Do we need to know who They are? Katelin felt it worked well even without that information.

Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. A party scene. Discussion broke out about whether “joint” was the proper terminology, or if it was too dated. Other options were suggested (and with further research, I’ve discovered that “joint” is the correct terminology, but these days you’re more likely to use a water pipe anyway … rewrites now in progress). Andy liked the pacing. Holly wanted something earlier in the scene to hint at what would come later, like an appearance of the ghost. Jack pointed out continuity issues – large room, but crowded, and Bill liked the isolation of the small dorm on a bad weather weekend.

Bill Eisinger returned with a rewrite of “Jack ad Susan.” Holly loved the inner dialog. Andy noted that italics make it clear it is inner dialog, so quotations aren’t needed. Carol liked the way the characters are starting to emerge. Loves that Susan is a run-at-the-mouth chatterbox until she’s asked about herself. Could make her stop and stammer even more at that point. Julie wanted some clarification of Jack’s motivations. Why is the character here? What does he want? (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , , on April 19, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail for 04-16-13

“I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.”– Mitch Hedberg

Last Tuesday at the B&N . . .

Two guests joined us – Julie and Mike.

Lisa started us off by sharing part of chapter twelve of Follow the Yellow; the last chapter of this work she plans to share with the group for a while. Andy likes it. He only found some small typos. Pat liked the whole thing except at the very beginning. She thinks there should be some blood stains on one character’s shirt instead of having the character still bleed several hours after an altercation took place. Andy lost track of who was who on the phone later in the chapter. Mike thought the part Lisa read flowed well.

Amber shared chapter eleven of her YA novel Noble. Andy liked it, but the looking for Zephyr went a little fast. The scene could be drawn out to create tension. Pat asked if the rules for magic in this work were following rules of any previous work. Amber admits she’s making it all up as she goes along.

Millie shared Chapter forty-three of Life on Hold. Lisa didn’t get the last line until Millie read it. Pat and Lisa think it would be a good time to kill off the mother, but Millie says she’s not going to do that. Lisa wonders if we will skip ahead in time soon. Andy thought the writing out of one character with a single line was a little abrupt and he thought she could expand that into a mini-scene instead of just a passing detail. Lisa didn’t enjoy the rehashing of a female relationship later in the chapter. Jen pointed out some problems with POV. Jerry wonders if the professor needs a name change.

Andy shared the first chapter from one of three different character’s point of view. Millie didn’t see what one character had done to set another off. Answer: nothing. Pat kind of liked her character, but there were a few too many adverbs. She hopes that Andy lets the character have a voice. Julie thinks the main character here would be more manipulative and cool given her background. Bob suggests a character inventory and knowing what’s going on in the character’s mind and heart. Julie suggests Andy also think about voice and making all three very different. Jerry mentions that if the character has killed someone they would not make it into the FBI. Pat suggests a shadow agency. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on April 7, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail for 04-02-13

Who said, “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative”?
Answer: Oscar Wilde , Author of The Picture of Dorian Gray

Tuesday at the B&N . . .
Fourteen of us gathered round three tables to share a number of critiques.

Amber started us off by reading from chapter ten of her YA novel, Noble. Jen had a question about POV. Pat questioned writing about a head being removed from its shoulders, as in where else would it be removed from? Rebecca was confused by how one character was on their hands and knees but also holding their head at the same time. Andy and Millie didn’t know where the sword came from and Andy didn’t think it unnerved the main character enough. Lisa questioned Zephyr’s vocabulary and whether he would know a lot of English. Alicia wondered if one character would actually have a heart attack and thinks the protagonist is too much of a girl scout; she wants more of a reaction. Clayton was okay with the protagonist’s reaction. (P.S. Lisa can take over this whole note taking business anytime.)

Pat shares the poem Just Words with the group. She starts off by telling us she knows it needs work. Lisa thinks she should add more sadness. Andy saw it as in-your-face. Lisa thought it was in-your-face depressing and she liked it that way. Alicia looks for some redemptive quality at the end. Clayton sees the name-calling as recognition; the author sees these things and wants to fix them. Michelle wonders if the author can open the front door and leave. Amber agrees with Clayton, maybe the recognition is the happy ending. Alicia thinks of the old movie Sybil and wonders if Pat could bring the poem full circle in a similar way. Lisa and Aaron like the title. Aaron suggests adding something about sticks and stones at the end.

Andy shares a couple of poems. Jen liked the first poem, Perfect, saying it had a nice rhythm in some parts but was lacking in others. To Amber it felt like a laundry list of items. Rebecca wondered what we learn from the poem. Lisa found an inappropriate line or two. Rhyming is hard, Pat tells us. Michelle had difficulty with the voice changing from the beginning to the end. Andy’s second poem, Forecast, is about the weather we had in Wisconsin last year. Some of us read it as a metaphor for a relationship thought the last two stanzas don’t fit with that idea; Andy was surprised by this and may consider revenging. Clayton expected the poem to take off but then it didn’t, leaving him disappointed. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , on April 3, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays With Story Newsletter
Fourth Week of March

Four of us gathered Tuesday night for a lively round of critiques.

We started with Rebecca Rettenmund’s The Cheese Logue, Chapter 22. Andy liked the piece but felt it ran a little long and could have been a little more playful, especially with the kid. He thought the interactions were a bit repetitive, but Jen thought they worked together well. Carol really liked the character development involving Isaiah and the Halloween party. There were also a few technical things, verb tenses that didn’t match, and some homonyms to be corrected. Rebecca asked if the idea of a one-year story structure worked, and we all said “yes.”

Andy Pfeiffer read a scene from People. The way he read the scene out loud was funny, but the wording of the scene itself didn’t come off as funny. Might need the main character to find the situation funny so the reader follows along. Jen was concerned about the character of Brenna. Hard to know what’s really going on with Liam, and the director needs some one-on-one time with her to develop the relationship. Watch out for the harassment, too – unless someone is particularly valuable a company won’t try to correct behavior, they’ll just cut him lose to protect themselves. Carol wanted to see Spaulding with some incredible talent that makes him valuable. Rebecca thought Brenna should be above all the foolishness.

Carol Hornung read a scene from Ghost of Heffron College. Andy suggested more physical descriptions of the characters. Rebecca really liked the idea that the ghost had some power over others – but don’t let Olivia slip back into bitchiness after the ghost influenced her behavior. Also, put the two comments of the different kinds of flooring together for contrast. Makes more sense. And the description of the name tags on the door read a bit awkward. Otherwise, the scene worked well.

Who’s Up Next:
April 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter, Noble), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter, The Cheese Logue), Michelle Nightoak (chapter, memoir), Andy Pfeiffer (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), and Alicia Connolly Lohr (chapters 3-4, Lincoln’s Other War). (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on March 22, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays with Story Newsletter
Third Week of March

Notes 3-19-13
Nine of us gathered Tuesday for the first time in 4four weeks since no weather could stop us!

Lisa starts us off with the beginning of Chapter ten of her novel, Follow the Yellow. Jerry tells us she can take out all the foul language. Jen disagrees; it should stay if it’s part of a person’s character But Jerry wonders, why offend your readers? Pat suggests a salty character isn’t bad to have and enjoyed the two chapters, saying they read fast and the dialogue was good. Rebecca thought the protagonist’s actions were out of character when he got in a hot tub naked. Jerry wants to know where the beer comes from in a scene on the phone. Pat enjoys the asides.

Millie shares chapter forty-two of Life on Hold, telling us she received a scathing review from Andy, who explained that he has missed a lot of the story and did not mean to offend. Lisa and Rebecca don’t understand why it’s strange for one character to show up at the end of the chapter. Andy suggests Millie elaborate. Jen had a question about characters popping up out of nowhere. Millie tells Aaron she tried not to have too many telephone calls back and forth.

Rebecca shares Chapter eighteen of her Cheese Logue. Amber likes the limerick. Lisa liked the chapter a lot, she had a hard time connecting some parts, but she really liked it. Pat enjoyed the stream of consciousness and back and forth. As long as each section stands on its own, it works for her. Lisa forgot who a character was when he appeared at the beginning of the chapter.

Amber shares Chapter nine of her YA novel. Pat had to look up a word! Gazeteer. Note to Amber, look up St. Martha (And St. George.) Andy wonders why Zephyr only hisses when he says yes. Jen wonders if Zephyr should have “claws” instead of “hands”. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , on March 17, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Tuesdays With Story Writer’s Mail
Second Week of March

Nine people gathered at Barnes and Nobles on another snowy Tuesday evening.

Jack read from Jesus at the IHOP
David said the tone seemed dark. Andy said it seemed heavy, lots of information. David liked that Jesus referred to Paul as “the little guy. ” Katelin was confused about time – how much time has passed since Paul and Peter died?

Rebecca read from The Cheese Logue chapter 21
Jack suggested technical improvements. Describe the razor with a different adjective other than “sharp.” Introduce who’s talking when mom says “so… I was raised on a dairy farm” at the end – so many characters in this scene make it complicated to follow. When narrator says “on second thought I should talk,” make that inner monologue because the conflict is within the narrator instead of between the characters. In the section just before entering the apartment, “separated” is weird word and “parted” could be better. Show more about you are distraught when you come in. Andy said take out that paragraph and rework it from the beginning because it’s telling and abrupt, show the falling leaves more. Work on transitions, use a single transition instead of two abrupt ones here. David said the dialogue reads like a play script, seems to break up the flow. Look at pace of conversation. Jen wants some description of body language when the narrator yells at mom to stop. Andy wanted more substance in the section. David found the informative parts interesting. Possibly trim it down. Add more general scene building, more visual description so the reader can see what is happening clearly.

Bill – Short Story “Morning Light”
Jack pointed out lots of telling and the repetition of character’s name “Jack.” Give us the feeling of the place, show us what we are seeing, more sense of place. Show the conversation at the desk where he hears about Susan. Lots of missing information. Jen suggested to make thoughts italics, for example “Just don’t let it rain.” Jen thinks Celtic refers to a group of languages not a single language. Which Celtic language? Check into it, Celtic is a weak word. David pointed out that the shopkeeper spoke English and then the description says his group only speaks Celtic. There are often signs in celtic languages, maybe add some. Jack said the character has incredible eyesight if he knows brand of cigarette from far away. Jack wants more emotion from the character. Reiterate motivation for why he keeps going, why he spends so much money, and what the stakes and mission are. Rebecca wondered if he would really stub his toe so many times?

Jen – Work Drama
Rebecca thought that, since Jen works with this drama king and hears all these stories from him often, why would she expect to have a boring day? Add a transition, set the scene. David said the reader can pick out the irony about screaming “I don’t have an attitude,” so take out the statement, or make it a reply. Might be better as a snarky reply because we want more action in this short scene. Rebecca thought the potato salad part could be amped up with humor. Andy didn’t get frustrated with drama king as much as the narrator, and suggested showing every annoying thing he does to help the reader experience it too. More action and place. Show him keep going back to the phones. David suggested playing on the phrase “half full” verses “half empty.” Two cell phones on meat saw does not seem hygienic or safe for the phone. Give us more on that, dwell on it more. Show us what he did when you helped a customer, how is he with customer. Edit and bring back! (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged on March 8, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
First Week of March
by Jen Wilcher

March 5, 2013
Due to the horrific weather, nobody met at Barnes & Noble.

Who’s up next . . .
March 12: Andy Pheiffer (chapter rewrite, People), Rebecca Rettemund (chapter 21, The Cheese Logue), David Mayer (chapter, Time Traveler’s Definitive Guide, Vol 2), Bill Eisigner (short story), Jen Wilcher (“Work Drama”), and Jack Frieburger (chapter, Jesus at the IHOP).

March 19: Lisa McDougal (chapter 10-11, Follow the Yellow), Millie Mader (chapter 42, Life on Hold), Pat Edwards (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), Aaron Boehm (film script/part 4, “Whole Again”), and Jerry Peterson (chapter 4-5, The Last Good Man).
Alternates: If Pat is not ready, Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter 18, The Cheese Logue).
If Clayton is not ready, Amber Boudreau (chapter 9, Noble)

March 26: Carol Hornung (scene, Ghost of Heffron College), and Terry Hoffman (chapter, The Great Tome). Room for five more.

April 2: Amber Boudreau (chapter, Noble), Rebecca Rettenmund (chapter, The Cheese Logue), Michelle Nightoak (chapter, memoir), Andy Pfeiffer (???), Clayton Gill (chapter, Fishing Derby), and Alicia Connolly Lohr (chapters 3-4, Lincoln’s Other War)

What role should libraries have in an electronic world? . . .
Good question. Here are YA author and blogger Nathan Bransford’s thoughts:

Children’s book author Terry Deary stired up some controversy last month when he said libraries have “had their day” but no longer make sense in today’s world. He cites the lack of compensation for authors and damage to bookstores, who have to compete with an institution giving away the book for free:
“People have to make the choice to buy books. People will happily buy a cinema ticket to see Roald Dahl’s Matilda, and expect to get the book for free. It doesn’t make sense.”
Deary may have staked out a particularly anti-library position, but he’s hardly the only person within the publishing industry who is grappling with the role of libraries in publishing economics in an electronic world. Penguin was among other publishers who pulled their e-books from libraries before restoring them with a new program. (more…)

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Writer’s Mail

Posted in Newsletter, tagged , , on March 1, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Writer’s Mail
2/27/2013

Notes from 2/26/13 Meeting
Due to the horrific weather, only Andy, Katelin, and Jen attended. Jen opted to withhold her piece until a later meeting when more people could discuss it.

Katelin’s submission to Larry Brooks of StoryFix.com, The Battle of Sista was discussed and approved. Jen suggested rephrasing the “External Conflict” from Cassie’s point of view, as opposed to Traiken, to retain consistency. Andy suggested varying the protagonists and having conflict between them to create a more interesting story, which Katelin said she would be doing. Katelin disclosed that the story would be in third-person and the perspective would change between various characters’ heads.

Andy’s prologue and chapter one of People was perceived as difficult to read due to Blaze’s vehement hatred of everybody; Katelin compared him to Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. It was suggested by both Katelin and Jen to depict college-age Blaze as someone frustrated with society, as opposed to outright hating it, and during college and afterward for his hatred to be fueled by the ignorance and hate of those around him. Minor fixes and the larger plot were discussed, but will be kept secret until a future meeting. Andy will be retinkering the first chapter and intends to share in two weeks’ time.
Thanks to Andy for the notes
(more…)

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